My Lonely Road - Joshler

Chapter 10

now i'm down to my skin and bones
and my baby listens to me on the phone
but i can't help feeling like i'm all alone
all alone - Song up there ⬆

>>>

sunday morning.

Tyler's phone rings.

it's Josh. he picks it up.

"hey Tyler!" Josh's voice was tired but excited as he greeted Tyler, who hadn't even gotten out of bed.

"hey," Tyler said, his voice dry and sleepy.

"i was wondering if you wanted to hang out?"

"we might as well hang out everyday," Tyler joked, trying not to sound as shitty as he felt.

"hey, i would have no problem with that," Josh laughed, screaming inside at Tyler's morning voice. "so you wanna go to the park? just the two of us?"

"ooooh, is this a date? you could've texted me."

"you can call it whatever you want. and i just wanted to hear your voice, i guess. i'm glad i called, too." Tyler could practically hear the smirk in his voice. "so are you coming? i don't wanna be that dork that goes to the park alone when he actually has a boyfriend."

"there's someone like that?"

"no! exactly! i'd be the first one!"

"okay fine, i'll go. but you're a dork."

"yeah, you mentioned that. and Ty?"

"...yeah?"

"are you alright? you sound sad. or depressed. is everything okay?"

"i'm fine, Josh."

"you know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

"i'm fine, really." Tyler dodged his actual question. he was sure as hell not fine, and he definitely wasn't going to talk about the fact that he almost wanted to kill himself that past night.

"okay..." now Tyler could hear the frown in his voice. he hated to upset Josh, but he couldn't help it. he really was a pathetic little bitch. (Tyler, not Josh.)

"well, i'll see you soon, i guess. bye Tyler." Josh hung up the phone.

and Tyler cried.

>>>

Josh skateboarded furiously to the park, adrenaline and anger pumping through his veins.

he knew that Tyler wasn't okay. it made him sad that Tyler was struggling. it made him feel helpless to know that Tyler was in such a dark place but wouldn't let Josh help him. and it made him furious that Tyler had to go through this, whatever he was feeling.

Tyler was beautiful. Tyler was amazing. Tyler was everything to Josh. Josh didn't know what he would do if somebody did something to Tyler.

or if Tyler did something to himself.

Josh stopped when he got to the park, almost running into the curb. he picked up his skateboard and then walked over and sat on a bench.

he kicked at a weed growing through a crack in the pavement, his mind swirling with images of Tyler completely giving up and ending it all, or losing it and not even wanting to talk to Josh. Tyler screaming at Josh to leave him alone, or Tyler crying in a corner, his shaking shoulders proving that it was colder in his head than anywhere else.

Josh sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, looking up at the puffy white clouds.

how could he help his boyfriend that didn't want to be helped?