Everything Changes

Chapter 28: The Aftermath

                                                                                                             Ryder's P.O.V

There was the faint sound of sirens and the sun shining in my eyes that was slowly waking me up. Along with the tapping on my shoulder. "Dude wake up, I'm about to go inside. Are you coming this time?" We were parked outside of the hospital and Erick was about to go visit Derek. It had been a few days since the accident and we both have been sleeping in Erick's car.

"Just give me a little to wake up more. You can go on ahead. I'll probably catch up." I hadn't stepped a foot through the doors once. And it was a combination of not being here since my mom died and the way I acted that night. She's never going to forgive me.  He gave me a look of doubt before walking away. As I had my internal battle of what was the right thing to do.

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I was pacing back and forth when I noticed a familiar face walking outside of the hospital. Someone I needed to apologize to but didn't know if it was the right moment or if I would chicken out. Chickening out wasn't an option so here goes nothing.

    "Mrs Nova!" She turned to look at me as I broke into a small jog. "Ryder, it's so nice to see you." Giving me a small hug once we were finally close. She smelled like a cool breeze mixed with hospital food. The guilt was overwhelming with just seeing the warmth in her eyes. She wouldn't be looking at me like that for much longer. I treated her daughter like crap.

     "I was wondering if you had a moment to talk?" I pointed towards a bench that was only a few inches away from us. She nodded and sat down as soon as she approached it. Here goes nothing. I took the seat next to her and my palms turned instantly sweaty. My heart was beating and I knew that afterwards Mrs. Nova was going to hate me.

"Are you okay? Do you need something to drink?" Her concern for me was making this harder than it already was. I almost lost my nerve but both of them deserved better. Mrs Nova had taken me in when I needed it most even if it was for a short time. Both her and Aria had helped me beyond anything I ever deserved. So the least I could do was look her in the eye and tell her the truth.

"This is all my fault...I hurt her." I thought the expression in her eyes would change to hatred but it didn't. It turned into a mixture of confusion and a little bit of sadness. With the warmth still present "It was an accident, it wasn't your fault. These things happen. You shouldn't blame yourself honey." She was wrong and no matter how much I wanted her to keep looking at me with that warmth. It wasn't fair and I spilled everything that happened that night. Including what I said to Aria, nothing was left out. Because she deserved to know. She deserved to hate me and I would take that hatred with stride. But what she said shocked me.

"Ryder, you can't blame yourself for what happened. And sometimes we say things that we don't mean in a moment of anger or trying to protect the person we care about." She gave me a pointed look like she knew more than she was telling.

"I still remember the night of Mr. Nova's accident. Before I went to bed we had gotten into an argument that night and I can't remember what it was about but I remember I wasn't proud of what I said." She paused for a moment. As if trying to collect herself.

"I wish I could take it back but I can't and I will never get the chance to say 'I'm sorry' but I know he would want me to forgive myself. So Ryder, It happened and you have to forgive yourself. The accident wasn't your fault and I know in time that Aria will forgive you now, Emma might take a little longer." She laughed at her own joke.