Attracting Trouble

Chapter 19: Fixing You

Eventually I grow tired of being left with only myself. I don't know how everyone else has put up with me because I can't hardly deal with myself.

When I think the coast is clear, I make sure my gown is shut in the back before I limp out the door. My ankle cannot take the weight of my body, that's the first thing I figure out. Even with the thick, hard cast it still shoots pain up my leg. The second is that my head must've taken a hard hit because I'm dizzier than a druggie.

I spot a wheelchair out of the corner of my eye that is folded against the wall, not being used. So, I grab it before I can fall on my face and sit down in it.

I have to go find Hannah.

In my time alone in the hospital room, I've thought constantly about all the things screwed up in my life.

Hannah is the first person I need to talk to. Mom will take some arguing with, Dad will understand anything I try to tell him, and Will can wait. He's waited how many years now?

I push myself down the hallway and peek into the waiting room, looking around the corner like a stalker.

I spot Hannah sitting in the corner, her legs folded underneath her as she sticks her nose farther into her book. She's reading These Broken Stars, a science fiction novel that I remember her buying at the book store. Must be a good read. Her eyes look droopy from a lack of sleep.

As soon as I'm about to sneak over to her in a way I haven't figured out, she gets up, shuts her book with the bookmarked trapped in the middle, and stalks off. I quickly wheel after up the hallway.

"Hannah!" I whisper-yell, not wanting draw any unwanted attention. She doesn't hear me and continues to walk slowly. "Hannah!" I say again and she looks around her, her eyebrows lifting in surprise. She doesn't see me until I run into the backs of her heels.

I forgot how to stop.

"Jessa?" She exclaims, worry filling her face as soon as she lays her eyes on me. I can't imagine how I look. If it's the same way as I feel, it's probably not too good.

"Hey," I say, trying my best smile. It hurts my face to smile too big, so I keep it at a minimum.

She moves quickly, stopping in front of me and moving mechanically, not sure of what to do. "You shouldn't be out here! The heart monitor, the machines, your ankle-"

"Han, its fine," I tell her. "I need to talk to you."

She shakes her head furiously, her brows knitting together as she steps behind my chair and tries to push me. I lock my fingers around the wheels and use what little strength I do have to keep myself in place.

"Jessa, it can wait. I promise, it can. Right now you need to go back in your room so you can get better," she fusses. Finally, I lose my grip on the wheels and Hannah turns me around.

"Staying in that room is not going to help me," I tell her despite the possible lie that is. "Look, this can't wait. I'm not going to let something happen before I get to tell you how sorry I am."

She's still wheeling me towards my door, and even though I want to lay back down before I pass out, I'm glad that she stops right before we turn the corner to head towards it.

I start talking before she does. "I'm so sorry for taking you for granted. I wish I wasn't so selfish, but I am. I'm going to fix that, I promise. You deserve better than me. But right now, the only thing I have to offer you is... this stupid speech... or that stupid liquid stuff they're pumping into my body."

At the reminder that I'm not connected to the things that I'm supposed to be connected to, Hannah quickly rushes me into my room. She helps me back into bed and we call a nurse in the reconnect everything. It's painful all over again when the nurse puts the stupid IV in my arm.