Harry Potter OC Reviews {open}

Becca Leighann Russell

  Name: Becca Leighann Russell Ok!

Gender: Female 

Ethnicity: She is American, but she lives in another world called Avalon because she is an abomination (Her dad is a Narnian and her mother is a witch at Hogwarts. it's similar to muggles and wizards mating, and if you're an abomination, you have your memory wiped of all magic and/or Narnia if you are found. after the memory wipe, all you remember is that you're a normal person living in Avalon. after the memory wipe and replacement, you are sent to live in Avalon) How is she American, yet goes to Hogwarts and not Ilvermorny?

Blood Status: Half-Blood 

House: Gryffindor 

Wand: Maple wood with Phoenix feather core 12 3/4" slightly yielding flexibility Cool! Many people make their OC have phoenix feather core though, so that's a tad overdone, but not to worry!

Age in the book: she starts out at age 13, a year younger than Edmund (I'm changing the ages of the characters) Nice! That's pretty early on which is good! Not jumping straight to 16 like most do.

friends: she becomes friends with the Pevensie children first, then she becomes friends with the golden trio. her best friends are Ginny and Fred Weasley. Are you changing the ages of canon character's too?

Era: Golden Trio 

relations: Rowan Russell (mother, best friends with Lily Potter, deceased), Steve Russell (father, turned to stone by the White Witch but it is unknown) both are OCs Having no parents/dead parents/unknown parents are also quite cliché, so be careful there.

Personality: She's very kind to everyone, but everyone has their limits. she is hurt easily, depending on what or who hurts her. (my smol bby ;-;) 

Good traits: kind, caring, gentle, virtuoso, faithful, loving, loyal, optimistic 

Flaws: bipolar, ADHD, ADD, easily frightened, paranoid, impatient Ok, so she has way more good traits than flaws, so maybe add a couple more flaws.

Hair: long ginger hair, goes halfway down her back Ok. I see this quite a lot. But no writer's perfect. You're still doing really good!

Eyes: Blue Cool!

Height: 5'2" Is this her full height, or the height she is when she's thirteen?

Extra features: freckles (her face claim is Molly Quinn, just add freckles!) Thanks for the face claim, it really helped!

Love Interest: Edmund Pevensie Cool!

  Backstory: Her mother, Rowan Russell, was best friends with Lily Potter before they bother, including James, were killed by Voldemort. While Hagrid took Harry away, a member of the MW (Mother's Wound), which is an orphanage, took her away. the thing is, MW is not actually an orphanage, they take the abominations and wipe and replace their memories. Later on, she begins having dreams about Narnia. every time she goes to sleep in Avalon, she ends up in Narnia. When she goes to sleep in Narnia, she wakes up in Avalon. at the end of the first book/part, she and Edmund meet in person at the train station. In part/book two, Becca and Edmund begin to dream about Harry and Hogwarts. Eventually, Harry meets Becca and Edmund, and Becca and the four Pevensie children are enrolled into Hogwarts. Lucy gets bullied by lots of kids at the school, and she decides to go talk to a guidance counsellor. Little does she know, this "guidance counsellor" is not who she thinks he is. Later on, Becca is abducted by Morganthe, and her memory is wiped once more. Edmund and the rest of the search party attempt to restore her memory. (I apologise for such a rough summary, not every single thing is completely planned out...)  Interesting backstory! Very intriguing too! Like I said, the no parents thing is kind of overdone. But, as I've said to everyone with similar no parent backgrounds so far, I'm not going to be too judgemental as changing the backstory could end up messing up the plot.

Becca sounds good so far! She still might need a little more work though. On the bits that I said were overdone, maybe consider going over those and changing them if you can. I've said this before to others, but if something isn't absolutely necessary to the climax or the plot later on and it's just there for the sake of it, you could cut it out (but you don't have to!!). I think crossover wise, you've done really, really well! You've balanced it out well so it doesn't seem like there's one side of the crossover over-powering the other if you know what I mean. She goes to Hogwarts, yet in her dreams, she's in Narnia. From what you've told me, it works!

Mary-Sue Percentage: 40%

Overall Grade: C/C+ -Not bad!

A/N I'm gonna put this in all of the chapters, but I am currently taking members for my brand new book club. If you want to get your book recognised with some votes and constructive comments, go ahead and find the 'fanfiction book club' on my profile page and read the rules! Thanks!