opposites- Phan fic

Chapter eleven: I need it

DAN:

I waited for Phil to come home and I willed myself to stay where I was. I was gonna wait for Phil, I wasn't gonna touch my razor yet because I promised that I would wait for him to come back and I didn't wanna break my promise no matter how hard it was not too.

PHIL:

I fumble with the keys, unlocking the door and stumbling in, shutting the door behind me. "Dan? DAN!" I yell through the apartment, hearing a small whimper from the bathroom. I run over to it, to see Dan sitting there knees to his chest hugging them tightly. He is staring across the room, thinking in deep thought.

DAN:

"P-Phil I-I'm sorry I-I didn't know what to do!" I said and then he walked over and sat beside me, talking my hand. "Phil I need I-it." I cried "P-Please I'm sorry b-b-but I need it."

PHIL:

"Dan no, your stronger than this! Please baby, ignore those bad thoughts, please!!" I let the tears freely roll down my cheek.

DAN:

I shake my head "N-No I can't Phil p-please! It's like a physically need it, I do-on't want it b-but I n-n-need it please I-" I cut myself off there with more cries.

PHIL:

"D-Dan, you can do this! Please! I-I need you l, I can't get you back into the habit of doing this again!" I plead.

DAN:

"Please Phil! Just one last time, just this one last time and it wont happen again please!" I beg.

PHIL:

"B-But Dan, this is for your own good! You don't...Please don't." I whisper quietly, looking into his eyes. They are full of sadness, and regret.

DAN:

I bite my lip so hard that I can tease blood, "I-I don't know what do to, please I-I please just-" I put my head in my hands and give up, but the thought of giving up and not getting my release makes me cry harder.

PHIL:

I'm probably the worst person in the world. I can't stand seeing anybody cry, let alone the person I love. I steadily stand up, wobbling over to the sink. I open the cupboard, taking out a little box containing the razors. I sit back down next to Dan, handing him the box, too ashamed to look him in the eyes. Partly ashamed of him, but more ashamed of myself. I bury my head in my knees, sobbing quietly, as I know what he's about to do. I can't stand to watch it, he was right.

DAN:

I take the little box out of Phil's hand and open it, look at all the little razors inside. I pick one out and just stair at it, I finely have it, I have the release that I wanted and I can have it. But then I look at Phil.

I look at Phil and I see him crying into his knees, not wanting to look, to look at someone who he loves hurt themselves in such a horrible way. I think this is the moment that I finely realise how much he loves me, because he doesn't want me to be sad so he lets me do something so horrible.

I find myself not wanting the razor any more, so I throw it away to the other side of the room and take Phil in my arms and hug him as tight as I can. He's still crying as he clings on to me, he's crying even harder than before, so I stroke his hair and try and calm him down. "Shh, baby, shh it's okay, I'm okay and so are you, I love you, it's okay."

PHIL:

"D-Did y-you d-do it?" I choke out in between sobs. I cling onto his shirt, my nails probably digging into his back, but I can't help it. I just need to be close to him so much. What if this turns into a regular thing? What do I do when he needs to cut again? I'm sure I will break down again in front of him the next time, I know I won't be able to handle it.