Abasement With Heavy Hearts

Chapter 2

TRIGGER WARNING: Mention of suicide, anxiety

Short chapter, most of them will be.

Evan fiddled with his thumbs all the way to Dr. Sherman's, his mom barely batting an eye. It was a normal tick for him, even with the cast on his arm. "M-mom?" Evan began, terrified to continue.

"Yeah?" Heidi Hansen asked, all sorts of possibilities running through her brain. Guess Evan's anxiety was genetic, Heidi's mind couldn't stop racing with what he could say.

"If I got... even more... screwed up... would you send me away?" Evan muttered, feeling tears well in his eyes. After his confrontation with a new person, Connor, he was left in a bad state.

"What do you mean by even more screwed up? You're not screwed up already, but, what do you mean?" Heidi asked, taking caution.

"If I wanted to die... would you send me away?" Evan mumbled, the car nearly jerking to a stop with his mother's shock. She turned into a store parking lot, parking the car away from all the others, away from the store.

"Evan." She whispered, looking over at her son with tears in her eyes. "Do you want to die?"

"Some-sometimes. The tree... Mom if you get a call from school, don't worry okay?" Evan insisted, wanting nothing more than to save his mother from that pain. He knew she cared, but for some reason he selfishly didn't think it was enough.

"You jumped out of a tree? Evan!" Heidi yelled, tears now beginning to pool in her eyes, running down her face. She tried to control herself, but there was no use.

"I wanted to die mom! But now, I'm not so sure. I kind of, told someone today, a sort of, friend I guess you could say. But I left and he doesn't know that I don't really want it that much anymore and I want to just go. I don't know if he's telling the school so you may get a call, but mom, please don't worry. Let's just go to Dr. Sherman, please. I don't want this to happen, I don't want this." Evan rambled, closing his eyes before the tears poured. The letter was crumbled up in his pocket, weighing down on him. "I don't want you to send me away."

"Give me a minute to breathe." Heidi snapped, taking a few minutes to breathe. Evan took a few minutes as well, regretting every move he just made, kicking himself while he was already down.

"Mom-"

"Okay, here's what's going to happen. We are going to talk to Dr. Sherman, you are going to tell him what you just told me, and then I will talk to him briefly after your appointment to ask what I should do."

"No! Please, you can-can't just send me away. Please, mom..." Evan's voice cracked, losing it's sound.

"You're thinking too far ahead. I know you can't help it, but you are." Heidi informed, turning the car ignition. She began to drive again to the office, Evan doing his best not to hyperventilate. His broken arm itched as he sweat, self-hatred pushing through his brain.

They pulled into the therapy building's parking lot. Evan didn't want to get out of the car, he was too scared. His chest felt heavy, breathing wasn't easy.

The next few months were uncertain, something Evan was never fond of.