Unattainable (A Daryl Dixon love story)

20

The last thing Pepper wanted to do was be with a bunch of women, but the others all had jobs that day, so she figured it would mostly be just her and Lori.

Lori sat her down at a table, sitting across from her, and thanked her for finding the formula. Pepper nodded and smiled at her. “Did you have children?” Lori asked.

Pepper was stunned, she didn’t understand what she meant by the question. What is just a conversation starter question? Or was she implying Pepper looked like she had children?

“I haven’t had any” she finally said. “Did you ever want any?” Lori asked again.

“I did… I still do” Pepper said. “Why didn’t you? I know a lot of young people are getting started earlier these days” she said, looking genuinely interested.

“I never got a guy to agree to have one with me” she answered in a joking tone, causing Lori to laugh. “What? But you’re such a wonderful little lady, I can’t see why you aren’t married” She said. “I have a thing for assholes” Pepper said glancing at Daryl as he angrily stabbed walkers, then back at Lori.

“I know the story” Lori said with a smile, then began “I really hate to bring this up, but about yesterday… you took the passing of that baby-“

“Jessica, her name was Jessica” Pepper quickly said. “I’m sorry… You took Jessica’s death hard. Did you know her or her mom?” Lori asked. “No. You have no idea how hard it is to kill something so innocent before it tried to kill you. It takes so much away from you” Pepper said, finding Lori’s eyes.

“Don’t ever think you’re alone in this, I’m always here for you” Lori said, seeing how watery Pepper’s eyes had gotten.

They sat in silence as Pepper thought about what she was about to say. “What’s it like?” Pepper asked blankly, causing Lori to ask what she meant. “What’s it like to have children?” she repeated.

“It’s the most rewarding thing in the world” she answered, grabbing her hand kindly.

“Must be nice.”

“Pepper you have time, it’s possible to have a baby even under these conditions.”

“Lori, you don’t understand. I’ll never be able to have children… I’m infertile, but I’ve accepted that. Yesterday when I held Jessica I thought it was finally my time, I was finally going to be a mom, that’s all I ever wanted to be, I even had dreams about making school lunches and getting into PTA fights, but I had those dreams in my hand for only minutes… and that’s what killed me” Pepper said, letting tears spill down her face.

Lori quickly got up and walked over to her, hugging her, letting her cry silently into her shoulder. For almost twenty minutes they stayed that way. Once Pepper had stopped crying she told Lori thank you.

Once the whole ordeal was over Pepper decided she was no use to anyone just sitting there, so she decided to help with the fences.

There was still a good amount to the left of the gate where Carol and Garrett were, so she helped them. “Having fun yet?” Carol said with a smile after the three had been working silently for a while. “Oh yes, definitely glad to cross this one off the bucket list” Pepper laughed back.

At the end of the day, after dinner had been made by Lori and Beth, everyone sat down for dinner and ate as usual; happily. The atmosphere was lighter than it had been in a while. Pepper sat with Lori and Rick and Carol, enjoying their company.

Daryl hadn’t spoken to her all day and she hadn’t seen him since that morning. She discretely looked around, trying to find him. She quickly smiled when she found him sitting with the twins. It looks as though Tyler was bugging him about his crossbow, pointing at parts of it as Daryl held it up and started talking, but she couldn’t hear them.

“That Tyler sure is eager to learn about weapons, he was even on me all day asking if he could help with the fences” Rick said, looking to the same table she was. “He’s always been like that, he even stole my gun once and kept it in his tent for emergencies. He actually had to use it too. Has a near perfect aim even, but he’s really not mature enough to handle it” Pepper laughed, now trying to sway the attention from their table to her.

“They both seem to like Daryl” Carol said and added “Tricia told me today that she wishes she was ‘of age’ so they could date… and then she said a few things I told her I couldn’t repeat.”

Pepper almost snorted between her laughs “Did she really? That girl has always been a huge perv!” “That doesn’t make you the least bit defensive?” Lori asked. Pepper realized she was implying that they had a thing; they did, but it was a secret, unspoken thing that meant a lot to her so she just shrugged it off. “Like I’ve said before, we’re just friends” Pepper said.