Crush (18+)

Chapter 26

Everything was great.

I was finally a woman and Noah would never see me as a minor anymore. We could finally legally be together, well in secret that is. There was still no way we were going to tell anyone about us. Just because it was legal right now, didn't mean we wouldn't ruin lives with it.

At least he wouldn't be sent to prison after what happened last night. Just thinking about last night made me feel all excited again. I wish I could just run up to his room and experience last night all over again.

Right now I was laying next to Brandon though and I hoped he wasn't feeling the tension that I was feeling. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but there was definitely something in the air. He couldn't possibly know about what I did last night, so why did it feel like he did?

"You okay, baby?" I asked him. He was so focused on his phone that at first he didn't even hear me. I literally had to grab his arm to get his attention. Why was he on his phone the whole time anyway? It was the morning after my birthday, wasn't he supposed to give me some kind of attention since it was my first real day as an adult?

Brandon mumbled something that sounded like "I'm fine" and I decided to take his word for it, not in the mood to start a discussion. It was weird. I mean, ever since Brandon and I "reconnected", it feels like we've been more apart than we ever have been. I guess I wasn't ready to admit it to myself, but lately I've been feeling so distant from him.

Was it because of Noah? Maybe, but even though I've been together with Noah for a while now, I still cared about Brandon and about our relationship. I know that I have been the one who has been distant, but now that he is starting to get distant as well, I'm starting to get worried.

I thought about him and that girl from last night and I just really wanted to know what was up with her, so I casually brought her up. "Are you texting that girl you were talking to last night? She was pretty."

Brandon looked up at me and frowned. "You mean Emily?" 

Emily, huh? How did this girl even end up at my party? Okay, I did invite everyone in senior year so I guess she goes to our school. I have never seen her before to be honest. 

"Yeah," I nodded. "How do you know her?"

I hope I didn't sound like a psycho girlfriend who wanted to know every single person in her boyfriend's life, but right now I guess I was the psycho girlfriend. I couldn't stand it when Brandon shut me out and it was unfair from my part, since I've been doing nothing but shutting him out lately.

"Okay, don't get angry please," Brandon said and at this point my hands were sweating. This was it, this was the moment he'd tell me he is in love with someone else and everything, all of the secrets, had been for nothing. I couldn't believe he was going to dump me.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, mentally preparing myself for what Brandon was about to tell me right now. "I have been failing some of my classes and with graduation coming and all, I really have to get my shit together. I know I should've told you sooner, but Emily has been tutoring me the last couple of weeks."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise, not expecting this at all. Emily was tutoring him? That was it? God, I was getting way too paranoid. A relieved laugh left my mouth and I pressed my lips against his. Why was I so scared anyway? I knew Brandon would never cheat on me. He is not his dad, or me... Or his mom.

Fuck, we really are ruining his life.

Brandon seemed confused by my sudden affection but kissed me back anyway. I climbed on Brandon's lap and when he started pressing soft kisses in my neck, my mind automatically went back to last night. I suddenly felt so guilty and I pushed Brandon off of me, surprising him even more.

"Where are you going?" he asked me when I climbed off of the bed and I told him I was going to take a shower. I don't know what suddenly came over me, but I didn't want to be in the same room as him anymore. The guilt, it was too much.

I told him I was only going to take a shower and that I would be right back. Once the hot water was falling down on my naked skin, I could somewhat relax again. Of course I knew this couldn't go on like this. How long did I think I could do this for?

Brandon deserved do be with someone who was just as crazy about him. Someone who could give him what he needed, not some poor girl who enjoys having sex with his dad. God, if my mother would ever find out what I've been doing she'd definitely kill me. She didn't raise me to be a dirty slut. Maybe Rafael was right about me after all.

I felt so dirty, not even a shower could help this feeling. It was so confusing - I suddenly hated myself for what I did last night, but I also knew that I would do it again without a second thought. 

I turned off the shower and quickly changed myself into a dress and a pair of Chucks I once stole from Tina's closet. The best thing for me to do right now was acting like nothing happened and get the fuck out of this house. 

 I was practically ready to grab my bag and leave when I found Brandon sitting on his bed, looking like he'd just seen a ghost. My eyes slowly moved to my phone in his hand and it was like everything happened in slow-motion.

Me running up to him, grabbing the phone from his hands. Reading the messages between Noah and me, crying and begging Brandon to let me explain.

He knew. He fucking knew everything. How could I be so reckless to leave my phone next to him after all the messages Noah had sent me. I wasn't even angry at Brandon for reading my messages because everything that I had done was so much worse.

"You're fucking my dad? What the fuck is wrong with you?!" he screamed. I was still crying. God, I must've looked so pathetic sitting here on the ground, holding onto his legs so he wouldn't move. I kept repeating how sorry I was, how much I wanted to tell him.

"It only happened once. Just please, hear me out! It's nothing Brandon, please.. I just-"

I didn't even know what I was saying anymore, so maybe it was a good thing Brandon shut me up. I desperately watched him throw all of my stuff in my direction. Even the presents I once surprised him with were laying right in front of me.

He was mumbling how fucking crazy all of this was and how he wanted me out of his house, right when Noah walked into the room. My eyes slowly moved from Brandon to Noah and back to Brandon again. Seriously Noah's timing couldn't have been any worse.

"What's going on in here?" Noah innocently asked as his eyes burned on me. I think that my puffy eyes and wet cheeks had said enough, though Brandon swinging his fist into his father's face was the real answer he was looking for.

Brandon stopped after that punch. I didn't know what he would do next and he surprised me when he walked out of the door. No second punch. No screaming in our faces. Was it stupid to rather have him scream at me and tell me how much he hated me for fucking his dad instead of him just leaving like this?

I was shaking and alone because Noah ran after Brandon the second he walked out of this door. I picked up my stuff that was laying in front of me and closed the door on my way out. This might be the last time I'll be in this house but maybe it is better like this.

Crying and all, I walked all the way home, ignoring the people who were giving me funny looks. I wanted to yell at them to mind their own business, that maybe I just had a really shitty day. But I didn't want to feel sorry for myself. This was on me, all of it. 

It was funny how all this time I truly thought something beautiful would come out of this situation, but now that it all went down I realize I might have ruined a whole family here. Fuck.