Abasement With Heavy Hearts

Chapter 5

TRIGGER WARNING: Hospital Stuff, swearing, suicide attempt mentions

All thoughts in italics are Evan's thoughts, unless implied to be Connors.

Sorta kinda Connor's POV (not first person)

Connor Murphy woke first, pain throbbing through his head. He didn't mind the pain that much, it wasn't too bad. Grogginess was all he could feel, confusion a close second. His neck and back didn't hurt, but his chest sure did. His ears rang, pain unable to register in them.

Cautiously, just in case of nerve damage, Connor turned his neck to face the passenger side. Evan remained unconscious, his face facing him. Blood oozed from a cut on his head, bruises already forming on the visible side of his face.

"Hansen..." Connor croaked, going to move his hand, but realized he couldn't. His fingers were still clasped in Evan's, the distant sound of a siren breaking the ringing. "Evan!"

He stirred just slightly, but didn't open his soft eyes. A soft groan escaped his lips, yet no other signs of consciousness ensued. Connor could feel himself being pulled away, time lapsing by either slowly, or quickly. He couldn't tell anymore.

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Sorta Kinda Evan's POV (not first person)

A machine beeped, a hand wrapped around his. Consciousness returned slowly, his senses coming back slowly at a time, one by one. The machine continued to beep, pain slowly returning.

Evan cracked open one of his eyes, his vision blurred. People hustled around the room, moving from bed to bed. A curtain was drawn, a familiar face sitting in a chair across the room. Carefully, he twisted his head to face his previously uninjured hand, curious who was holding it.

Maybe Connor? Wait, wasn't he in... what happened again?

He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing real escaped. "Hmph." He grunted, his eyes rolling into the back of his head. A tube was down his throat, stealing all the air he needed. Evan began to choke, tears forming in his eyes. His body tried to convulse, but found itself to exhausted.

"Evan?" A woman's voice asked, a hand gently brushing his cheek. It took his eyes a few moments to fix, but soon a clear image of his mother appeared in his vision. A nurse pulled her out of the way, telling him to breathe out as they pulled the tube from his esophagus. Once removed, all he wanted to do was apologize.

"M-mom? I-I-I'm so sor-" Evan began to stutter, emotion soon overwhelming his body. Tears stung on the cuts littering his face, the water falling unable to stop.

"Shhh sweetie, shhh. It's okay, just relax. You've been out for three days. Your throat is dry from the tube." Heidi Hansen cooed, gently wiping the tears from his face with her thumb. Evan closed his eyes, welcoming the comforting touch of someone he completely trusted.

"What-what happened?" He asked, noticing the bandages around his body. His head felt heavy with bandages, Evan's body wasn't even draped in a hospital gown. His chest was heavily bandaged, clips holding the cloth in place. Already casted, his arm remained the same, Connor's name scribbled in big letters.

"You were in a car crash with a boy from school. You two drove off the rode on accident, you hit a large boulder. I just, want to let you know, I'm not mad. I know you weren't at school, but we can talk about that later. I'm just not mad, sweetie. You're going to be okay and that's all that matters." Heidi rambled, smiling to herself. Evan's eyes had lit up when he learned Connor was okay, causing her to smile even more.

"He's okay?" Evan croaked, his throat dry from the tube that was there for three days.

"Yes, he is, just some bruises and a concussion. I can let him explain, if you're up to it. Or, you can rest. He's just in the chair, waiting." Heidi explained, just glad someone cared for her son enough to stay. Regardless if he caused the accident or not.

"Can-can I?" Evan stuttered, staring off at a pitcher of water. Heidi got the hint, pouring him a glass of water with a straw poking out the top of the cup. She waved to the figure, Connor, in the corner. He stood up, making his way clearly into Evan's vision. It hadn't completely returned yet, he could only see so far.

"I'm going to go call my bosses, I'll be a while. Take your time." Heidi smiled, gently setting a hand on Connor's shoulder before she left.

Both teenage boys sat in silence, unsure where to begin. "So... your mom is nice." Connor stated, a small smile cracking on his lips.

"She worries." Evan simply replied, guessing everything that was running through his mind.

He looks good, despite the few bruises most likely from the crash. His eyes, I could just stare into them forev-

What. The. Actual. Hell. I've known this guy for two days. Well, technically five ish I guess. But, I have a crush on his sister? I can't have feelings for him too?

"Hansen. Hansen, you're doing it again." Connor said, his eyes widening. Evan blinked, shaking his head.

"Sh-shoot I'm so-so sorry." He apologized, instinctively reaching over to pull on his thumb with his mostly uninjured hand. Connor's eye's widened in horror, his hands moving over Evan's again.

"This is how we got into this mess. Shit, just cut it out, Hansen." Connor protested, wincing as his voice raised just slightly. He wasn't supposed to be loud in an ICU and he especially wasn't supposed to be loud with bruised chest plates.

"I'm s-sorry, Connor. I'll try harder to stop that. I-I have a q-question though. Why are you holding my hands?"

"Oh shit, didn't realize I was still doing that. I noticed you would pull on your thumb and wince, guess I don't want you doing that." Connor whispered, scared to continue.

Wait wait wait, hold up, does he really care? Again, why?

"W-why do you care?" Evan slightly stuttered, resisting the urge to pull at his thumbs again. A part of him wanted to, just so Connor would hold his hands again.

Evan, you are not gay! Just shut up!

"Mind your own fucking business!-" He began, hyperventilating as his chest began to hurt. "Evan, I'm sorry. It's just instinct I guess. I should get going before more things happen."

More things. More things??

"Oh, uh, yeah. O-only if you want to. I-I'm sure my mom won't mind. Y-you're m-my only sorta friend person. Friend." Evan mumbled, a painful yawn supporting his initial statement.

"Friends? We're... friends?" Connor asked, surprised by the sudden phrase. It was something no one had ever considered him to be, something he never had himself.

"I guess. I-I mean, you're nice to me. I would consider that a f-friend. And, I mean, um, you stayed by my hospital bed e-even though we barely know each other. So, um, in short, uh, friends?"

"Friends. I guess."

Breathe Evan, breathe. Somehow Connor wants to be your friend. So just relax, you have a friend.

A friend that you could easily lose because you're one of the most unpleasant people on the planet. You will screw this up like you screw up everything, in a couple of days you will no longer have anyone to call your friend. You never do.

This is not relaxing. You have a friend. Connor Murphey wants to be your friend. Guess you no longer must pretend to have them with the name on your cast.

You have a friend.