My Lonely Road - Joshler

Chapter 20

It's friendly fire and sunlight
The aftermath of one too many words I said
When I should've said nothing at all - Song up there ⬆ (suggested by BlackBoard15) (And yes I do give you credit ^_^)

(Tyler's p.o.v.)

going back to school the following week kind of sucked ass.

courtesy of Alyssa, the whole school had heard and Josh and i. that's not what bothered me. what bothered me was walking down the hallway with my boyfriend and hearing the insults being spat at us, like "fag" and "fucking homos" and y'know, dumb stuff like that.

according to her, Joshua Dun had attended her party and led her on to believe that he was single, and in fact, heterosexual. it was the shock of her life to find out that he was not only gay, but in a relationship with that "skinny crybaby Tyler Joseph".

at that, i just kind of scoffed. like, she saw me cry one time. i don't fucking care anyway.

as we walked to our first classes that monday morning, we could feel the dirty looks being thrown at us and hear the whispers of the other high schoolers.

Josh looked so uncomfortable, i felt really sorry for him. after all, this was what he was afraid of. still, he put on a brave face and visibly held my hand as we walked down the hall, through the endless mob of kids that seemed to just part like the red sea as we approached them. i smiled despite our awkward situation and squeezed his hand in what i hoped was comforting.

the rest of the day was just as crappy. at lunch, sitting with the other guys was basically depressing. they were all semi-salty with Josh, which just made him feel even more shitty.

Carl and Ian were silent, Chris looked sad, Adam looked pretty pissed, Alex and Devin kind of ignored him, and i did the best i could to comfort him. i tried to explain to them that i was over it, but they wouldn't have it.

"if he hadn't cheated on you in the first place, you wouldn't have anything to get over anyway," Adam had pointed out rather harshly, and that shut me up.

i was surprised that none of them had to go through this, seeing that they were a group of three openly gay couples in the midst of fairly judgemental teenagers, but then again, none of them had kissed a girl.

i shudder whenever i think about it. so i try not to think about it.

needless to say, Josh was close to crying by the end of the school day, and i hugged him and said i would come to his house with him so he wouldn't have to be alone. i didn't want to leave him to his own thoughts, not at a time like this.

>>>

"i'm so sorry," Josh said as soon as we got into his bedroom, flinging down his backpack and sitting on the edge of his bed. "i'm so sorry, i-i made all this happen, i fucked everything up, i-"

shushing him, i sat down next to him and put my arms around his middle. "it's okay," i told him. "i already forgave you. the others will too. just give them some time."

Josh squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. "okay. i love you," he said for what seemed like the thousandth time since the past weekend. i never tired of hearing it, however. not at all.

i smiled at him. "i love you too."

Josh relaxed a little, but sat there quietly, wringing his hands anxiously. "i-i feel like i just lost all my friends and no one will ever want to talk to me again," he said sadly.

i sympathized with him. even though Josh usually did things alone, he was always so grateful that he had those friends of his that always had his back, even if he didn't always hang out with them. he was just happy that they were there, and they were happy to be there.

"well, i'm not going anywhere," i told him. "because i'm your boyfriend and i'm in love with you and i could never hate you. just remember that."

Josh leaned his head on my shoulder and i held him, playing with his beautifully red hair.

"let's forget about it, okay?" i whispered. "i can't let you keep suffering like this. i want to see you smile again."

he didn't respond.

"Josh?" i pulled away from him and stared into his eyes.

he sniffed, a tear rolling down his cheek. "i can't forget it, Ty," he told me. "i hate myself so much. i don't want to break your heart again. i hate the thought of hurting you, but i did and -" he choked on his words and i didn't know what else to do.

"Josh." i kissed his cheek and held him tighter. "you just made a mistake. some mistakes cause bigger reactions than others, but they're just mistakes all the same. okay?"

he nodded, wiping his eyes. i gave him hopefully reassuring half smile and grabbed my backpack. "do you wanna do homework or something, or-"

Josh shook his head violently. "fuck homework," he said.

i laughed, dropping my backpack on the carpet again. "okay, so then what?"

Josh looked at me with a puppy-dog expression. "...can we cuddle? please?"

i nodded. "that sounds way better than homework."

obviously agreeing, Josh pulled me to the front of his bed and pulled his covers around us, wrapping us up warmly.

we cuddled for a while, playing with each other's fingers under the covers. we made quiet and senseless conversation until Josh started to yawn, and i sang him to sleep.