Wolves and Bread (COMPLETED)

Chapter 13

A grand lake lies before us, the crystal clear water reflecting like a mirror and when the sun shines upon it at the right angle, various shimmers appear on the surface that temporarily blind everyone who regards them. All around stand lush green trees and a couple of cherry blossom trees form a kind of den at the edge of the water.

'It's gorgeous here.' Breathlessly I admire the scenery, vocabulary completely nullified thanks to the natural beauty.

'I like to come here every now and then and reflect.' Namjoon looks ahead to the waterline with a calm expression. He then gestures to the blooming baby pink sakura trees and the crisp grass underneath. 'Shall we sit there? It provides the best view.' I nod and follow him.

For a moment we sit in silence, not starting the conversation for which we have come here, only the wind disturbing the wordless minutes.

Suddenly he interrupts the sereneness with his deep voice. 'We all have our problems and each of us deals with them in a different manner.'

I decide to keep quiet and let him speak. 'The day Jimin spoke about is something we all have in common. It has changed us and now we are not our old selves anymore. In a sense, it is a good thing, but also bad. Worst of all is, it is because of me they are different.' The leader's voice becomes even lower and acquires a sinister hint that ties a knot of fear in the stomach with the statement of the last sentence.

'You just said they have changed for the better.' Slightly surprised by the paradox and with multiple questions caused by this in my gaze, I look at him whilst the same distress from before keeps growing.

'Don't get me wrong, they surely have. The downside, however, is because of me. If I hadn't helped them, they would have healed differently and perhaps in a superior way.'

'How? How did you help them?' The terms in which the leader presents it are too vague to understand and it is this incomprehension which makes it impossible to interrupt him in the unneeded self-torture. Thus far it is like a story without a clear narrative wherein small pieces of text are connected in an unknown fashion, but nevertheless knows plot holes.

'I recommended them my therapy, something I shouldn't have done.' A lethargic and incredibly gloomy gaze, long fingers forming into trembling fists. 'It's all my fault.'

That is enough. There must be something I can do.

Although I mostly refrain from doing so, I wrap my arms around the long chap and hold him close, his head on my chest, heart racing with the absurd expectation that he will quickly realize what he is doing and shall retreat.

Scarlet, stop this, you damned fool. You're friends and this is what they do. Stop being doubtful of yourself and them.

'Don't say that, oppa. The guys are happy that you are with them, they don't blame you for anything.' Slowly, I repeatedly run my fingers lovingly and comfortingly through his blonde hair. 'Please, Namjoon, don't believe that nonsense. Whatever happened, it was out of your influence. Nobody accuses you of anything.'

His fingers wind themselves around my forearm and tighten the grip on it, almost painfully so. A shiver followed by a constant jerky rhythm of the motion, the betrayal that all suffering and hatred try to force an escape to the outside world.

Is he crying?

Warm water streams down underneath the hand that rests on the sun-kissed cheek, the evidence he is no longer able to keep it together. I hate seeing him like this, all protective walls entirely broken down so that the rawest side of him is shown to the world. 'Somebody does. Yoongi has never forgiven me.'