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On A Whole New Fuck It

"T, stop it. Stop it.", i said grabbing her arms. She turned her head looking at me. She looked upset and hurt. What the hell is wrong?

"London im sorry. I just hate the thought of somebody else with you.", she said but, i really think its something else. I have known her for a year and i know when something is wrong. But we was on thin ice as is and didn't need to add to the mess. If she didnt want to help me she didn't have to.

"Okay.", i said as she wrapped her arms around my waist. Her head rested on my shoulder and we just stood there. Holding her while she held me felt different. I had already told her i loved her but, was i in love with her? I mean she did alot for me and, i do love her. I just am so tired of loving people and getting hurt in the end. As my mind went wild i didnt realize the lips that had started to travell over my neck. I looked over into her lust filled eyes and kissed her lips. Its was a small kiss that for some reason had no spark. I pulled away as her head went down. I knew the only reason this kiss had no spark was simply because this kiss had tension and issues behind it. So its time to really talk.

"Something is wrong T. What is it?", she looked at me with so much confusion i didnt know what to do. She opened her mouth but the words seemed to get stuck everytime she tried to speak.

"Seeing April today made me think. I dont know why it brought it back but.... i need some time to think on something. Like real time to think.", she said rubbing her neck. What did April have to do with her needing time?

"Okay.", i said with my hands in my pockets. "Will i see you again?". She looked at me knowing the tension was there and walked out. As soon as the door closed i cried. I felt like she had just left me and i couldnt do shit worth a nothing about it. I held my hand over my mouth as i leaned down on the floor. Camren left me. T left me. I was all alone once again.

Hey camren its me again. I just wanted to talk to you. I need my bestfriend in my life. Call me when you get the chance. Bye love you.

I left the fourteenth message on her phone. Soon i wouldnt even be able to do that. T hasn't called or text me all week. I layed on my bed searching through instagram seeng her page. She was back to her normal self posting videos of her rapping to music. Saying hoes wasn't loyal. It looked like she was happy. I looked in her comments and she was telling girls to slide in her DMs. I finally got a call as i was about to text T.

"What do you want London?", Camren said over the phone as if she had so many better things to do.

"Camren im so sorry."

"Sorry wouldnt have cut it if Eve did something to my son. You were iresponsible. I wouldn't have been so mad if yall even fucked with him in the room but, dont think thats an option. What im trying to say is you shouldnt have took dick over your responsibility." , she said makeing me mad. How could she tell me that when she did the same thing her entire life?

"Oh so I cant be like you."

"London, i didnt have a child. We are not kids anymore. Everybody has a life and your falling now. Ive changed over the year and your dateing a wanna be rapper.", when she brought up T i wanted to cry and, so i did.

"London whats wrong?", Camren said worried but still upset over the situation. I knew that no matter what Camren was always gonna make sure i was alright. I already knew i would have to work my way back to her trust but, i was gonna do all i could.

"I haven't talked to T in the last week. She been posting on instagram but, she wont text me. She out there telling hoes to slide in her DM while im over here trying to hold it down.", i said getting aggravated each time i said something.

"Leave her. She playing like she single. So give her what she want. Leave her.", Camrens said hanging up. Who hangs up on somebody after giving a speech like that?

I was contemplating on if i should just break it off over the phone or go to her house. If i went to her house then maybe she would understand that im doing it for her, right? I was doing this so she and me could be happy. For us. Yeah, for us, because i want this just as bad as she wants this. I think.

I pulled up to T apartment and walked up the many stairs leading to her door. I could tell she was home so i knocked. After about five minutes she came to the door in her T shirt and basket ball shorts. She was looking at me confused.

"What you want London?", she said aggravated. And that told me all i needed to know. She didnt want to be with me. She wanted me out of her life and that was that. She didnt have to give me a reason. Her body rythm spoke volumes. She just left me for absolutely no reason.

"I came over to finish something we could have ended befor-", but i saw a girl walking out of T's room. I kinda let a tear fall out of my eye curling my lips into a smile. It was different when it was just on the phone but, no this was different. But then i realized who the girl was. It was Eve! She was fucking T after i let her come to my house.

"So what you was gonna do huh? Keep me waiting for you to come back not takeing notice to anybody. Im trying to do my best by you while you fucking somebody else. Oh and not just anybody but this coniving bitch.", i said already haveing no more tears to cry.

"Whats done is done cant change it now?", she said with no emotion. I was angry and hurt. I raised my hand as she grabbed it lowering it to my side as i staired in her face wishing she would disappear. She kept blinking as if to hold back tears. I snatched my hand from her almost haveing no breath left.

"So just like that? We done now right? Okay cause you gonna realize you ain't never gonna find another London. Fuck you T. Fuck you.", i said walking away. She done played me for the last time. Im so over her bullshit. I got in my car slamming my hands on the stearing wheel. I was crying so hard. I didnt know if i should be mad with her or myself. She was always this way so going through this i should have seen it coming. I mean the second time i met her she had a whole girl with her all rubbing on her. It was just what it was.

So after me and T's break up i decided i needed to make a change in my life. I didn't at the time know but i knew i wanted to change.  So finally after two weeks i decides to go back to school and become a teacher. Ive been single for three years and havent focused on the past. I want to settle down but at the prime age of twenty five im sticking to my students for now.

T did the one thing i would have guessed way back. She became a rapper traveling all over never settling down. I respected her for not wanting to turn in yet but she was still acting like a child even after all theses years.

Me and Camren made up and James was even one of my students. That was vefor i moved up to sixth grade. She and Damen almost fell out because of Eve. That girl is nothing but trouble. Ruining every family she can. But Damen wasn't loseing her and they renewed there vows on her birthday.

And come to find out Andrew's dream girl was Vicky..they got married a while back and moved to some country i dont know.

Im just waiting for my happily ever after. Until then im on a whole new fuck it.