A Beginners Guide: The Irish Way🍀🇮🇪

43: irish funerals

This seems very depressing but at the same time you have to laugh because Irish people do it in such a unique way. (I'm going to hell for this) because apparently
“A VERY IMPORTANT part of the Irish way of life is death”.

Of course the passing of a family member, friend or acquaintance is a sad time for all involved, but there are certain things that make an Irish funeral unique – the customs, the grub, and yes, even the craic. (Very important)

Here’s how you can be absolutely sure you’re at a traditional Irish funeral…

1)  Someone asks if you're going to the removal, or mass, or both  (This depends on many factors: how well did you know the deceased or the family? Can you get off work to go to the mass? How far away is the church? Will there be a feed afterwards?)

2) "Are you going up to the house?" ( If there’s a wake in the house you might “go up”, get a cup of tea in your hand, stand around the coffin for a while, and tell a few stories. There will be a lot of hand clasping and half talking/half whispering. There might be sandwiches. Hang, cheese and Coleslop. Yum)

2) Handshaking ( Irish funerals feature a lot of queuing up to shake hands. It can sometimes be tricky to know what to say. Just say; they were so nice, pity they had to go, sorry for your loss)

3) "He does a lovely funeral" ( Hopefully the funeral will be celebrated by a priest who does a good mass. People will want to be talking about what a lovely ceremony it was and “doesn’t he do a lovely funeral”. Sure what else will they talk about immediately afterwards?)

4)  Someone will stay behind in the house to ward off opportunistic robbers  ( A neighbour must be appointed to this task. Everyone knows that would-be-burglars listen to the death notices to see where there might be easy pickings during the funeral.)

5) "Be not afraid" will be played ( This is a staple of Irish funerals. Play "Too much of heaven"/ "Living in a bubble" by Eiffel 65 at mine)

6) Someone will say "It was like a celebration, really" ( This is often said when the mass is over and everyone feels a little relieved, and is looking forward to the sandwiches.)

7) The stories ( Often the most memorable part of an Irish funeral – and the most comforting for the family – are the stories. Old friends and relatives will tell tales of the person’s life, peppered with laughs and tears.)

8) The drink and the craic ( Sure what better way to send someone off than with a feed of pints?)

9) Local politicians or TDs might make an appearance  ( Hello Enda Kenny)

10) Sandwiches must be cut into triangles ( It’s a rule of Irish funerals that the sandwiches must be cut into triangles.
There might even be a bit more grub… some cocktail sausages, or even a whole meal.)

11) Somebody will say "We must meet up again at a happier time" ( yeah, You won't)

12) Sandwiches  ( For some reason all the auld wans will bring about 50+ tray of sandwiches. Not literally, but you know what I mean)

13) Awkward conversations that you don't want to be apart of but your mam made you ( which leads to your aunt saying "I remember when you were this height" and you're  hoping to get out of it somehow)

14) Grim reaper ( Not literally the grim reaper, just the Irish version of him. The banshee.  In which case you'll hear someone say "I knew it would happen. I heard the banshee and then the dog started barking like mad. Then I checked R.I.P and then they appeared on it.)

15) Consulting the radio for details if your mamssister didn't tell her already  ( WLR FM has been informed of the following deaths…” *grabs pen and listens intently for details*)

16) Having the world's longest cup of tea "up in the house" (and Before you know it, you’re holding a cup of cold milky tea. For some reason there's competition as to who makes the tea and who sits down.)

17) Commenting how much the person looked like themselves ( And commending the undertaker on doing “a lovely job”. Cause he did)

18) Trying to find their extended family and friends  (Is that Mary's fellow? Is Molly married yet, I wonder?  That’s Alan’s young one now, is it? God, she’s after growing into herself.” See also: your Mam pointing at people and informing you that they’re your second cousin. )

19) Sniggering when a small child does something vaguely inappropriate during the mass ( Children screaming “Mammy!” during a particularly inopportune moment is as much of a funeral tradition as the sandwiches.)

20) Muttering "Sorry for your troubles" so many times that it starts to lose meaning and sounds like "Sorryferyertroubles"( And it always, always, always has to be muttered in a way that suggests you’re a farmer from the Midlands who has never hugged his father. “Sorferyertroubles”. You probably haven't)

21)  spending time outside the church conducting a post-funeral analysis on the priests performance ( A good 15 minutes needs to be allotted for a good in-depth analysis on whether or not it was “a lovely mass”.)

22) Racing to the Afters to get sandwiches  ( Drive, drive, drive)

23) And giving out about the others who got there before you    ( “You wouldn’t be dead and buried, and she’d be off getting her lunch at your expense,” you say as you bite into a disappointing ham and tomato sandwich.)

24) Laying into the pints afterwards and feeling a bit guilty about it ( Should I really have pints at a funeral? Ah, I’m sure everyone will have pints when I die. *orders another Guinness*)

25) The rosary ( The Angel of the Lord declared onto Mary...)

26) Massive fights (She left me the farm, she left me the house)

27) The auld wans playing Cupid ( I know a girl who'd be perfect for yer son, John)

28) The music (I don't think music is supposed to be played afterwards, but you put it on anyway *Dancing queen, young and sweet*)

Here's a bonus story. This happened to my Grandad by law before he died, Lord rest his soul.

Basically, one of his school friends had cancer, right. He had a vision in his sleep, where his friend died and then it was in the newspaper rhe next day. The next day, wouldn't you know it, his dead friend appeared in the newspaper.

Question: Would you rather (a) be buried  (2) burned into ashes.

I personally would want to be burned because I have of fear that I'll be buried alive. I feel that even if your heart stops pumping, it'll start pumping when I'm in the coffin.

Depressing.