SOTUS: Hand over heart

Chapter fourteen

[ Edit-JustCMe recommended this song to me. It's the perfect song for Arthit here! Thank you so much babe! ]

" I really am sorry P' Arthit. Sawadee khrap "

Arthit closed the door behind him. He turned back and leaned on it closing his eyes. His chest felt tight. That was it. Kongpob left. He had asked Kongpob to let go. He had asked for a clean break. He could feel the wall he had build for the past couple of weeks come crumbling down. He had refused to acknowledge it. He had distracted himself. What he didn't expect was to see Kongpob and know for sure. He wished he hadn't seen Kongpob nod in agreement that there was a reason for him to accept he had cheated. Against his better judgment all this time a small portion of him had thought there had been a misunderstanding and Kongpob would come to him clearing things out.

He opened his eyes. The apartment felt empty. He felt empty. He blamed himself for what had happened. Until he met Kongpob he thought he liked girls. He did in fact like Namtan for the longest time. Then when he met Kongpob he realized he liked Namtarn out of habit and it was easier to harbor into that feeling than confront the feeling that Kongpob attracted him. He had been afraid. Hanging out with the boys at school and discussing girls most of his life had made it hard to get sexually attracted to Kongpob. He did find Kongpob extremely handsome. And through time Arthti did desire him. Kongpob seemed eager. But he was insecure about himself. He knew it was Kongpob's first time with a man too. What if it was not what they expected and wanted. He held tight into what they had between them and didn't want anything physical to get in between.

He was too careful trying to protect their relationship and that had backfired. Kongpob had gotten what he wanted from someone else. In his own intoxicated state he had kissed a stranger out of spite. He wanted to get back at Kongpob. He regretted it happened. He was disappointed in himself. Kongpob had seen the result of it. And the pain in Kongpob's eyes hadn't made him smug and satisfied. It had only worsen his disappointment.

He walked over to the couch. The pillow and sheet Kongpob had used were neatly placed on it. He lied his head on the pillow. It smelled of Kongpob. All the inhibitions he had that kept him from crying vanished. The sobs he had trapped inside of him escaped. He sobbed into the pillow. The tears flowed freely. His eyes squeezed shut. The sound of his sobs filled the apartment . His hand clutched into his chest, violently hitting it. Nobody actually knew how much Kongpob meant to him. Kongpob had changed his world and showed him an entirely different kind of happiness.

And now he was gone. Arthit had let him slip through his fingers. Forever.

*****

Kongpob was accompanying Chanpen to university. He did it whenever they had classes in the morning. He promised her to be a dutiful boyfriend. Deep down he hated every second. Chanpen's face only increased his misery. It was making him frustrated and restless. He never even smiled at Chanpen . He didn't want to. He only went through the motion. This wasn't Arthit. He felt like a prisoner. His mind was always filled with thoughts about Arthit. Was he alright? Does he take care of himself? Did he skip meals for the day? Who was the stranger that had his hands on Arthit? Were they together now? Had Arthit already moved on?

" P Kongpob? "

" yes? "

" it's my birthday today "

" oh.. happy birthday "

" thank you P' ... I was wondering. Are you free tonight? "

" why are you asking? "

" will you go out for dinner with me? It's my treat "

Kongpob thought about it. They have never had meals together. He had never wanted to. Chanpen never asked him before either. Maybe she had caught up on his mood.

" it's alright if you don't want to P' "

" no it's fine. At what time? "

" will you meet me at the benches infront of the faculty building at 6?"

*

He was late. Chanpen was waiting for him.

" N' Pen, sorry I got late. So where are we going? "

" to the stalls near the dorm P'. I can't really afford a fancy dinner. I hope you are not disappointed "

Kongpob looked at her surprised. There were so many things he didn't know about Chanpen.

" it's alright. I will treat you to dinner since it's your birthday "

" P' Kongpob. You really don't have to pity me "

" I know that. It's not out of pity. Consider it a birthday present "

Arthit's birthday was coming up as well. He had so much planned. But now there is no way he could even call Arthit to wish him let alone get him a present. Arthit had asked him not to contact him at all.

Chanpen smiled at him. He hated himself for getting into this situation.

*******

" N' Arthit? Hello?? " his coworker was waving his hands infront of his face .

" P' sharp. I'm sorry.. I was zoning out "

" yeah.. I noticed..I'm sure everyone in the office noticed how you have been overworking yourself making us look bad! What is wrong with you ? "

" it's nothing P' "

" N' Arthit, you are not a very good liar. So stop wasting your time and mine. Tell me what's bothering you? "

Since their training program together his coworker was pretty close to him. But he wasnt really ready to be talking about his problems. The coworker seemed to have read his mind.

" N' Arthit, I'm usually not a person who is nosy about other people's business. But you are like a little brother to me. Now talk to this P' . Your negative energy is spreading "

" I broke up with my boyfriend "

" oh.. do you have a friend you can talk to this about? "

" they all know Kongpob well. I don't want anyone to confront him "

" N' if you had shown me such kindness I would have gotten you an early promotion "

" P! "

" I'm joking.. now lighten up.. let's go to dinner tonight. It's crowded here. I will let you cry on my shoulder this once. How does that sound? "

" P' , I don't think.. "

" Perfect! I will call my wife and tell her I will be late "

Arthit sighed. Maybe he did needed to talk to someone.

*

" P' Sharp.. I don't want to go inside! "

*

" it's nice to officially know you. I'm pitcher "

*********

A/N - yes it's Pitcher from Uprince because why the hell not?