Fix Me // b.b {COMPLETE}

Chapter Three: Late Night Panics

I feel someone shake me awake and I wake up to see Matthew staring down at me.

"The show is over."he says and I lay up right, wiping my burning eyes. He grabs my hands and helps me stand to my feet. Sadness hits me again but I keep the tears within me. He helps me walk to the familiar double doors then the guards open the doors. My head begins to feel dizzy and I want to say something, but I can't.

We walk outside through a back door and there is an Uber van waiting for us. I stand against the car and he opens the door for me, then helps me inside of the car. Matthew shuts the door and I get myself comfortable in the seat, not bothering to buckle my seatbelt. I look out the window and see Mat talking to some people, including the guard that now has my number. The guard pulls out his phone and so does Matthew. After about two minutes, they put their phones away and Matthew walks on the opposite side of the car. I press my head against the window, he opens the door then slams it. I flinch to the loud sound, my head feels like its throbbing.

  "Sorry. " he says. He must have noticed.

  He tells the driver the address, but it wasn't my address. Too sleepy to care, I just lean my head against the cold window and close my eyes. Music lightly plays as I slowly fall into a sleep, not into a deep sleep, but sleep. 

  When I open my eyes, we are pulling into a gated area. The driver rolls down his window punches in the numbers. We continue driving and we come to a stop and the car's engine shuts off. I keep my eyes closed, but I felt a finger lightly tap my shoulder. I open my eyes and look around, my eyes adjusting to the tiny car light in the ceiling.

  "We're here." Matthew says and I nod, I open my door and step out. The chilly weather makes a shiver go up my spine, which is odd because it is in the middle of June. I walk around the car and see Matthew carrying a bag and his phone. He slides his phone into his back pocket and puts his arm around my waist and helps me walk to a big front door. The door is mostly made of glass, so I can see the inside of the home, and it is beautiful. He gets keys out of his pockets and unlocks the door, letting me inside of the beautiful home first. There is a glass table right next to the front door and Matthew throws the keys onto it. I take my shoes off, not risking my shoes possibly being muddy and ruining the enchanting white carpet that leads to the living room. I walk onto the soft carpet, looking around. There is a huge white couch, two white love-seats, a glass coffee table, a fireplace, and a huge flatscreen tv above the fireplace. There is two beer bottles sitting on the coffee table and I take a deep breath. Don't cry. 

  "I have a guest room if you would like to stay in there. " Matthew says and I look at him, he is scratching the back of his neck and looking down at the floor. He looks up at me, his green eyes looking into mine. 

  "Thank you. " I say and walk over to the couch and have a seat, the seat farther away from the beer bottles. Matthew sits on the opposite side of the couch and turns on the tv. He occasionally gives me a few glances as we watch a movie I have never even heard of before. 

  "So what happened at the concert?"Matthew asks, breaking silence. I look over at him and he is sitting with his legs crossed and facing me. 

  I sigh, rubbing my arm is discomfort. Matthew scoots closer to me and I just keep looking down at the white couch. 

  "Did someone touc-" 

  "No. " I say quickly, cutting him off completely. I bring my knees to my chest and just sit there, wanting him to talk to break the tension.

  "Are you sure you're okay? " he asks me, I look at him and nod. Those are the exact words that could have saved Ryan. Nobody asked him, not even me. We just assumed. Don't cry. 

  "Can I go to bed please? " I ask with a trembling voice. Matthew nods and stands up and holds out his hand, I hold it and his hands feel like ice. I stand up from the soft couch and we walk up the long stairs. He stops in front of a white door and looks at me. 

  "Here it is, bathroom is right down the hall to your right, and mine is the door right across from it. If you need anything, don't hesitate to just knock. " he says then opens the guest room door. 

  "Thank you." I say as he begins to walk away, down the hallway.

  "Anytime." he says then walks into his room, I open the room to the guest room and gasp.

  There is a huge king sized bed, the comforter in light blue with black feathers drawn onto it. On each side there is a white night-stand with lamps on each. I walk over and sit down, I smile as I begin to make myself comfortable. Then, it hits. Another bullet hits my chest, the sadness consumes me. Tears fall. Why did he have to leave? Leave me? Leave us? He never even said goodbye. I stand up and run to the bathroom as fast as I can. I lift up the toilet seat and vomit into it, I lean my back against the shower tub. I lay down on the floor, crying my eyes out, wishing my life would expire. Out of all the people in the world, why did it have to be him? Why? I close my eyes and cry, cry until my entire body feels completely numb. I open my eyes and see Matthew bursting into the door, getting down on both knees. He is saying things but all I hear is a ringing in both of my ears. I close my eyes and when I open them, Matthew brings me in his arms.

  "What's going on?" I finally hear him ask. I cry into his shirt.

  "I just want to know why!" I cry into his chest. I pull away from him and stare into his eyes.

  "How did you hear me crying? " I ask, he scoffs.

  "Crying? Raelyn, you were screaming for five minutes before I could get the door open." he tells me. I was screaming? There is no way I could have been screaming, I don't remember. 

  "I'm sorry. " I whisper, he sighs and embraces me into a warm and tender hug. I look on his shirt, my tears and makeup have ruined his white shirt. 

  He picks me up bridal style and takes me back into the guest bedroom. He makes sure I am okay before he finally leaves to go and get some sleep. I stare at the ceiling for what it seems like forever. Why am I even here? Why can't I just move on with my life already? Why can't I stop missing him?

  Why?