Nerd In Disguise

Ch. 26: Seeing Max after so long

Twenty-Six

I don't think I ever know what it's like to feel so lost and hurt until I lost Damien. Sure I've gone through something similar when dad's dying.

But losing Damien and he did said the same thing of dad's last words, it breaks me.

They reminded me that they're so proud of me, and it reminds me that I've let them down. They died because I couldn't be there in time to save them. To avoid that from happening and I don't know how to react to that.

People repeatedly told me it's not my fault, but I can't help feeling responsible for it.

"Elaina."

I look up at the call of my name. I smile slightly when I saw Max walking up towards me, but my smile fades when I spotted the bruises on him.

"What happened to you?"

Max touch his bruises on his cheek and shook his head, "It's nothing I just-"

"Max this is not nothing. You're hurt." I cut him off and swat his hand away and inspect the black and blue bruise on his cheeks.

His right eye swollen, his upper lip has a cut and his cheekbones is the worse. "Max, did something happened-"

"It's nothing Elaina." He grumbled, "It will be fine. Now talk to me."

I blink, surprise he ask me that. I mean we didn't talk for so long. It has been months since I last talk to Max. I frowned at him and shrug, "I'm surviving so that's something."

"I heard you already quit school."

"Yes I have."

I continue walking down the path with Max walking alongside me, "Same." He muttered a minute later.

I stop midway and stare at him shock, "What? But your scholarship for-"

"I'm working at my aunt's cafe now." He cut me off, "Gotta pay the bills somehow."

"Max, your dad...he pick up his old habit again?" I ask slowly, worried about my friend.

Max shrug, "Life."

We stay quiet for the next few minutes as we walk down the pathway side by side when he said, "I know you're blaming yourself over what had happened and I know you're shutting everyone out. That's not a way for you to deal with your sorrow."

I sigh, "It begins because of me. She was there because I was their target and they wanted me dead." I gritted out. "But they got their aim fucked up and shot the wrong fucking person and it caused his life! And now my mum's missing. How the fuck is this not my fault?"

"It's not because you wouldn't know that will happened." He answered, shrugging. "The same way you used to assure me it's not my fault mum left and dad lost his mind."

He face me and grab my shoulder, staring straight into my eyes. "You got this okay? I know you do."

I snorted, "You make it sound like I'm going for a Football game or something." I teased and sigh shortly after. "This is a matter of life and death situation. I don't know if I can make it out alive. Or simply get everyone out safely."

"Sure you will. The Elaina I know is pretty tough and she won't let things like these bring her down." Max said shrugging and grin at me, "Now can we grab a coffee or something? I'm starve honestly."

•••

When I got to the graveyard, I already spot Louisa's figure sitting right in front of Damien's grave. I walk quietly to her.

"Why must you go so soon?" I heard Louisa said softly as I got closer and she rest her hand on Damien's tombstone. "I can picture myself in the future. Bringing home the guy I could possibly marry someday, and then you threatening him with your shotgun by your side. I picture you getting married in few years, and I will pester you to tell me all about how you met her and everything. Things were perfect. You were like a dad to me. You look after me, you tend to my misery and you understand the things I'm feeling when I don't even understand it myself. Why do you have to go?"

She break down crying and bring her knees to her chest. I cover my mouth to make sure I don't let her hear me crying. I had to be strong for her.

"I still need you." She cried, "I was not ready to lose you too."

I wipe my tears and nose and walk down to her and take a sit beside her. "None of us were ready Lou." I muttered, "But life's cruel isn't it? They give us alittle but of sunshine in life, taste a little of what it feels like to be happy and then they take that away from you. That's life."

Louisa continue sobbing but she rest her head on my shoulder, "I really hope he's up there with dad. And look after us from there."

I laugh, "You kidding? That's dad and Damien we're talking about. I'm sure they're all up in our business and probably discussing to haunt our future boyfriend whenever we get one. And probably already up on Kyle's ass cause he's engaged to me already."

She manage a small smile and chuckle lightly, "Yeah I'm sure they're glaring at mom whenever she let us went out on a date without threatening the boy first."

"Yeah, mom probably is in big trouble with them already."

"Someday." She said, "Someday we'll get to be with them again and this time we will be a complete family."

I frown at the way she said it. Sure someday we're going to die, but the way she said makes me feel so uneasy. I lost two of my family member, I can't afford to lose another one.

"I'm here for you if you need me Lou." I said, "Just promise me you won't leave."

She lifted her head off of my shoulder and look at me, smiling warmly. "I won't. I will always be with you too."

"Okay good."

We both lay on the ground and look up at the sky, letting the clouds pass by and watch as the sky turns darker by each minute.

Not caring that it's almost night time, just laying there and try to feel whole again. Desperately seeking for any hope left in life.

***

I've finally updated like after I don't know how long & I admit, that my updates has been getting so long each time. But that's all because I'm losing some inspiration & I'm desperately trying to get my shit together.

And if this is a shitty chapter, my apologies. I'm not in my best months. My life has been going downhill & I'm trying to be okay about everything.

But hopefully, you're all doing good! Have a lovely week!

Love you,
Shah 🖤