Everything Changes

Chapter 6: Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?

I throw my back against my locked door, letting my guilt rightfully punish me. It clawed at my heart, threatening to drag me to the darker side of my mind. I just let the tears fall down my face, now that I'm alone.

All I do is think of that night and how if I hadn't called him to come get me, he would still be here. Why did I have to be such a freaking baby? Why did I even go- I was FINE! I was fine... I shouldn't be alive. I shouldn't even be happy right now.

I was disgusted with myself when I thought about what just happened with Zack- at breakfast- or even at the pizza place; how could I have not been more careful? I shouldn't live out my dreams when my father never got a chance to finish any of his.

These are the dark thoughts that remind me of my place; even when I think I can be even a little happy. I remember all the times he told me that his biggest dream was to walk me down that special wedding aisle, but I took that away from him. I quickly grab a nearby towel to let out a scream as the pain gets worse. My sides hurt so bad from sobbing at this point. I lay there for a couple of minutes, just letting karma run its course.

I continue to cry until I'm gasping for air through quivering breaths. I hear a knock at my door, but I don't answer. I just lay there, wishing I could just go to sleep at this moment. I know I deserve all this and more... I clench my teeth over my tongue, fighting the urge to let out another scream.

Whoever is at my door knocks again. I stand up, walking over to the mirror to try and make sure my face is at least dry. My face and eyes are a deep red. I can't do anything right, I didn't want them to know I had been crying so hard.

I'm not trying to ruin anything else for everyone. Realizing this was the most presentable I'll ever be, I opened the door. Emma and Liam were standing there, looking at me with sad eyes. "Hey... Wanna talk about what happened back there?"

"I'm sorry, guys. He was just so close and everything, I kinda freaked and ran off. He probably thinks I am such a spaz... or something." I said half-heartedly, not making eye contact with either of them.

They gave a weak smile, quickly exchanging looks with one another. I wonder if they bought it or if they can just see right through me; I can't really tell.

"God, you are such a dork! Now... come on and get your butt back out there." Emma looked as if her eyes were slightly glossy as she grabbed my hand. Liam just gave a small, reassuring nod.

As we reach the living room, my brother is on the phone. "Yeah, dude that sounds awesome! ......this weekend? I will be there, for sure." Zack is sitting on the couch with a soda in his hand, just staring off into space.

"Hell yeah!" Andrew hangs up the phone and taps Zack on the arm with the back of his hand. "Party at Chris's house tomorrow night. You in?" Zack nods with a wide grin and they high-five. My brother turns to me. "What about you? Wanna come?"

"Not really... you know the party thing really isn't m-" Emma slapped her hand over my mouth.

"She means yes, we will go!"

"Oh right, um- Chris said that no one with the name 'Emma' is allowed to go. Really strange. Something about them being ultra lame." My brother looked at her with a half-smile, letting her know he was teasing. I was surprised when she didn't blush or anything. I know I would have, but maybe that's because I'm weaker mentally.

"Is that so? I'll make you eat those words tomorrow night."  She winked at him. How does she do this without going into some kind of panic attack! "Wait, you guys?! What if I don't wanna go?" Emma eyed me.