Harry Potter OC Reviews {open}

Alexandra McCormack

Name: Alexandra McCormack (prefers Alex) Good!

Gender: female 

Ethnicity: Scottish 

Blood status: half blood 

House: Ravenclaw Ok, hopefully, the traits match up.

Wand: Ebony Wood, Dragon heartstring, 12 1/2 inches. Nice.

Age in book: 13 - 26 

Friends: Vicki MacDonald (OC), Charity Carmichael (OC), Bast Simmons (OC), Charlie Weasley, Nymphadora Tonks. Awesome! You have a good balance of OC and canon friends.

Era: a few year before the trio when Charlie was at school. This is quite original, great!

Relations: mother - Meghan McCormack (the canon captain of the Scottish quidditch team, Pride of Portree), Father - Brian Mackie (OC) Ohhhhh ok. So is your OC kind of famous?

Personality: she is a Ravenclaw but she's more creative and curious rather than super smart. She is a generally happy person. She doesn't have loads of friends but she has as many as she needs. She's open minded, trusting, and excitable. She is very bad at concentrating because she gets distracted really easily. The creative and curious Ravenclaw thing is quite overdone, but otherwise, cool!

Good traits: Happy, open minded. Ok.

Flaws: too trusting, talks without thinking (sometimes says the wrong thing). 

Backstory: Alex was brought on the Isle of Skye (a small isle off the west coast of Scotland) the isles are good for wizarding families because of their small population. Her mother and grandmother were both captains of Pride of Portree (the Scottish quidditch team) and her uncle is the lead guitarist of the weird sisters. So she grew up in a pretty famous household. She really wants to be a quidditch parents like her mother and grandmother but the only problem is, she isn't very good at quidditch. I like the way that she isn't good at quidditch like her family, and although she's from a famous background which sounds cliché, I've never actually seen it before.

Hair: Black, Natural, curly. 

Eyes: big, brown. 

Height: tall, athletic build. 

Extra features: A bit of acne. Ok, a visible flaw.

Love interest: none

Alexandra sounds pretty normal, yet interesting at the same time- the perfect balance for an OC! She doesn't have special powers or any of that stuff, but she has other features which make her interesting and draw in the reader. I think the flaws and good traits need a little more development. Perhaps consider adding a few more of each. Also, work on the flaws as pretty much anyone can trust anyone they shouldn't be trusting or say something without thinking. Maybe you could add some more flaws that are unique to her. You have included one visible flaw which is really good. You probably don't need to add any/many more as one is ok. I'm interested to see what the plot of this book will be as there is no love interest so it won't be your classic romance story. Overall, great job!

Mary Sue rating- 10%

Grade- A

A/N I'm gonna put this in all of the chapters, but I am currently taking members for my brand new book club. If you want to get your book recognised with some votes and constructive comments, go ahead and find the 'fanfiction book club' on my profile page and read the rules! Thanks!