I open my eyes and look around. I am in the hospital. No, I don't need the hospital. I look at my wrists, they have bandages on both of them. Why am I alive? I am supposed to be dead. I hear the door open and see Matthew walk in. He smiles and sits down two waters.
"You're awake. " he says and sits in the chair next to me. I just stare at him.
"Are you hungry? Thirsty? " he says and I shake my head.
"Do you need anything?" he asks and I shake my head again.
He picks up one water and begins to drink it. I look down at my wrists. Who called him?
"Raelyn? " he says and I look up at him.
"I was thinking, you know.. maybe you coming back home? " he says and I sigh.
"I mean it would be just like old times, you and me. Staying in the pool, watching movies all night, going out together. It would be great, I miss you. " he says and I look at him with sad eyes, knowing I am about to break his heart.
"I can't. " I say and his face falls.
"What do you m-mean you can't?" he says and I feel tears build up in me. I am so sick of crying.
"I mean I can't Matthew. " I say and he scoots his chair closer.
"Why?" he asks and I scoff slightly.
"I don't want to go back, until you get your drinking together. I can't go back until you get your drinking together. " I say and he shakes his head.
"I will work on it baby, I need you. " he says and my heart breaks.
"Matthew, that night you scared me. You actually scared me. I never have seen you that way before, and if drinking makes you that way then no Matthew I am not going back with you. " I say and he looks down. I look at his tattoo he got for me.
"I didn't mean, anything I said or did that night. " he says and I nod.
"I know. " I say and he looks back up at me.
"I will work on it, it would help more if you came back home. " he says.
"I'm sorry Mat. " I say and he sighs, I can tell he is trying not to cry.
"Don't you miss it? Miss us? " he asks and I nod, smiling sadly.
"Everyday. " I say and he shakes his head.
"Then why won't you come back?" he asks.
"I don't want to see you drunk Mat, it kills me. Yes, you used to get drunk around the house over and over again and you were fine. But after the accident, it was like you were consuming more than you were before. Then you started getting violent. " I say and he looks up, almost shocked.
"I hit you? " he asks and I grab his hand.
"God no, you would just throw things. Sometimes in my direction to where it almost hit me. Matthew, I don't want to go back to that. " I say and I see a tear roll down his face. I wipe it for him.
"Please don't hate me. " I say and he chuckles.
"I don't think I could ever bring myself to hate you, not even a million fights could make me hate you. " he says and I squeeze his hand.
"I love you, Matthew Musto. " I say sadly and he smiles, but a fake smile.
"I love you, Raelyn Jenner. " he says then stands up. He kisses my forehead full of sadness then begins to walk away. He opens the door then looks back at me. He walks out and my heart breaks into two. One piece for Matthew and one piece for me to hold onto. I feel like that was the last time I will ever see him in the flesh. I begin to cry, wanting him to come back. I feel warm tears fall down my face as I cry over the love of my life, leaving. I never thought it would have to come to this. I never thought I would have to leave Matthew. I never thought I would have to miss him again. I never thought I would be alone. I never thought I would be depressed again. I want him back here, not as my soulmate, but as a presence in the room. I feel better whenever I see him, it's like a switch. I love that idiot to death. He is my entire life, and I just let him go. I want to just rip open these bandages and just let myself go, without him I am nothing. Why did I leave him? I am such an idiot. I should have stayed. I don't care what could have happened that night, he could have physically hurt me and I would still love him to my grave. I was so broken, so broken. Then, he fixed me, then broke me again. He broke me from ever loving another man. He broke me from ever being okay again. He broke me, and I know I will never be fixed. Maybe I will see him again, who knows. Maybe next time, things will be different. He could be sober and I could go back home with him, that's what I pray happens. If he can just get sober, I can go back. I really want him to get help. Not just for my satisfaction, but for his health most importantly. I love him with my whole heart and body, and I will never love other man the way I love him, I know it for a fact. I never got to meet his parents, he never mentioned them. I never got to see where he grew up, he never took us. I never got to see us grow old together, he ended that. I don't want to seem I am being a bitch and blaming him for everything, because that wouldn't be fair. Maybe I overreacted, like I always do. But I can't help it, it's the way I am. It feels as if a bullet hits my chest, I want him here with me. I need him here with me. I want to kiss him again. I want all of these things, but I can't have them back. I cry quietly but harder as I think more about him. Come back Matthew.
Fix Me.
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THE END, DONT HATE ME JUST YET BECAUSE THERE IS MORE!! COMING OUT ON JULY 10TH IS THE OFFICIAL SEQUAL TO MY BEST BOOK FIX ME!!! I AM SO EXCITED TO SHARE THIS NEXT BOOK WITH YOU AND I LOVE ALL OF YOU GUYS!! UNTIL NEXT TIME...
-alyssa
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Fix Me // b.b {COMPLETE}
FanfictionI don't want to be here, but I can't leave you. {Book 1 in Fix me series}
