Write On Me

Chapter 43

Lauren ripped the blanket off of herself and forced herself off the bed. The throbbing in her head made the task hard, but soon she found herself with a glass of cold water, swallowing aspirins.

Her reflection showed how miserable she was feeling. There was hair stuck to her forehead and sticking out in places, her eyes were slightly swollen from the crying she had done the night prior, there were black smudges around her eyes, and red lipstick smeared across her chin.

Now, wasn't the time to think about how she resembled a drugged up clown, she had to find Camila. However, she had reputation to uphold and she was not about to be photographed by the paparazzi looking like that. 

Her eyes searched around the semi clean, minus a few bottles tossed on the ground, hotel room.  Lauren liked to be tidy, except for when she was drunk.

It didn't take long before her eyes landed on what they were looking for. Makeup wipes.

She ripped open the package and grabbed a fresh wipe. Her hand rubbed gently around her face.

With each wipe, she began to look more like herself, well, as much as she could while looking like she had been punched in both eyes.

Not only was crying draining, but it was also super difficult to hide.

The last step came, she had to do something with her hair. Luckily, her blue brush was sitting on the tile counter. She ran it through her tangled black hair and tied her hair back with a yellow ponytail. 

Her eyes scanned her body. Her black sweatpants and green T-shirt would have to do for now, but the smell would have to go.

The alcohol could be smelled from a mile away.

She sprayed herself vigorously with 'Kiss' by Marc Jacobs. Its flowery scent masked the bad odor. And just for good measure, she reapplied her Dove deodorant that just smelled like roses.

Now, she was ready to go out. 

Heavy knocking at her hotel room door interrupted Camila while she was shoving clothes into her yellow suitcase. 

Her feet made light thumps on the ground as she tip toed to the door.

Without looking through the peephole, figuring it was Dinah, she yanked open the wooden door.

"Hey Lauren," Camila uttered, completely confused as to why Lauren was at her door.

"Hey Camz," Lauren asked, her voice raspier than normal, as she played with her fingers, "Has Maite left yet?"

Camila nodded in reply, "Like an hour ago, I'm pretty sure her flight is just leaving."

Lauren's eyes dropped at the news and her stomach started to feel like there was a knot in it, "Oh."

The usually energetic, always smiling Cuban wasn't sure how to react to the swollen eyed, hungover girl in front of her. 

Camila's hand left the door handle that she had been holding and she took a step back on the carpeted flooring, "Do you want to come in?"

Green eyes met her brown ones and then looked behind her. Lauren's head shook, "No, I mean, you look pretty busy and I should probably pack myself."

But Lauren's feet stayed put in the same spot.

Camila chuckled, this was the Lauren she knew, not the cold hearted one that had been around lately. This Lauren in front of her looked vulnerable and adorable with her shy smile.

"Get in here," Camila retorted, and gestured inside. 

Lauren felt her legs carry her inside the room and over to a modern black couch.

"Why are you looking for her?" Camila pondered as she heard the soft click of the door locking behind her. 

Lauren laid back on the couch and she looked at the plain white ceiling above her. 

The green-eyed girl's chest dropped as she let out a sigh, "I fucked up."

Camila's head instantly bobbed in agreement, "Big time."

"That's not helping," Lauren huffed, and glared at the other girl.

"My bad," Camila's face showed a grin, sympathy free, as she leaned against the wall in front of Lauren.

Lauren just shook her head in response. It was true what Camila had said. She had messed up big time.

"Why'd you do it?" Camila's questioned, her voice soft, almost afraid to ask.

She really didn't want Lauren blowing up on her.

"I-I don't know," Lauren paused, "I guess I got scared."

Camila's black eyebrows scrunched up, "You guess?"

She got a nod in response.

"The photo got leaked and I didn't want to be that person," Lauren voiced.

"What do you mean by 'that person'?"

"I," Lauren drawled. "It didn't feel like me. I don't know how to describe it. I didn't feel like that was me in that photo. When I saw it, all I saw was how other people would view it-some lesbian celebrity. And that's not me but I felt like the photo had pushed me into a box. That that's all people would see of me. And it wasn't only the photo, you know, the photo just was the tipping point. I-It was the years of fans like 'knowing' that I was bisexual and," she paused and took a deep breath, her face slightly red from ranting, "hearing people say that, I got angry. Like I wasn't even ready to accept that about myself. It honestly made me hate myself, because I wondered how they even saw that and like what were they looking at when they saw that?"

Camila had sat down beside next to Lauren on the couch and rubbed her arm supportingly.

Lauren stared blankly ahead of her, just letting her thoughts flow freely. "The photo just-fuck. I actually lost it. I felt like that's all I would be seen as. The lesbian from some girl group. And I've worked so hard to be more than that. I had thought that I was ready to be out, that's why I had come out to you and the girls, but, I don't know.  Maite had made me blissfully unaware but then the photo leaked and I felt like people would see me and judge me on that. Like all that mattered was my sexuality. And, I guess, it all got to me. So, I pushed it away. I pushed it all away. I just didn't want that to be me."

Lauren's face was red and her hands were slightly hurting from how much she had been using them to express her thoughts. 

Camila absorbed the information, not sure how to respond. Her eyes looked to Lauren, then to where Lauren was staring, at the fridge in front of them. But Lauren wasn't really looking at the fridge, her eyes look glazed over. She looked deep in thought.

"How do you feel now? Do you still not want that to be you?" Camila voiced softly as she put her legs on the cross and sat criss-crossed.

Lauren's face turned to face hers. Her eyes took in Camila's warm deep brown ones and she shrugged, "I don't."

"But you just said-"

"I don't," Lauren repeated, "I don't want to be viewed to the world only as the lesbian in a girl group. My sexuality isn't important and I'm tired of people making it the only interesting thing about me. I'm tired of feeling angry and scared. But I can't do this anymore. This wasn't the way I wanted to come out to the fans and to my family, but I guess there's nothing I can but roll with it. The real fans will know that I'm more than who I fuck and, I guess my relatives will just have to deal."

Camila pieced together what Lauren was saying. "So that means-"

"That means, I need to get Maite back."

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The story will probably be ending soonnnnnnn.........