Months passed before I could even bat an eye. Not once did I notice the passage of time. Strange, really.
"Heidi, are you alright? You've seemed... out of it lately." Newt says in the distance. I must have imagined it, because I don't look away from a part of the case that seems to be luring me in.
"Heidi!" I snap out of my trance, blinking with confusion, "You okay?" Newt asks, looking up from the Mooncalves he's feeding.
"I'm fine, yeah..." I trail off, my eyes sneaking back to the corner of the case, "What's over there, again?"
"Aquatic creatures. The Kelpie, most notably," Newts states calmly, "Heidi--"
"Anything else?" I ask quickly, desperately trying to take my eyes off of what I know can't be just grindylows and a kelpie.
"No, nothing..." Newt is obviously suspicious now. My heart starts to hammer in my chest, "Why are you asking?" Newt persists.
"Just, um, curious, is all..." I am surprised at how dreamy and faraway my voice sounds. I'm still unable to tear my eyes away from supposed nothingness. Panic's icy fingers pull the blood from my throat.
"Please tell me what it is." Newt asks quietly. I whirl around, almost feeling physical pain as I take my eyes off the unknown. My body goes rigid, and my mother's loathing voice blares in my head. No one can know, no one can know, NO ONE can know! Put down that GODDAMN children's book and start learning something useful. NO ONE CAN KNOW. Mother didn't take well to my obsession with Magizoology.
"I've already told you--It's nothing!" I shout, suppressing the slight twinge of anger rising inside me, refusing to make eye contact. Not again, not again, not again.
"I hit a nerve. There's something you aren't telling me--something that changed you forever." Newt says relentlessly, intensity darkening his eyes and sharpening his features.
"Stop it!" I scream, but it sounds strained as I focus all of my willpower on keeping the waves of anger inside. I back away from Newt, holding my hands up in front of my face. He backs away a little. I turn away from Newt, not with my back to him, but with my body perpendicular to his. I count the tan scratches on my worn, brown boots. 4 on the right. 5 on the left.
How dare he, how dare he ask me about something he knows is so private.
You know what you can do, Heidi. What's keeping you from doing it? You know what's inside you.
If he found out...
"Heidi, something's wrong. I can tell. You aren't normal." Newt says, his voice gentle. He moves to comfort me, to bring my head down from the clouds, but before I can think, I put my hand up to stop him. Quietly, he mutters, "I mean no offense." I turn to face him, unable to ignore the incessant urge for eye contact.
Everything slows down.
Newt's eyes are a strange color.
I watch as Newt stumbles a few steps backwards. I watch, completely out of touch with my body, as Newt is knocked off his feet and slides a few feet on the ground.
Time jumps forwards like a timer at the end of an exam. My heartbeat quickens, but this is more than just an exam. This is a life or death situation. My life is in Newt's hands, who is probably not happy with me at the moment. If he's still alive. What if I've killed him, just like my father. I should never have gone to Hogwarts, they should never have let me learn more magic.
"You're telekinetic." Newt says the words like an accusation, which I know is only because my ears are choosing to believe the books in the restricted section in the library. That tell all about telekinesis, or TK for short, is just another form of dark magic. No, not even dark magic. Black magic. Blacker than a thestral, blacker than the cell in Azkaban I'm about to be thrown into. Black, black, black.
Suddenly, my legs spring into action and I'm running away.
I sprint into the little shack, scramble up the ladder, and out of the room with the case. I tear down the hallway, objects toppling over behind me in my whirlwind of panic. I reach the front door panting. I reach for the doorknob.
"Heidi, please! Wait, I'm sorry!" Newt shouts, turning a corner. I freeze. He's sorry. He's sorry.
"You're sorry? " My voice breaks, "I'm sorry." All at once, words spill from my mouth like someone's turned on a faucet, "I can control it, it won't ever happen again, I promise. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please don't turn me in, please don't, I'm sorry!" My mouth won't stop moving, even though the logical side of my brain is lecturing me. If he wanted to expose you, he could've done so already. If he didn't care, he wouldn't have stopped you from leaving. He's a good person who wants you around. He won't judge you for what he thinks you can't control.
Meanwhile, the survival, fight-or-flight part of my brain is utterly terrified. HE'S GOING TO KILL YOU GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT.
No, no, no. Logical Heidi comes back. Newt would understand. He's worked with creatures as his entire career. If he loves creatures so much, surely he can look past your own abnormalities. That must be why he picked up on some of your emotions--part of your brain is a deeper magic, an older magic, a magic closer to that of a beast in Newt's case.
The panic-stricken part of my brain continues to sink into despair like it's being followed by a Pogrebin.You never said goodbye to Frank.
"Heidi, before you start talking again, I need you to understand something: I'm not going to hurt you for who you are. You never learned to control it, and I have reason to believe you didn't know that you even had TK until recently." He's talking about it like it's a personality trait, not a serious affliction. My eyes flick to the doorknob. In a brief moment of clairvoyance, I know that I wouldn't survive a day out there. Something or someone would come for me. I don't know what, but I know that I wouldn't get very far. I look at Newt, and he smiles at me, seeming to be relieved.
"I won't leave." The promise weighs heavily on me like a million tonne weight. But as Newt sighs in relief and grins, the weight flies away on enormous wings.
"Thank Merlin," Newt says, walking into the small kitchen and taking out two mugs, "Tea?"
After we make two mugs of steaming hot tea, Newt makes a lot of promises--about how he doesn't mind, how he won't tell the Ministry, how he won't tell anyone, period. About how he won't let anyone kill me or hurt me because of it. The promises lift the weights off of my shoulders, but they settle onto Newt's like roosting vultures. He tells the little that he does know, which is more than the average wizard, and I fill in the gaps.
"It doesn't really surprise me that you're telekinetic, though."
"Why?" I ask, raising the mug to my lips and sipping the last drops of tea.
"I thought you would know this." Newt says, the look on his face confused, and almost horrified. But it leaves as soon as it comes.
"Know what?" I demand, eyes widening and muscles tensing as I begin to set the tea down.
"That Rowena Ravenclaw was telekinetic."
Before I can take my eyes off of it, the mug explodes.
YOU ARE READING
Of Blessings and Curses
FanfictionHeidi Ravenclaw - yes, like Rowena Ravenclaw, the famous telekinetic witch and Hogwarts founder - has been obsessed with magical creatures ever since her birth. All she has ever wanted to do was be a magizoologist, despite her excellent grades. One...
