My Lonely Road - Joshler

Chapter 19

(Josh's p.o.v.)

i sat on the cold bench at the park, shivering in the night air. i kept rubbing my hands together, hoping to warm them up and not die of frostbite.

i couldn't believe what a mess i had made. Tyler had read my texts, it says he had, but he hadn't shown up. he better not have done anything dumb because of me. he doesn't deserve this. he deserves someone way better than me, someone who can keep their promises, someone stronger than me. somebody that can be there when he needs them and stick up for him and make him happy.

i thought i was that person.

i was that person.

but i had broken my promises. i know had sworn to be there for Tyler, because i love him and he is the light of my life. i had sworn to protect him at all costs, from anyone or anything that would want to hurt him.

i never thought that i would hurt him.

i placed my head in my calloused hands and held back a sob. trying to do everything but cry, i sat back up and observed my surroundings.

my eyes roamed to the sidewalk with the trees that i had held Tyler's hand under were. where all was right, and we were happy, most importantly, Tyler was happy. i thought of the smile on his face, that beautiful smile on his beautiful face...

would he ever smile at me again?

i looked over towards the swingset where i had nervously asked him to be my boyfriend, terrified of rejection. i remembered the feeling of relief that had enveloped me when he said yes, and we kissed, his lips were so soft, so perfect. i've never met anyone like Tyler. i've never met anyone that makes me feel like Tyler does.

i always knew something was missing before i met him. there had been a gaping hole in my heart, waiting to be filled with something. someone. i tried filling it with different things, discovering my passion for certain things along the way, but it never really was fulfilled. at least, not until i looked up that one day in math class and saw him staring at me, his brown eyes penetrating right into my heart.

as soon as i met his stare, i knew that Tyler Joseph was the one who i had been missing in my life.

i waved at him a little and watched as his adorable cheeks turned bright red, and he broke eye contact.

but i knew. i knew that i had to know this boy, this boy that was right next to me for months, but had never spoken a single word to me or really anyone else at school for that matter.

of course, at the lake i had seen him as well, but i had never really seen him. i hadn't even known his name, not that he had ever told anyone. i had never looked into his heart-shattering eyes and really seen how lonely he was.

he didn't act lonely. he acted like he was fine, never really showing much emotion or energy in class. but i could tell. i knew he was a lonely person.

and in a way, so was i.

sure, i was there, surrounded by friends (that i really am grateful for) and a girl that's crazy about me, but the hole in my heart hadn't been filled.

Tyler had filled it for me, something that i couldn't ever do myself. and all i did was cheat on him.

i

cheated

on

him.

and for that, i will hate myself forever.

>>>

i woke up to find myself in an extremely uncomfortable position.

i blinked my eyes, taking in the fact that it was morning, the birds were chirping, the sun was shining, but i still felt like i belonged in the garbage truck that was currently passing by.