Abasement With Heavy Hearts

Chapter 12

TRIGGER WARNING: internalized homophobia, swearing, mention self harm, self hate, suicidal thoughts with details.

All thoughts in italics are Evan's thoughts, unless implied to be Connors.

I promise I love Jared! He won't be a jerk for too much longer!

BREAKBREAKBREAK

Heidi Hansen came home from her errands, closing the front door as quietly as possible. Evan hadn't really had a friend over before, besides Jared, but she couldn't help but feel as though she needed to tiptoe.

The door to the living room was open, the back of Connor's head and part of the back of Evan's hair faced her. Her son was resting his head on Connor's shoulder, their arms presumably entangled together. For the first time in a long time, even though it was only part of the back of his head, Evan seemed truly at peace.

"Um, hey boys." Heidi interrupted, a small part of her heart sinking as she broke them up.

"Oh, uh, mom hi. We weren't, nothing was, I didn't mean-"

"What Evan means to say is we aren't dating, just friends. Hi, I'm Connor." Connor saved, reaching his hand for Heidi to shake. The way he looked at her, his eyes were full of fear.

"Hi Connor, I'm Heidi. We've met when Evan was in the hospital, but it's good to probably be introduced." She smiled, accepting his offer of the hand shake. "And Connor, sweetie, about what I saw on the couch-"

"I'm sorry." He cut off, causing Evan to be taken aback. Connor was apologizing to his mom, something he never expected to happen.

He really cares.

Pfft no.

"No no, I'm not mad. I just wanted to say that I'm okay with all of that. Evan talked to me and if he's happy, I'm happy. I really don't mind. You don't need to worry around here, it's alright." Heidi reassured, watching a smile grow on Evan's face. She hadn't seen him so happy in so long, it was refreshing.

"Oh, well, thank you." Connor smiled, glancing his eyes down. His sleeve was still rolled up, the new cuts sticking out like ugly sores. If Heidi noticed, she didn't point it out. It made Connor wonder if she had seen that on Evan before, his smile fading at the idea.

"Tacos good for dinner? I started before I left, but I doubt Evan continued." She teased, gently shoving her son's shoulder. Evan blushed a deep red color, even more than he did when he was with Connor.

"I- I can help. I'm n-not completely u-useless." Evan stuttered, a small laugh escaping his lips. Connor squeezed his shoulder, following Heidi through the door into the kitchen.

"I'll help, Ms. Hansen. I usually don't at home, my mom has some weird rules when it comes to food. That and my sister can f- screw off." Connor laughed, watching as Evan nervously eyed the knives set out to cut vegetables. They shared a look, exchanging words through their soft, brown eyes.

"I-I'll cut the peppers. And lettuce. And anything else that needs cutting." Evan nervously stammered, sounding like a child. Heidi raised an eyebrow, but handed over the knives and cutting boards. With his broken arm, the difficulty level was increased, but he still managed.

"Thanks for helping, but you really don't need to Connor. You are the guest." Heidi pointed out, frying some meat for dinner.

"I don't mind." Connor insisted, trying to make the best first impression he could. The smile and blush on Evan's face was far worth it.

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Dinner went smoothly, small talk being made over the food. Evan barely ate half a taco, Connor, on the other half, eating three. Heidi watched the two of the carefully, almost over watching Connor. She had noticed the cuts on his arms and didn't want Evan to fall back into that habit with concern. She didn't like Connor doing it either, but her first concern was her son.