"Hey. " Ivy says and I look up from the bed they let me stay in.
"Hey. " I say and I shut my laptop.
"How are you doing? " she asks and I smile lightly.
"Fine. " I lie and she nods.
"Just checking in. " she says and I sigh when she shuts the door. I'm not fucking fine, I'm far from fine. It has been a month since I have seen Matthew and it's killing me. I don't care if I am supposed to hate him, I miss him. I sigh and pick up my phone.
No missed calls.
I sit my phone back down and pull down on my sleeve. I want to scratch my arms, but they are already cut-filled. I have cut every single day since I left, the worst cut is in the middle of my arm. It is from the morning I left. I haven't recovered since. I still follow Matthew on every social media, and he posted on Twitter about our break up. Not a whole big thing, it just said 'we're done.' He took me and him out of every profile picture, that's how I knew we were really over. He hasn't deleted our pictures off Instagram though, he kept them. I find myself listening to his music more, I cry during every song. My favorite song by him is Paragraphs, I listen to it on repeat constantly. We haven't spoken since I left either, Kaiden went over to get anything else I left because he knew that I didn't want to go over there. I want to move on, so bad. I see him in pictures with other women, not just fans, but other women. Ivy calls it jealousy, and I won't deny it. I'm jealous of every girl that's ever hugged him, because for that short second; she held my entire world. I want to call him, but I know I shouldn't. Maybe I can make up something. Like, I left my purse over there or I left a pair of shoes. Anything to see him again, but what if he doesn't want to see me? What if he has moved on and found someone else? Has he forgotten about me? Ugh I feel so tired, I spend half of my day thinking about Mat and the other half stalking him on Twitter and Instagram. Move on Raelyn. Ryan would want me to. Ryan has been gone a year now, it's crazy how time flies. A year without Ryan and a month without Matthew, it's killing me. I'm drowning in my thoughts, it's consuming me again. The pain, the loneliness, the hurting, the wanting of death. I used to be so happy, what the hell happened to me? To the sweet little innocent girl who dreamed of being loved. She died, that's what happened. She died the second she met Matthew Tyler Musto. I go into my closet and take out Ryan's things. I haven't looked inside of this thing since he died, I couldn't. I open the little box and see little things I remember seeing around the house when Ryan was here. I see a little, crumbled up piece of paper. I open it and gasp when I see Ryan's handwriting. We never found the letter, he put it in here. Tears roll down my face as I unwrap the paper, I begin to read.
Dear person who I hope is Raelyn,
I'm sorry I left so suddenly, maybe nobody noticed. Nobody noticed me when I was alive so why would they notice now that I am gone? I hope it is Raelyn who is reading this, because she is the only person who really cared about me. So Rae, thank you for trying to save me, I have a feeling deep down that you will be the one to find me dead and I am so sorry I did this to you. Mom and dad won't care, they never did. They never stopped and asked me if I was okay or how my day was. They never did. Nobody did. Except you. I miss you already old woman, and I can't thank you enough for helping me through most of my life. Happy early birthday by the way, two more weeks and you will be twenty-four! I am so happy you have made it this far Rae, really. For once, you did something I couldn't, you lived. I will be waiting for you Rae, always. And like we always used to say because of that Disney movie, "to infinity and beyond." I love you Raelyn Mackenzie Jenner, you will always be my sister. You will always be, my best friend.
-Your Ryan
I can't control the tears streaming down my face, silent sobs leave my body as I stand up and sit the letter down on the bed. I can't do this. I miss him too much. I want to be with him. I want to be, just like Ryan.
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*Ivy's pov*
I knock on the bathroom door and still hear no response.
"Come on Rae, some people have to use the bathroom. " I say through the door. I sigh and look down, there is blood coming out from under the door.
"Raelyn! " I scream and begin pounding on the door.
"Kaiden! " I scream as he runs down the hallway.
"She's in there! " I scream and cry at the same time.
"Raelyn! " Kaiden yells and bangs into the door. He continues to do so until it breaks open. And there, laying in the cold floor, is my best friend Raelyn. She cut open her wrists. I scream my head off as Kaiden picks her up. I follow him out of the apartment and I call 911. They come about two minutes later, helping Raelyn into the back of the ambulance.
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*Matthews pov*
I look up and see Marissa running towards me with my cellphone.
"Call for you Mr.Musto." she says and hands the phone to me, I hit answer and before I can say hello, I hear someone crying on the other line.
"Who is this? " I ask and I raise up.
"Matthew, it's Raelyn! " I hear her yell.
"Raelyn? " I ask because it doesn't sound like her.
"No, it's Ivy! Matthew, Raeyln's in the hospital! " she yells and I stand up from the lawn chair on the back patio.
"What happened Ivy, you need to slow down." I say and she cries more.
"She tried to kill herself! " she cries. My heart drops and so does my phone as I run as fast as I can into my house. I throw on my shirt and run to the front door and put on my sandals and grab my keys. I run as fast as I can out of the house and into my car.
Why Raelyn?
YOU ARE READING
Fix Me // b.b {COMPLETE}
FanfictionI don't want to be here, but I can't leave you. {Book 1 in Fix me series}
