Abasement With Heavy Hearts

Chapter 8

TRIGGER WARNING: internalized homophobia, swearing, underage drinking, suicidal thoughts, yelling

All thoughts in italics are Evan's thoughts, unless implied to be Connors.

I'm not sure how good this is, but I like the ideas. Let me know what you think! Jared's a little OOC and I changed the texting format too.

BREAKBREAKBREAK

Evan and Connor got through the day without talking about the whole 'Connor was drunk and called him cute' fiasco. School went by in a boring blur, neither boy wanting to publicly acknowledge what had happened. They ate lunch together, ignoring all the stares and remarks from others. The day was uneventful, except when Connor invited him to dinner.

"C-Connor, this really isn't a g-good idea." Evan whispered, nervously taking the passenger seat of Connor's car. He couldn't help but flashback to the crash, his breath taking itself away.

"The dinner or the car?"

"The dinner. I-I don't too well with people."

"Want to explain?" Connor asked, starting the car. Evan resisted the urge to pull painfully at his thumb, trying to stop the thoughts running through his head.

He's concerned for you. He actually cares.

Why would he care for a depressed nobody?

"A-anxiety." He whispered, watching the trees go by as they drove. Maple, Pine, Apple trees... Evan couldn't help but count.

"My mom's a bit persistent. Zoe's a bitch and told her about me making a friend, like I couldn't do that at all." Connor complained, his temper rising as he talked about his family.

"But you couldn't. I'm your o-only friend." Evan smirked, receiving a painful punch to the shoulder, pushing on the fading bruises of his chest.

"Shit, Hansen! You made a semi rude remark! I'm proud of my child." Connor laughed, the smile on his face making Evan's heart flutter.

"I'm your child now? I-I thought I was cute and adorable." He blushed, a smile creeping onto his lips.

"You're that too. Do you want to talk about that?" Connor inquired, the breaks screeching as he turned the car. They had passed the neighborhoods, both their houses left behind them. There were a few hours left before dinner.

"Y-Yeah. Are you, you know, um, g-gay? I mean, I don't care if you are, it doesn't matter to me. I don't really care who you're into as long as you're not a j-jerk. You can be gay and into guys, that's okay. I'm obviously into girls, but I'm kinda into guys too in that way so it would be hypocritical for me to say I'm not okay with someone being gay. Really I think the lifestyle-"

"Evan. Stop. Yes, I'm gay. I think. Truly, I like guys more, but if I fall for a girl I fall for a girl. Whatever. No girl would fall for me. No guy would either." Connor spoke, his voice slowing the down the further he got. Sadness crept upon his face, his hair moving in front of his eyes.

"I-I would."

What are you saying. What are you saying?! What the hell is wrong with you Evan?! Get out of this car right now, get out of the car and step in front of another one right now!

"Evan. Evan! EVAN!" Connor's voice broke into his head, the car pulling over onto a dirt road. He pulled over to the side of the road, leaving his car door open as he ran to Evan's side.

"I'm- I'm so-so-sorry." Evan sobbed, curling in on himself. Connor took the seatbelt off, gently pulling Evan out of the car. The tight space of the car could only make things worse.