Harry Potter OC Reviews {open}

Kira Nakane

Name: Kira Nakane Nice. Not too fancy and obviously a real name.

Gender: female Ethnicity: Japanese/Asian Ooooh, some actual diversity!!

Blood status: pureblood 

House: Ravenclaw Good. I'm just hoping that she has the right traits to be fit in this out.

Wand: dogwood with unicorn hair core Haven't heard of this wand before. Sounds good though!

Age: 16-17 6th year? Yes? If no, then I advise you change that. If yes, good job!

Friends: Fabian and Gideon Prewett (& Molly of course!), and Ellis Cox (OC) Good, I like the way there are some OC friends. Just a slight problem: Molly graduated from Hogwarts late 1960's so it wouldn't be marauder era as the marauders started in 1971. I hope this doesn't change too much, sorry!!

Era: Marauders era

Backstory: Born in Japan, her power-hungry grandmother brutally murdered her mother in front of her as a child. She escaped Japan with her father and two brothers, the family having to constantly move in fear of her grandmother finding them (grandmother is searching for Kira). That's a great idea! Sounds like a plot that you could do a lot with. 

Hair: black, short, choppy Good. What does choppy mean?

Eyes: brown

Height: shortExtra features: round face/chubby cheeks Cute!!

Love interest: Fabian Prewett 

Personality: creative, gets annoyed easily, strange sense of humor, doesn't open up very much (especially about her grandmother), friendly, loves to read but is a horrible procrastinator Great, most of these are Ravenclaw traits!!

Strengths: intelligent, cares for others, always make the logical choice, accepts responsibility Sounds good to me!

Weaknesses: oblivious, gives up easily, selfish, sometimes thinks too logically (makes decisions that hurt others), often reads people wrong & ends up hurting their feelings, bossy Although she has a fair few flaws (which is really good), be sure to make it obvious in the book that she has them. Although you and I know they're there, if you don't incorporate these in to the book, the readers won't, which may make it seem like she has a lot less flaws than she actually does. But really well done in giving her flaws that match her personality and don't clash with her strengths!

Powers: has adaptive magic, which is where she can almost "sense" what spell someone is going to use before they even can open their mouth to speak. it's a family gift, which she inherited from her grandmother. Is this possible, even for a wizard? It sounds a bit cliche, so be careful and do it well. What I mean by 'well' is don't make her power be able to solve every problem they come to face. Make sure, also, that this plays part of the main plot so that it actually serves a purpose.

I personally really like your character! You have been very original when creating your character and you've also put her in an original era if you change it to Molly's era as she wasn't in the marauders era. Although you got the era wrong, I'm not going to mark you down on that because this is OC reviews and I'm only supposed to judge the character on her looks, personality etc, not wrong facts. She is definitely a Ravenclaw as all of her personality traits, skills and flaws would match those of a Ravenclaw which is great. As you have described her, she looks really cute! Does she have any flaws with her looks though? A slight overbite? Spotty? Moles? The only other thing I'd say is be careful with her power and you don't overuse it. Very well done!

Mary Sue Rating- 20%

Grade- B+

A/N I'm gonna put this in all of the chapters, but I am currently taking members for my brand new book club. If you want to get your book recognised with some votes and constructive comments, go ahead and find the 'fanfiction book club' on my profile page and read the rules! Thanks!