SOTUS: Hand over heart

Chapter eleven

Kongpob sat alone at the cafeteria. The staring had gone down. People seemed to have moved on to other gossip. His mind was a mess. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to give Arthit an explanation. But how was he going to explain himself? Whatever excuse he came up with would end up hurting Arthit anyway. He wasn't sure what happened that night. He had no way of finding out either. How was he supposed to tell Arthit he didn't remember if he had slept with another person,Who coincidentally looked just like Arthit. That will only make Arthit feel worse. He haven't heard from Arthit for weeks. Then again Arthit didn't have a reason to speak to him. Why would he. Kongpob had stepped on his heart like a ruthless monster. It was his fault he paid any attention to Pen. While missing Arthit he tried to see him in Penchan. Instead of speaking to Arthit about his feelings, he was out being distracted by another. It was all his fault. He buried his head in his hands. In his confusion he had managed to hurt two other people.

" P' Kongpob? "

Kongpob let out a sigh and raised his head

" yes N' Penchan "

" are you alright? "

" it's non of your business N' "

" I'm your girlfriend! Of course it's my business! "

" I don't remember agreeing to be your boyfriend N' Pen " Kongpob was starting to feel his anger rising. He used to be cool headed. But since of recent everything set him off.

" P' Kongpob, why do you still say that? We have all the reasons to be together. You just don't want to admit it "

" Pen...I don't love you. I never will.. I have already given my heart to someone else. Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't love you so badly? "

Pen looked at him angrily,

" you should have thought about it before you had me pinned to your bed P' Kongpob." Kongpob swallowed hard. Flashes of a reoccurring dream of him kissing Arthit hungrily came into his mind. His lips hadn't gotten enough. He wanted to cover every inch of Arthit. But in the dream Arthit had pushed him away. He didn't remember anything more. He was speechless.

With eyes glistening in anger Pen lowered her voice,

"  you walk around telling people to take responsibility for their actions. to be honorable. But when it comes to you, it's all empty words. Don't just talk the talk P', but walk the walk. You are lucky I didn't complain to the dean or even worse the police of rape P' Kongpob. Think about that " she rose from her seat. " I will see you around "

Kongpob followed her and grabbed her arm

" are you blackmailing me?"

" think whatever you want P'. I just said I could have done it. But I didn't. Because I love you "

" how very noble of you "

" I'm the victim here P'. You are forgetting that . Now I have to go. Sawadee kha "

*

Kongpob's mind was running a mile a minute. Had he really forced himself on the girl? He was focused on Arthit he had forgotten his responsibility. The freshmen were his responsibility. Their parents had trusted him with them. He shouldn't have been drinking that day at all. He had let his guard down. One mistake had lead to many. He didn't know whom to speak to. Penchan was right. He was refusing to accept his mistake. He hardly made mistakes. He was a perfectionist. The fact that he had made a grave mistake was hurting his ego. Resulting in hurting everyone involved.

He wondered how Arthit was fairing. He knew Arthit well. He was probably blaming himself,  wallowing in misery. It hurt Kongpob deeply. Arthit didn't deserve it. He had to see Arthit for the last time. Beg him for forgiveness. Make Arthit know it wasn't because Arthit was lacking in anyway. Arthit was perfect to him. But his greed for more had only made him lose what was important.

He was at Arthit's door. He had been knocking but there had been no answer. He had his own key. But he wasn't sure if he was allowed to use it anymore. He sat by the door waiting. He didn't want to leave without seeing Arthit.

*

The sound of rattling keys had woken him up. Arthit stood in front of him. His hair messy and his fancy dress shirt untucked. The marks on his neck had sent Kongpob into a hysteria. He couldn't think straight. Arthit had been painfully sarcastic. Every time he mentioned the word 'cheat ' Kongpob felt a pang of pain in his heart. Arthit had asked him a simple question. He was tongue tied. He hadn't known how to explain himself.

Kongpob didn't know what made him do it. Arthit's presence alone had made him feel at home. It was his Arthit. The man who cared so much. Arthit was the kind of lover who preferred to do more than show. The age gap often made Kongpob act more controlling than necessary. Arthit went through the motion without a complaint.

He gave into the impulse and hugged Arthit. He longed for the comfort. Arthit felt soft and warm in his arms. He rested his forehead on the back of Arthit's shoulder. The pain he had been feeling started to flow as tears. He could feel Arthit let out a breath. But he didn't push him away.

Kongpob could smell a cologne he knew didn't belong to Arthit. He felt nauseous. His head started spinning. He tightened his hug. Despite the heat he felt Arthit shiver.

" are you done ? Let go now " Arthit's tone was cold and distant. As if he was speaking to a stranger.

Kongpob let go, the warmth immediately replaced by a shuddering cold feeling. Arthit left him standing alone in the room.

Kongpob sat on the couch. He remembered the picture Arthit had framed for him. He closed his eyes and leaned back. It was a dream now. Arthit's love will only be a dream.

Arthit was back with a towel and a couple clothes. Those were his clothes.

" you can come to collect the rest of your things later. I can't look for everything now. You know where to find the extra pillow and sheet. Good night "

" P' Arthit wait "

" what now?"

" why are you being so kind to me? "

Arthit simply looked into his eyes.

" this may come as a surprise to you Kongpob. But I did actually love you . You just didn't know how much "

Kongpob tightened his grip on the towel, trying hard not to let more tears escape. He wanted to  throw himself infront of a bus. His tears choked him.

He was not going to survive this.

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A/N- kind of a filler chapter on Kongpob's side of the story. You are allowed to hate Pen, Kongpob AND me !

On a side note, my precious queen rearthit had decided to drop by and read this. Which is quite a big deal for me and I'm still not over that initial unexpected, pleasant surprise. ( please excuse me. I just had to brag )