[Exopink : Kyungjoo] A bumpy ride

Introduction

"Life is a simple word yet complicated but probably not as complicated as my existence. This life has no end to it neither does my problems. 'Live your life happily in what you get' what if there is nothing in my life to be happy about. 'Be positive and look at the things you have' what if these things give you pain and nothing else. My whole life i wondered what actually happiness was and still trying to figure out what it is?

Me, a person who cared less for appearances than personalities, who couldn't find friends i could trust, who could not understand what a family should be like, who couldn't believe if i will get lucky, or find love, who did not know what should be done or what not. Neither i got the answers of these questions nor the meaning of happiness.

They say a few bumps in the road of life make you stronger but what if your whole life is a bumpy one. Perhaps, i felt dizzy as nobody warned me to 'fasten the seat belts, here comes a bumpy ride'. Countless times i wished this life ends, probably i was a coward to end it with my own hands or was it i secretly wished in a corner of my heart, that this life of mine will change? As if nothing happened i stood again, yet again my bumpy ride continued. I am a human too i forgot. Crush, love, happiness, friendship, family, and emotions i don't know anything anymore. There was once a simple dream i dreamt but soon i realized it was just a dream after all. Just like a glass it shattered making me realize to wake up and face reality, telling me you don't have the right to dream"

"Another diary entry, these pages gets filled but the content is always the same....i wonder if.......impossible!!" muttering she sighed simultaneously closing the broad diary and sliding it aside on the table. Resting her head on the table her hair fell on her beautiful face. Though in that simple pink pajamas on her slender body she looked gorgeous. Her attractive big eyes, plump pink lips, silky smooth hair, and infact every feature of hers was attractive. That even word pretty doesn't do justice if compared to her beauty. But her eyes didn't look happy at all. Sluggishly she moved her exhausted body towards the bed.

Settling on the bed she tried to sleep as soon as her worn out body hit the bed but that was another effortless task, as the insomnia hit her again. Blankly staring at the ceiling she let out a bitter laugh which made her younger sister wake up, who was in the same room as hers "Namjoo?? Not asleep, yet?" she could hear her asking in a hoarse voice, as she was half asleep.

"Yeah, I was going to. You sleep" namjoo convinced. With that she slept again. A few minutes passed by twisting and turning, she noticed her mom who was besides her sleeping. Looking at her blankly she turned to other side away from her "Why do they sleep in my room instead of their rooms?" she muttered under her breath. Closing her eyes with an effort to sleep, all she could recollect was the past, her childhood.

In the evening, namjoo returned to her house after playing in the neighborhood only to be greeted by flying plates and vases. It was no surprise for her as it was the daily scene in her house. Her parents, who were fighting with each other, cursing at each other, didn't even realize she was at the door. Namjoo hung her head down watching the same thing daily. Being a child she never understood what they fought about. Namjoo shivered when they both were physical, grabbing each others hair and hitting each other with what came to their hands. Just like always she hid herself in the room covering with the blanket hoping their voices slow down. She sobbed quietly unable to understand what she should be doing. This was same since she was born or perhaps before? She didn't know. Leaving the room, she went outside to check the quiet atmosphere and saw her mother crying alone. Her stomach rumbled due to hunger but she was in no position to ask her mother. Deciding to search the food on her own, she left to the kitchen but there was no food at all. Her hand slipped and the bowl fell down breaking it into pieces. Shocked namjoo stood silent but not after a second her mother came running and slapped her hard "You and your father, will not let me live will you? Get out" she yelled crying. It was clear; she was just taking out his anger on her.