Being a Sahyounie [3]

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I feel like I've been in here for hours now. My hands look like prunes and my skin feels yucky, maybe it's time I get out of the bath.

I stood up and turned on the shower, washing myself off before shampooing and conditioning my hair. I've been wanting to try out the new stuff my mum bought me, it's in a big black container and doesn't look like most shampoos or conditioners.

Mum said its suppose to help my hair grow and make it really healthy, hopefully it works.

I dried off and wrapped my bathrobe around me and walked into my room, "about fucking time." Sarah said to me. She was reading one the books dad got me from away a few years back, 'Maze Runner'. It's become one of my favorites. "This is a really good book." She told me, her face is nose deep in it.

"I've been telling you that for like ever now. What part are you at?" I asked while putting my bra on, she wasn't looking and we're all girls so it's cool.

"The part where that girl has come to the maze and they're all freaking out because girls don't come into the maze. Like ever."

"Has she started getting into his mind yet?"

She set the book down on her chest, "you son of bitch." She said in a monotoned voice. I laughed and applied my body cream on before putting on gym pants and a t-shirt. "But yeah, she like tried talking to him. And he's all like 'whoa. What the actual fuck is happening, holy shit, a smoking hot bitch knows my name. The fuck.'"

"You're so dramatic." I laughed at her.

"And hungry." she pouted, she's been hungry a lot lately. "I really want subway."

"I can ask mom." I told her. She smiled and nodded her head. I walked upstairs quickly and there were my parents in the kitchen talking. My dad was leaned over the island counter and mum was sitting on one of the stools, her head in her hands as she shook her head.

I stayed back a little so I could hear, and so they wouldn't notice me. "She actually thought that?" mum choked out.

"Yeah, she thought you left again... I'm telling you Aali, you didn't only hurt me. But your baby too." Dad explained. "She was scared and really upset. So what's it going to be? Are you going to even tr-"

"I AM TRYING! goddamn it Daniel! I've been trying to get better since the day I lost my damn mind!" she sobbed, "I'm sorry okay? Too much has happened in the past and I thought I had it together, I thought I moved past it and let it go but the last few years I feel like it's been hitting me like a brick wall!" she cried. Daddy hugged her and whispered, "this is a start." into her hair.

"I love you so much." she said to him, I felt my eyes tearing up. They love each other so much and I don't know if i'd ever be able to find a man to love me like daddy loves mum.

"I love you baby, I love you." he said the last one in a whisper, almost to himself.

***

We didn't go to subway, I explained what happened to Sarah and she understood. I told her we could go later and she was okay with that, this is why she's my best friend. She gets me, she understands my feelings and knows when to back off and give me some space and knows when I don't wanna talk about it right yet.

That's what I do though, I'll shut down for the time being and then whenever I get my thought process together I'll come to whomever and want comfort. I've done this many times over the years, shut down, don't talk- even if it's for days on end- then regain myself and go to mum or dad for some sort of comfort.

Or really, whoever a there whenever my body wakes itself back up.

I don't really like shutting down, I become a zombie. People look at me funny because I don't look alive, I don't smile, I usually don't eat and I don't wear makeup. Just wake up, put my uniform on and go to school, put up with a bunch of bullshit, do work I don't even understand and then come home to do it all over again.