Abasement With Heavy Hearts

Chapter 18

TRIGGER WARNING: internalized homophobia mentioned, swearing, talk of self harm, mention of suicide attempt, mention of fighting

All thoughts in italics are Evan's thoughts, unless implied to be Connors.

Heidi went into the kitchen, planning to give her son some time with his friends. As much as she wanted to hold him and never let go, he did need time with his friends.

Evan sat down in the living room, raising an eyebrow when he saw Connor's hand clasped around a teddy bear with the drawing of a tree. His knuckles were scabbed and bruised, a piece of tape wrapping two of them together.

How did I not realize this?? He got hurt... Connor got hurt. Most likely because of me.

Wait, Jared's hand is the same way??

"So, um, I got this for you." Connor told him, handing him the teddy bear. "My mom suggested I do reasons I care about you so those are the words on the tree. Oh, my mom's okay with us together as like, a couple. Zoe's chill too, I think. She just takes every opportunity to insult me on it. My dad doesn't know and he won't anytime soon."

"Oh! Okay. T-that's cool. T-thanks. Sorry a-about y-your dad." Evan stuttered, pretending not to notice the cuts littering his boyfriend's hand.

"It's okay." Connor smiled, trying to pretend he didn't notice Evan's worried stares.

"I got you a sketch book and pencils. Try not to draw tree porn." Jared intervened, handing over the sketchbook. The book cover itself was made of cork, a tree carved onto the front. A pack of drawing pencils and an eraser were attached with a rubber band.

"Um, thanks Jared." Evan muttered, his breathing noticeably increasing as he stared at the cuts on Jared's hand.

"Uh, don't freak out over it, Evan. It's out of my persona but not that far." Jared spoke, holding his hands up in an 'I surrender' fashion.

"I'm sorry, this is probably not my business, so I'm sorry, but my-my mom mentioned you two were suspended? D-Did you f-fight... uh... each other? I'm sorry that was a bit rude to ask, but I can't help but wonder when both of your hands are injured and I don't want to be the reason you-"

"Hey hey, take a breath." Connor reminded him, playfully punching Evan on the arm. There was something different about the gesture, something that seemed to matter more than having his hand held.

"Stop apologizing, it's not a good look on you." Jared added, taking a moment to look at the bruises on his hand.

"To answer your question, we didn't beat the shit out of each other. I was suspended and technically am until Monday. This fucker said some things about you, so he had it coming. Jared totally knocked out this sophomore that joked about it." Connor grinned, unable to stop himself from feeling pride.

"He-he called me a homophobic freak." Jared defended, trying to protect his own pride. He could finish explaining, Evan had wrapped him in a hug.

"Thanks, b-both of you, but don't d-do that a-again." Evan stuttered, wanting nothing more than to hold Connor's hands in his.

"Maybe."

"No problem. I don't have the itch for violence again."

Evan smiled, knowing better than to insist anything otherwise. "So, um, what else did I miss? My mom told m-me about the... s-school..."

"Alana Beck considers you a friend, apparently." Connor pointed out, glancing at Jared for anything else to add.

"I guess Connor's not completely batshit crazy." Jared admitted, taking that as something new.