Dear Writer, - The Fooo Conspiracy (Felix Sandman)

26: Step Back

-Linnea-

My eyes are the first to open at the early time of 5:00. I sit up in my bed hearing the faint snores of the five boys surrounding me.

I leave my bedside and tread into the washroom, ugh, hair. I can feel the straw like strands between my fingers so I vigerously pull a brush through it and wipe the falling eyeliner off from under my lids so I at least look the bit presentable.

My smile is weak in the mirror, come on Linnea, you can do better. I hear my reflection speak to me. I pull my hair over my shoulder and flash a real smile at myself where I can at least look happy.

I exit the room trying to maintain my smile into the hall making sure I leave my shoe in the door so I can reenter within the hour.

The hall is oddly lit, but as I walk censors bring the lights to life down the long hall accept for the very end where it remain dark.

I remember upon entering the hotel a balcony facing the east, how pretty would it be to be able to watch the sun rise.

With caution I make my way to the end of the hallway, I pass about eight doors until I reach the dark end of the hall with a single heavy door much thicker than the others and push.

Just in time! I think to myself. The balcony opens up as a large terrace, withering plants line the walls on metal shelves and the view of Gothenburg opening it's eyes. The glow of the sun creeps over the edge of the horizon changing the sky a colossal of bright colours.

"This is perfect." I set my phone down and scroll through my songs until I find one to dance to.

Afterglow, by Nathalie Nedeljkovic. A bit slow, but calming.

I gracefully lift my arms swaying them in patterns, reaching down and back up, moving my legs and spinning, jumping, falling, catching myself. I feel like a bird, a strong soaring bird, flying towards the sunrise early in the morning, no worries, just freedom. Flyer.

Nothing holds me to Stockholm, I am sixteen, I can go anywhere. Maybe I'll run.

I think of all the possibilities of places I could end up, France! I could own a small cafe and meet new people like Mrs.Malson. England, maybe work for a fashion agency. USA, I could live on the beach, maybe pick up a small acting role. Maybe even stay here in Gothenburg, beautiful city. I could find a new garage to dance in.

I can't think long without thinking about Felix, my only love is driven by my only hate; being forgotten.

I ignore my thoughts and dance harder to focus on my body and stretching every muscle and joint.

I stop suddenly, just to feel my heart beat in my heat. One second it matches the beat of the song and the next it's off. My eyes close and when I stand still enough I can feel my lids warm from the sun, even see my lids turn a brighter orange as the sun peaks over the horizon. Once in a while I would see a ripple of shadow from the steam of my could breath rise in front if my eyes.

I have to leave, I have to find something greater than this.

My music starts again and I follow into my trance like state. The sun has now fully risen to its full potential and I feel more alive than ever.

I hear a door open behind me and OG walks in.

"You're up early." He walks beside me an looks at the sun.

"Yea, I needed a breather. There's no garage here I can just freely leave to ya know."

He nods, "You know, we come to Gothenburg a lot because Omar lives here."

"It's a beautiful city." I say.

"There is a dance studio around the corner. If you want we can head over there I can teach you a thing or two."

"You think you can?" I say with a little attitude.

"Judging by what I just saw, I can teach you a thing or two." He tries to suppress a laugh.

"I was trying something new." I say. "I can dance."

"Prove it to me, at the studio."

*.*.*.*

We walk into the studio and OG already has a card to let him in with no questioning.

"I'll show you what I got." OG says, he plays some rap music and begins freestyling. His moves are amazing I have to admit, he moves like he is moving energy around his body and shifting invisible objects around.

"Do you think you can do that?"

I look into the mirror and see my still reflection, my body suddenly feels stiff as soon as I get a sense I am being judged.

"Can you do it with me?"

OG smiles and stands beside me, he begins counting slowly so we can both do some moves together. I lift

My leg, ark my back and shift energy from my foot and out to my hand copying OG and his moves.

"Make sure you keep your body loose okay? I'm not judging you I'm just trying to have some fun." He smiles.

The fact that he says this is really assuring to me, and I do loosen up which makes it much easier to dance.

We spend about an hour in the studio and we almost perfect a full number together.

"I think we should head back, the boys will be waking up now." He says to me, I sit in the studio floor looking out the window onto the street.

I don't know how I feel about that, I have to face Felix now.

"Sure." I smile, he places his hand behind my shoulders guiding me out of the studio and back to the street.

"Do you know what happened with Felix yesterday?"

He sighs, and refuses to look at me as we speak.

"It's difficult to explain I don't even think I understand it to be honest."

We head back up to the hotel room and everyone is fully awake prepping themselves for the concert.

"Flyer, can we talk?" Felix shoots up.

I nod and lead him out to the terrace to sit.

"I am sorry about yesterday, I really like you but I have to maintain a certain reputation for my Foooers. That is being single so they feel closer to me."

"You really don't get it do you?."

"What?"

"You shouldn't have to pick one or the other, I am here, you chose me, and if you do hide me from your foooers than you are lying to all of them. And cheating me." I tell him.

"I never chose you Flyer, I have never asked you to be with me. You clearly don't trust me you won't even tell me your name."

"Is that what this is about? Because if this is how you act I don't trust you. I don't even know you."

"But everything I have done for you-"

"I appreciate the things you do, you won't even understand how thankful I am for you taking me with you when I have nothing. But since I have nothing I can't be treated like something to put on a shelf and only take out when no one is looking. All the things you do for me are acts of a friend helping of a friend."

"That's all it is to you? An act of a friend?"

"No, that's what you think." I turn back into the building.

"You never chose me, you never asked me to be with you." I quote his words and leave back for the room.