A Beginners Guide: The Irish Way🍀🇮🇪

16: irish things

Us irish are a strange happy bunch. But isn't all rain and Guinness. We have a few things that either piss us off or we just dont understand.

1) You look lovely today ( We Irish don't deal well with compliments. When someone pays us one we tend to deny it completely, say that they look nicer or end up obsessing over why they said such a nice thing to us )

2) Your accent is so cool ( Yes, thank you)

3) Remember when... ( This is our worst nightmare following a night out. Cue sweaty palms, wide eyes and an overactive imagination going into overdrive)

4) The bus/train has been delayed/cancelled ( transport is the bane of our existence and it frequently fails us when we REALLY need to be somewhere on time )

5) More cuts ( We honestly don't know what's left at this point )

6) There's no teabags/milk/any of the components that make up a cuppa ( Tea is a basic in the Irish diet. We have it when we're happy/ sad/ tired/ freezing/ having a chocolate biscuit. But if one of the components is missing, everything falls apart)

7) Last call! ( But we were having so much craic )

8) Your NCT/Tax is up for renewal ( It's that time of the year again and we're broke after paying the electricity bill, the gas bill, our rent. When it rains, it pours )

9) You're working the bank holiday weekend ( Someone's got to do but it always seems like you end up working the best one. Damn everyone else and their amazing plans )

10) We lost ( Someone pass us the tissues and don't talk to us for at least two hours )

11) There's going to be rain (We're not surprised but it still sucks )

12) You're Irish? You must love Guinness/ potatoes/ Riverdance (We might well love nothing more than sitting down to a plate of potatoes and a pint of Guinness while watching Riverdance but people should not assume)

13) Do you know John from Kerry? ( This is annoying on two levels because a) we don't know everyone who lives where we live, and b) there are lots of people called John )

14) Road Signs. ( Alright, so road signs have improved over the last couple of years but they aren't really an awful lot better. Just take the below as an example. WHERE EXACTLY ARE WE GOING? Sure, we all know the way and if tourists are lost, they'll ask for help )

15) Queues. ( No, we don't like them. We just can't understand why anyone would stand in a queue for a lengthy period of time. We just won't do it )

16) The "One Drink" ( We don't leave the pub after one drink. Ever. Also, we don't understand anyone who leaves the pub after one drink )

17) Fire Alarms. ( If you ever find any Irish person who has ever left a premises where a fire alarm has gone off, shake their hand. They are much stronger than you )

18) Accepting food/drink straight away. ( Every Irish person KNOWS that you have to get involved in the whole "no, I'm grand" dance. Then someone insists and so it goes over and back for quite a while. This is the only polite way to deal with this conversation. It's a dance, you need to get involved )

19) Not offering tea. ( Good Lord, I've been in this house for about fifteen minutes now and no one has offered me any tea. Who are these heathens? )

20) Explaining Father Ted quotes. ( We should never have to explain a Father Ted quote. Ever)

21) Time Management ( If we say we're going to be there ABOUT 8, we could be there from 7.30 right up to 9.00. We said ABOUT 8, this does not mean 8 )

22) Dressing for the weather. ( No matter what time of the year it is, we just can't get it right. We're either getting drenched, freezing or getting sunburnt. It's never right )

23) Compliments ( Oh no, we just cannot take compliments. What's a compliment? I GOT THIS IN PENNEYS!)

24) Going away for the summer
( Well, we have got a little bit better about leaving the country lately but this is a new thing. A caravan in Dingle used to suit us all grand )

25) Sandwiches without butter. ( Just, what? Fine, we have been using mayonnaise lately but still. You need something )

26) A meal without potatoes. ( Again, we are getting a little better here but there has to be rice or pasta. Basically, there has to be a carbohydrate to balance everything )

27) The nightclub is over and everyone goes home. ( Ha! This would never happen )