Itazura Na Kiss- Eternal Love Story

#31 Memories that will haunt forever

(Naoki POV)

Two weeks had already passed since the therapy. Kotoko was still admitted in the hospital. These whole two weeks passed in a blur. Things went bad to downhill and then back up the slope. In other words, after the therapy Kotoko was severely ill. She is a little bit better now but the last two weeks were a total nightmare for me. It was pure torture to see her in so much pain. It's as if someone was pricking needles in my whole body without mercy. She was a fighter. She fought hard against the pain until she fainted, only to wake up in even more pain. And as for me? I died. I died a thousand deaths. To see the love of my life struggling for her life in the hospital bed was never something I thought I would ever experience. But I had to live through it. I had to live and breathe and see her nearly lifeless body struggling for her dear life.

I cried. Yes, I cried which I thought was never possible for me until I met her. I don't even remember, how old I was the last time I shed tears like this. But now when I see her in such pain my heart wrenched and tears fell from the eyes on their own accord. I cried at my own helplessness. I cried for all the memories of my carelessness that were flooding back to me. I didn't want to show her my tears. I needed to stay strong for her and everyone at home. They all were depending on me. But they probably couldn't imagine how broken I was feeling inside. My soul was crushing. I was terrified with the fear of losing her. I couldn't imagine my life without her. It's void. It's empty without her. Everyday either I sat beside her, holding her hands when she sweated profusely for the muscle aches or I held her in my arms lying beside her on the hospital bed and wishing if I could take away all her pains. I will switch the place with her any time. I would gladly suffer in her place if that meant she was safe, she was all right.

All I wanted now is a chance. A chance to set things right. A chance to treat her well, treat her how she deserved to be treated. I won't give up until I created that chance. That is what I promised myself.

Her therapy process is changed a little and she is under more care now. After her therapy she is looking so fragile. She is thinner than ever. The doctors are still unsure of her situation though. She is not stable yet. Every minute, every hour, every day, we are looking for more accurate solutions, analysing different theories and possibilities. I am trying my best to take care of her with all the researches I am doing on Neuroshia.

I spent the nights of the last 2 weeks in the hospital with her straight. Oka-san wanted to stay behind a few number of times saying I needed rest but I didn't budge. Nothing can keep me away from her anymore. I have learnt my lesson.

...

It was 2 AM in the morning. I was resting on the spare bed in her cabin that was arranged on my request. As much as I wanted, I couldn't cuddle her while she was so weak. She needed proper rest. She was also surrounded by respiratory, cardiac and neurological monitors who continuously recorded her condition.

Suddenly the monitors broke the rhythmic beeping noise and increased the frequency of beeping by 3 times than regular. I nearly had a cardiac arrest. I jumped out of the bed pressing the emergency button which alerted Dr. Shinju and other members of the team who were on duty. I rushed at Kotoko's side. She was having breathing problems. Apparently she was not getting enough oxygen. I put the oxygen mask on her and started doing other required checkups when the door bolted open and Dr. Shinju, Hana & Mio entered the room.

Everything was a blur from that point on. I don't exactly remember how things went. I don't know who was doing what. I was only concentrating on my wife. She was having a cardiac arrest due to the lack of oxygen. I started giving her CPR. Somebody informed Dr. Ayano who arrived as soon as he can while I was doing the CPR. He just looked at me once before gently but firmly moving me and taking my position and resumed my work.

Her heart stopped working and so did my mind.

I was freaking out... hyperventilating. I was losing her... right in front of my eyes. I tried to move my feet but they seemed frozen. I have never felt so pathetic in my whole life. I kept repeating her name. I don't know if that was loud or in my mind. I didn't even realise when I started crying and I didn't care. I only removed the tears when they made my vision blurry. I didn't care that I was losing my mind which is strictly prohibited for a doctor while attending a patient. I didn't care anything in the world at all.

Dr. Ayano started doing defibrillation on her. He started with 120 joules but then kept increasing and only stopped when he reached up to 200 joules.

That's when her heart started beating again.

Finally the beating sound of her heart brought back the life inside me.

Slowly her breathing came within control and also my sense came back so I moved forward to help the others. No one tried to stop me because they knew better than to do that. Her condition was slightly better but she was senseless.

I had lost the track of time a long time ago. I had no idea for how long we were inside the cabin treating her. After what seemed like forever, there was still no improvement in her condition. But the doctors did everything they could for now. Dr. Ayano asked me to follow him out but I refused to leave her side. He didn't force me so Dr. Shinju followed him out. Hana and Mio also remained in the cabin with me to watch over her.

After nearly 20 minutes, I held a grip on myself and went to see Dr. Ayano asking Hana and Mio to call me right away if there were any changes in her condition. Along with doctor Shinju, Dr. Ayano was already busy in a video conference with the states doctors. Dr. Ayano only glanced at me once when I joined the conference. They have given a brief about Kotoko's condition and were discussing about the possible solution. This went on for several hours and before I knew, the sun was already high up in the sky.

I entered Kotoko's cabin with Dr. Ayano tailing me when the conference ended. We both checked up on her and asked to Hana and Mio if there were any changes in her. There were none.

"Dr. Irie, you should inform your family."

I only looked up at him with a blank stare in my face. That really just sounded awfully wrong.

"I mean, although there is no change in her condition now, she isn't out of critical stage yet. She is still in coma. I'm sure your parents would want to know." Dr. Ayano said in a small voice.

Coma... She is in coma... and I couldn't stop that. I couldn't do anything for her. I was supposed to be the genius with IQ level 200 and yet here I am... as pathetic as ever... unable to protect the only light in my life.

I swallowed and only nodded unable to say anything. Dr. Ayano kept his stethoscope inside his blue hospital gown that he was wearing over his pyjama. I guess he didn't have enough time to change when he rushed to hospital earlier after hearing about Kotoko's condition.

He patted on my shoulder and left the room with Mio. I sat down on the chair beside Kotoko's bed and held her right hand cupping it with my both hands. I kept massaging on her hand hoping she would feel my presence. Looking at her face, no one can tell that she was in coma. Her face was calm, almost as if she was sleeping peacefully.

"Please Kotoko... please..." I couldn't form any other words other than her name so I kept calling her wishing she would hear me, hoping she would respond.

I sat there for a long time wishing if I could turn back time, wishing if I could make things right. Wishing & wishing...