The Long Game--Joshaya

Chapter 14

It was as if Lucas had disappeared off the planet. It was the last day of Thanksgiving Break and he still hasn't made an appearance. Every time someone asked Riley about it, she was vague about it. Zay hasn't really been hanging around us either so it was hard to see what was really up. I had a good feeling what had happened, but I wanted to wait for her to tell me. She needed to be ready first. 

Thanksgiving break had mostly been Riley, Farkle, Smackle, and me. We celebrated at the Matthews as usual. I skyped with my mom and Shawn. They were in London right now. 

And right now I'm in a local coffee shop. It was only 5 minutes away from my house. I finally got my drink that I was waiting for. 

Ever since the summer, I've always been aware of all my surroundings. I didn't want to be caught off guard again. I never wanted to be put in that situation again. I didn't walk while texting anymore, I never walked with my headphones blasted on high anymore, and I always paid full attention to who was walking by. 

Today was no different. It was only a 5 minute walk, but 5 minutes can make a big difference. 

I was almost near my house when I saw a familiar head of blonde passing by. I quickly turned my head to see that my guess was right. It was Lucas. He knew I was there, he was rushing past me. He was trying to avoid eye contact but of course he had to glance back and that's when our eyes locked.

He sighed and turned around, knowing that it was too late to pretend he didn't see me. There was this sense of fear in me. It was still the effect of seeing him last time. I definitely did not revert back to before, but it was still scary. Lucas didn't really know of my progress either. He stopped a good distance away from me. Over the break I thought constantly about my phobia. It wasn't completely gone, but it wasn't affecting me heavily anymore. I did occasionally get scared or felt this impending doom type of feeling sometimes but I could now walk on the streets. I wasn't going to just let the sight of him get in my way. Yet, there was still a part of me that felt deeply afraid. It was like I was pushing it down to keep it from affecting me. It was working and hopefully it stayed down there, but that was something I won't know until it happens. 

I motioned my head to the steps of my own house. It was only a few more steps so I knew we wouldn't have to go through this strange silence of walking. It felt as if Lucas wasn't Lucas anymore. He seemed distant. He wasn't the Huckleberry I met in middle school. 

We sat on the steps, closer than I assumed he expected. "Where've you been Lucas?"

"I was in Texas.." He said vaguely.

"Zay too?" I simply asked. 

"Yea." This wasn't like him. He used to always have something to say. That's what made him a little bit like Riley, other than the obvious fact that they'd do anything for their friends. 

Should I wait for him to just tell me? Or should I just pretend I have no clue?

I sighed, "Did you two break up?" It was a question that I already knew the answer to, but I wanted us to still be friends after this. I didn't want a rift between our group. We've gone through 3 years of high school as friends and we were almost done with our last year. Just kidding no we're not, we're barely doing college applications but it was still the idea that we were almost going to college. 

There was a look of guilt in his eyes. It also seemed like he was hiding something. All he did was look down. There was no answer, but that was my answer. 

"I want us to still be friends. We were all friends before you guys became a couple." He was biting his lips and clenching his fists. "So, don't be distant from us. We're still your friends." I give him a pat on the back. He swiveled his head up to look at me in shock. I give him a small smile.

"I know, I'm getting better"

He gives me his all too familiar smile, "I'm happy for you" 

It didn't look like it was the complete truth.

--

It was late at night when my phone rang. 

"Peaches?" I was waiting for this, but I wish it wasn't at this time of night. It was almost midnight.

"You know I can't come to you Riles.." I regretted that I couldn't come to her in her time of need.

"I know.." She said quietly. "That's why I came to you.." I quickly bolted up from the bed and to the door. I swiftly pulled the door open to see a slightly sad Riley. She wasn't super upset, she's had a few days to overcome that stage. Now, she was just upset. That feeling you get when you try to think what went wrong. That feeling you have of why did everything happen? The upset feeling that stays with you until you finally forget to worry about it.

We moved to my house's version of the bay window. It wasn't as fancy or cool, but it did come with bean bags. 

There was a silence after we got comfortable. I wouldn't say the silence itself was comfortable, but it wasn't terribly awkward either.

She didn't beat around the bush like she probably would have back in middle school. She just jumped straight to the topic. 

"We broke up." I nodded my head, letting her know I was listening. She took this as a sign to continue.

"It wasn't heartbreaking." What?

"I guess I'm here because....because why am I not more upset?" She asked me curiously, as if I'd know the answer. 

"What do you mean?"

"I mean.. I'm not upset about it? It's hard to explain. It's like I thought I'd be more heartbroken and more sad and distanced. I thought I'd cry my eyes, but I didn't? It was kind of like I'm unhappy that it's happened, but its not the worst thing in the world." She tried to explain. I kind of saw where this was going. 

"Riles, how did you feel when you were breaking up with him? What were you thinking?" I felt like a psychologist. 

"I felt like- oh." She realized. "You're getting good. Well you were good before, but now you're better than good." 

"I have been hanging out with someone who has a minor in psychology." 

She gave me a smile that told me she was happy for me. "I can't believe you're going to be my aunt."

"Stop. Back to you now." Heat creeped up.

"I see you blushing, but okay, just because I feel like I need to get this out." She gave a big, dramatic sigh. 

"I felt like it was going to happen. I knew it was coming. I was waiting for it to come. We didn't like each other like we used to anymore. The feelings were real, but they grew apart. We grew up. Our feelings weren't as strong as they used to be. I'm not upset because I wanted this to happen. I didn't specifically know I wanted this, but I've been feeling it. My love for Lucas Friar just wasn't there anymore. Lucas Friar was my first love, but not my current love." 

I smiled and gave her a hug. "I'm glad that you got it out. I'm happy that you're not crying and moping over this. I would be here for you if you were, but I'm glad you aren't. Wait, what do you mean current love?" I raised a brow. Did she like someone else?

"No peaches, I don't like anyone. You're the one who understands poetic speeches more, you should know this"

"Hey, sometimes you're better than me at all this emotion stuff. You know that" I laugh. She joins in with me.

"Don't worry, if I do like someone, you'll be the first I tell." 

"You better" We continued to laugh. Suddenly, the smile faded off her face.

"What's wrong?" I ask worriedly. 

"There is something though. You might suspect this though." She said in a serious tone. "We broke up because he really likes you Maya. Lucas likes you so much you can almost call it love."

Josh suspected it, and I did too. I just hoped it wasn't true. Just great.