Crush (18+)

Chapter 22

When I was younger, I used to like the feeling of being nervous. It's an odd feeling you can't really describe, but whenever I felt that way, I felt like I had to prove something to myself. For example back in 6th grade when I was to death for heights, we were on this excursion and the only way to get back to the camp was by crossing a really unstable bridge that was higher than the apartment building my grandma used to live in.

Now I know you could easily take another route to get back to the camp, but that isn't the point. The point is that I was so nervous and scared for my life, but I needed to do this. And once you've done it, that feeling is worth crossing a thousand bridges.

Today was different.

The excitement of being nervous was nowhere to be found and all that was left was me with a throbbing heart in my throat and sweaty hands. I hated the feeling and I kept trying to tell myself it was going to be fine, even though it didn't work.

Was it really going to be fine though?

I looked at Brandon and for a moment I was considering telling him everything. Telling him about how I had a crush on his dad and about how we almost had sex on his family vacation. About how everything he left me alone with his father, I was trying to keep myself from jumping on top of him. How I hated his mom because Mr Adams was in love with her instead of me. I even wanted to tell him about Mia confessing her love to me.

But I didn't say a word.

What was the point? I was only going to hurt him and I'm pretty sure Noah would hate me forever if he knew I told Brandon about us. The only person who was even more scared the truth would come out than me, was Noah. 

The reason I didn't want to tell Brandon about Mia was for the same reason. Mia made me promise not to tell anyone about her being in love with me and who was I to break a promise to my best friend? I know I've done a lot of messed up shit, but I don't think I could bear losing Mia.

We arrived at Brandon's house and as he was opening the door, I nervously wiped my sweaty hand off on my jeans. It really surprised me how Brandon didn't notice what a nervous wreck I was being.

"Is anybody here?" I asked Brandon as casual as possible while I took off my jacket. "I'm not sure," he shrugged. "My dad might be still at work. He has been spending more time there than usual."

I just nodded and followed him to the living room. Brandon suggested to watch a movie and I caught myself on agreeing everything he said. It must be the guilt. As Brandon went to the kitchen to make some popcorn, I was looking for a movie to watch on the big tv screen when the door from the hall to the living room opened.

Please, not now. Please....

Noah walked in and to say he looked surprised to see me would be an understatement. His eyes looked big and tired and I honestly couldn't blame him. Living with the feeling of guilt was the worst feeling in the world, even though it was the karma we both deserved.

He opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out and I wasn't thinking when I suddenly stood up and wrapped my arms around his torso. I felt his hands softly sliding from my arms to me shoulders before he pushed me off of him.

"No," he said sternly.

I stepped back, knowing he was right. How could I be so stupid? All I had to do was sit my ass down on this couch and not touch him. Why did I need his touch so much?

"We're not doing this again Valeria," he continued and I just nodded, tears welling up in my eyes. I tried my hardest not to let my tears escape my eyes, scared Brandon would suspect something when he'd come back.

Not much later he did come back, way sooner than I wanted him to, and he looked surprised when he saw his dad standing here. His eyes went from his dad to me and he frowned. "What is going on? Val, are you crying?"

He rushed over to me and at this point I couldn't hold the tears anymore. Everything came out. The guilt, all the lies, everything. You can only take so much until you break. Brandon threw his arms around me and tried to calm me down, even though he had no idea why I was crying in the first place. I can only imagine how stupid I must look right now.

Was this the moment I was going to tell him? I have never really thought about when or how I was going to tell him the truth. Or if I even would tell him truth... The thought scared me and I was so blinded by my obsession with Noah that I didn't even want to think about it.

Right now felt like a good moment. His dad was here, I was already crying and Brandon was clearly desperate to know what the hell was going on.

I was trying to get my thought in order and think what to say to Brandon when Noah suddenly spoke up. "Valeria is upset because she wasn't accepted into NYU."

For a second it was like the world stopped. In slow motion I was looking from Noah to Brandon and then back to Noah. How was it even possible that Noah knew about NYU? I haven't told anyone, not even Tina or my mom.

"Wait, what?" Brandon asked as he held my face in his hands. I hated being so close to him right now. I'd rather run away right now and never go back to this house. For the first time since I've met him, I hated Noah. I hated him for outing me, only because he was too scared of Brandon finding out to the truth.

He would never let me tell Brandon and this proved it. Noah Adams would rather hurt other people instead of taking responsibility for his actions and it was like he didn't even care. He was just standing there, arms crossed and no emotion on his face.

"I'm sorry," I said as I turned to Brandon. "I wanted to tell you, I guess I just wasn't ready to talk about it yet."

Brandon pressed his lips against my forehead as he was whispering things to try and make me feel better, while in the corner of my eyes I saw Noah leaving the living room. All I kept thinking of was how in the world he knew about my rejection for NYU. I kept telling myself to stay away from him, but I wouldn't be Valeria if I didn't try to find out the truth.