Harry Potter OC Reviews {open}

Eliza Reshie

  Name: Eliza Reshie (most people just call her Reshie) Cool, a normal name.

Gender: female 

Ethnicity: Polynesian Nice, I haven't heard of this in an OC before!

Blood status: Half blood Ok

House: Slytherin Hopefully the traits match up

Wand: Fir wood, unicorn hair, 9 1/2 inches, slightly springy. Ok, original. Nothing too 'special' or 'rare' in there which is good.

Age: 15 Fourth year or fifth year then?

Friends: Rory Tosh (OC), Sam Briar (OC), Oliver Wood, Angelina Johnson, Alicia Spinet, Katie Bell. Aren't these all of the Gryffindor quidditch players though? Also, good that you have some OC's! If they're Slytherin, great! If they're not, what's going one? Why doesn't she have friends in her own house?

Era: Golden trio Ok

Relations: mother - Niamh Reshie, father - Eoghan Reshie. Aren't these Irish names?

Personality: Extroverted, decisive, efficient, systematic, dedicated, responsible, strong-willed, natural leader, organised, reliable, committed, trustworthy, honest, enthusiastic, outgoing, and friendly. Stubborn, thinks she's always right, traditional, doesn't like change. Very ambitious.  Cool, maybe add some more flaws apart from stubborn.

Good traits: charismatic, strategic, good at solving problems, dedicated to a task, ambitious. Awesome, they match up!

Flaws: because she's so logical, she can often come across as unemotional. She'll do whatever she thinks is right even when it's been made very clear that she is wrong. Because she values tradition, she likes the houses to be kept separated. Since she is very decisive, people can see her as too forceful. Cool 5 good traits just need one more flaw to be completely balanced, correct me if I'm wrong!

Backstory: Reshie was brought up by two magical parents so she grew up surrounded by magic and is not very knowledgable about the muggle world. Her mother was a muggle born so she wasn't brought up hating muggles. She had a very normal magical childhood. Unlike her parents however, she grew up to love quidditch and went on to play for the Slytherin team and would eventually become captain in her fifth year. Nice! But why don't her parents like quidditch?

Hair: long, curly, brown, usually tied up in a bun because it too much to handle. Sounds kind of like Hermione but with a bun lol. Her looks sound pretty average though which is good!

Eyes: big, round, dark brown. The big eyes thing is kinda overdone, but at least the eyes aren't purple, green or changing colour haha!

Height: 5'3 The average height for a 15 year old girl is 5ft 6. The short thing is quite overdone as well in fanfiction. Has she finished growing?

Extra: She has glasses but usually wears contact lenses, an overbite, very big bushy eyebrows. Good job! I still kind of imagine her a bit like Hermione though XD :)

Love interest: Oliver Wood Cool.

So, Eiza sounds pretty cool! She doesn't sound very much like a Mary-Sue to me as she hasn't had a bad background or anything. A couple of things overdone that you might want to consider changing (but then again you might not) and add one more flaw to make the good traits you listed totally balanced. Also, I was kind of confused as to how she was friends with all of the Gryffindor quidditch team as she will probably end up joining the Slytherin quidditch team and Slytherin is Gryffindors primary enemy when it comes to quidditch. Where are her Slytherin friends? Otherwise, really great job, look wise especially! She definitely sounds like she should be in Slytherin and you're not just putting her in that house for the sake of it. Just be aware of a couple of cliché things in there that I mentioned earlier.

Mary-Sue percentage: 10-15%

Overall Grade: B+/A-

A/N I'm gonna put this in all of the chapters, but I am currently taking members for my brand new book club. If you want to get your book recognised with some votes and constructive comments, go ahead and find the 'fanfiction book club' on my profile page and read the rules! Thanks!