Itazura Na Kiss- Eternal Love Story

#39 Vows

(Kotoko POV)

Irie-kun sat me down on the bed and went to close our bedroom door. He stood there for a minute without turning around. I was feeling numb with tension. My heart was hammering in my ribcage.

Does he resent me for what I did?

What if he doesn't forgive me?

What if he again thinks I don't trust him?

Question after question flooded my brain. I couldn't sit still anymore. I got up from the bed and went near him. I don't know if he sensed me moving closer or not but he turned around when I was right behind him. He flinched and stepped back. Probably didn't expect to find me standing so close.

It pierced my heart. I automatically wanted to step closer but stopped myself at the end. He doesn't want me near... I guess.

I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out of it. Why am I so pathetic? Why can't I say anything when I need to speak up... something? Anything?

He looked up at me straight in my eyes. So many expressions changed one after another on his face. Then suddenly he moved closer and I was pulled into his arms. He buried his face in my neck.

Relief spread through my whole body. He doesn't hate me.

"I'm sorry Kotoko." I heard him say.

I shook my head violently. Why is he sorry? It's I who should be sorry. I have hurt him.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know... anything. You went through so much. You suffered so much. I can never make it up to you."

He pulled away to look me in my eyes. I was about to tell him that I should be the one to say sorry but he cut me.

"No don't. Let me talk. I need to tell you this." I closed my mouth when he said that.

"All these months... years... you wear alone. You suffered alone. Even when I was with you, I never realised if I hurt you. I took you for granted. I thought you love me and I love you back. That should be enough."

"But it is enough for me Irie-kun. Your love is all I ever wanted." I couldn't stop myself saying that. His voice was filled with so much pain and guilt. I wanted him to stop.

"But it is not enough for me. You're my wife. I should be the one to protect you. But I failed... miserably... in all my duties as a husband."

"No you didn't." I said desperately.

"Yes, I did." His voice was almost calm.

I shook my head in negative again denying it. This conversation surprisingly felt exactly the same as the previous one we had after he found out about Neuroshia. I was right. He is blaming and hating himself again.

"I can understand why you did what you did. But I can never forgive myself for what I did to you. I will ask for your forgiveness for the rest of my life but it still wouldn't be enough."

"Irie-kun, you don't have to do that. I forgive you for everything." I held his hand and squeezed it to assure him.

"No Kotoko. I have to do it. I have to." Moving closer, he put his right hand on my cheek and I leaned my face on it instantly closing my eyes to savour the moment.

"You're so precious Kotoko. I never treasured you enough. I never treated you the way you should be treated."

I opened my eyes to find him looking at me intensely. His intense gaze made me shiver but I needed to stop him from blaming himself.