Chapter 12.

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Our lips moved together in sync. Our bodies layed on the bed, his hand on my waist, pulling me closer to his body. My free hand trailed up to his cheek and slowly resting it on the crook of his neck.

He flipped us over a bit so now I was under him. My hands going from the crook of his neck, to his shoulder and resting on his chest. His hands were cupping my face, trying to deepen the kiss. His skin was hot and soon the room felt way too warm even with only his shirt on.

He pulled away a bit and looked into my eyes. "I've been waiting to do that for so long."

"I know." I smiled at him as he looked at me in confusion but he smiled along with me.

Our foreheads touched and I honestly felt like I could just stay with him here forever. But it's Connor. He's the best friend of the boy who temporarily ruined my life that I'm slowly gaining control of again. But I feel like every time, it falls out of my grasp. But I want to keep it controlled. Not have it be a zoo.

"Just relax." He whispers into my ear before trailing kisses down my jaw line and down my neck. He then goes up and kisses my lips. "I'm not going to do anything stupid. I may have alcohol in my system but I'm not going to do anything stupid."

That was the last thing that was on my mind. But I nod anyways as he continues to kiss my neck. I reach my hands up to entwine my fingers through his hair and try to pull him closer. All I want is to get my mind off everything. And Connor is the only person who lets me be me. Other than Jc.

In fact, I actually do like Connor. I've had feelings for him ever since that New Years party. Right when the ball dropped, he snaked an arm around my waist and kissed my temple since I was still a minor back then. I was only sixteen. But now I'm not a minor and all I want is him.

"Connor?" He stopped and looked up at me. "You don't have to answer this but," I take a deep breath. "Do you want to, you know..."

"Have sex?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I wouldn't have worded it like that." I felt my cheeks burn. "But yeah." He chuckles a bit.

He brings his head up to my level and we lock eyes. He's hovering over me, our faces millimeters apart. My hands are on the crook of his neck while his right hand is on my waist and his left is supporting him.

"God," He pecks my lips. "You're something special." I gasp as his lips crash into mine for the second time, this time, with hunger. I don't hesitate to entwine my fingers in his hair and pull him closer. His right hand goes under me and rests on the small of my back before lifting my body up against his.

He slowly lowers both our bodies down onto the mattress. His whole weight on me and I don't care. I gasp as he bites my bottom lip and we start to move against each other. Him fully clothed while I'm wearing only his t-shirt and my undergarments.

"Ever since," He drops down to kiss my neck. "that party," My collar bone. "on New Years." He kisses my cleavage over the shirt. His hands go down for him to take off his shirt and he pulls it over his head. I trace my fingers over his chest and down his stomach, feeling his abs that are clearly there.

He kisses my lips again, never stopping to take a breath. His fingers tug at the shirt I'm wearing and I lift myself up to help him pull it off. I sit up, never leaving his lips until he finally needs to pull his shirt over my head. I tug at his belt and he groans in frustration before helping me unbuckle it and take off his pants.

I sit on his lap. My hands in his hair. He unhooks my bra before his hands rest on my hips. We move together until he stops my hips. I pull away from the kiss and look at him.

"What's wrong?" I drop my hands from his hair and place them on my lap. He pushes me off him and I fall onto the mattress.

"I'm sorry." He struggles to pull up his pants as quick as he can. "I just,"

"I forced you didn't I?" I put my hands in front of my face and start shaking my head. "God, I'm so sorry I-"

"No!" He interrupts me. "I want to, God, I want to." He picks up his shirt, holding it in his hands. "I just don't think it's a good idea for us to do this yet."

"Okay."

"I want to be with you, I do. It's just that, I don't think we should start whatever we'll start with sex, you know?"

"Yeah," I nod my head. "You're right. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing. You did nothing wrong. I mean, I want to, it's just if we start this relationship off with sex, that's all we'd want from each other." I give him one more nod before pulling his shirt over my head and laying down. "I'm going to change into pajamas then we can go to sleep, okay?"

I nod. Connor walks over to me and pecks my lips before walking out of the room.

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