Fandom: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them [Harry Potter] Wow, I haven't seen many of these.
Name: Percival Edmund Bourne Not your usual female OC. Very original.
Age: 38 Good. I haven't seen anything like this so far.
Gender: Male OK
Species: Human & Werewolf [yes, I know it's cliché] I mean, I've said this in a previous chapter, but if there's nothing special/unusual about the character, it would be boring.
Sexuality: Bisexual Again, very original.
Astrological Sign: Pisces
Birthday: February 20th 1882
Ethnicity:
Appearance: ''He has dark hair with a few grey highlights, he has tanned skin. His hair is cropped at the back and it shows a thin, white scar. He has blue-grey eyes, a few wrinkles on his face and a few spots on his cheeks. He has the height of 6'2, weight of 134lbs and he occasionally wears glasses for reading, he is quite chubby but not too much...'' Personality: Quiet and reserved, hard to get to know well. Loner, more interested in intellectual pursuits than relationships or family. Can be lonely. Observer, private. Can't describe feelings easily. Detached, likes solitude, not revealing, unemotional, and avoidant. Socially uncomfortable, abrupt. Does not like happy people. Logical, original, creative thinker. Can become very excited about theories and ideas. Very capable and driven to turn theories into clear understandings. Values knowledge, competence and logic. Sceptical. Disorganized, messy, rule breaker. Although there's quite a lot of depth in to your character, I feel like there is quite a noticeable similarity between your OC and Newt. I'd be careful here.
Strengths: Reliable, patient, practical, devoted, responsible, stable
Weaknesses: Indecisive, avoids confrontations, will carry a grudge, self-pity, stubborn, sad, desire to escape reality Good, there are quite a few flaws to balance everything out here.
Likes: Being alone, sleeping, music, romance, visual media, swimming, spiritual themes
Dislikes: Know-it-all, being criticized, the past coming back to haunt, cruelty of any kind
Powers: • Wandless magic • Normal Powers Good. I'm glad you're not going too overboard with the powers.
Wand: The wand is made of forsythia and has a core of Pegasus feather. It is 10 inches long and is pliable. It is somewhat darkly coloured and is ornately carved. I haven't heard of this before, but it sounds interesting.
House: Ravenclaw Original
Blood-Status: Pureblood
Patronus: Stag
Animagus: Wolf Wait they're an animagus and a werewolf?
Friends: Tianna Winehouse [OC] – MACUSA Associate Peregrine Rolfe [OC] – Writer for Daily Prophet Family:Edmund Albus Bourne – father Adorabella Pembroke Bourne – mother Daffodil Rosella Bourne – sister Ophelia Arial Beaumont - distant cousin
Crush: Misapiona Snodgrass – Professor at Ilvermorny Cadmus Linwood – Quidditch Seeker for Hufflepuff
Love Interest: Misapiona Snodgrass
BACKSTORY: ''At age 11 he went to Hogwarts and was sorted into Ravenclaw, his life was perfectly fine but at age 14 [5th year] he was attacked by a Werewolf when he was visiting his father – resulting in a scar on the back of his neck. He went into a coma for a few months and missed out on his OWLs and NEWTs. His parents were worried about him but his father was only pretending to be worried because he just didn't care that much. He then had to suffer through full moons and he became isolated from the world. When he graduated from Hogwarts at age 18, he went to America because his cousin, Ophelia Beaumont wanted him to get a job at MACUSA – even though he doesn't want to. But when he did get the job, he needed to be careful about the place (being a werewolf and all) and watch out for any mishaps. When he was 25 he met Cadmus Linwood – Cadmus was in America for the Quidditch Games [he did have a crush on him but he got over it], and when Percival was 31 he met Misapiona Snodgrass (Professor Snodgrass) in England when he was visiting his family.'' This sounds really interesting. Pretty original too. Good job!
Theme Songs: • Hold Back the River by James Bay• Castle on the Hill by Ed Sheeran
Okay, so Percival sounds like a really cool character. The way you've presented him to me gives me the impression that your readers will get really attached to him. He has a good amount of flaws, making him balanced too. One thing I would say is that he sounds very similar to Newt with his personality traits. Try as best you can to make sure they're not too alike as this could cause some problems later on. Also, you don't have to listen to this advice, but I personally don't think that Percival should have an animagus as well as being a werewolf unless it plays a vital part in the plot. But your plot, overall, sounds good and I think your story will go far.
Overall rating: B+
Gary Stu rating: 2%
A/N I'm gonna put this in all of the chapters, but I am currently taking members for my brand new book club. If you want to get your book recognised with some votes and constructive comments, go ahead and find the 'fanfiction book club' on my profile page and read the rules! Thanks!
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Harry Potter OC Reviews {open}
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