Falling for the Raven [L.Lawliet x Reader]

Chapter 35

Today I saw a really pretty girl at the mall, then I embarrassed myself by trying to talk to her. I'm socially incapable...

••••••

I stared out my window, signing at the dark moon. It was probably around one in the morning. I was physically and emotionally drained, but I couldn't seem to fall asleep.

I stood up, lifting myself from the probably expensive mattress. I fell back down, catching myself with my hands. Blacks dots appeared momentarily as the blood rushed out of my head.
I returned to my usual posture and stepped out of my room.
I hadn't brought any slippers, and the marbled floors froze my feet. I snuck around the bottom floor, revisiting the foreign rooms. I found myself looking out a window, or, more accurately, a glass door. My fingertips grazed the metal handle. I hesitated for a moment, debating if I should go outside. His backyard didn't have much to offer. There was pool. Probably freezing based off the fact that it's Manchester in the beginning of spring.
I sighed turning the handle. I walked into the cold, shivering at the sudden temperature change. I loomed over the pool's edge, staring down at the small ripples made by the wind.
The night sky was pretty here. It looked different in Tokyo. In Tokyo the sky had few stars, since it was overwhelmed with light pollution. Here it was much nicer. I smiled thinking of my childhood growing up here.
That nostalgic feeling had nothing to do with my next action.
I jumped into the pool. The freezing water rushed around my body, soaking my clothes. All of the sound once surrounding me were muted, drowned put by the water. Everything slipped away, leaving me in a state of meditation.
I resurfaced and let sound flood my ears again. The pool was small, and the water reached right under my chin in the shallow end. I was used to the cold already, enjoying my stay in the cool liquid.
...
It might've been 5 minutes or 30 minutes, either way I didn't care. I just stayed engulfed in the water, counting how long I could hold my breath, or just swimming around. It was nice being alone. Every second spent in this pool was great. I'd sink to the bottom, or float on my back. Nothing really mattered in this segment of time. Time itself didn't matter. I had found my escape from reality, a perfect world where I did whatever I wanted. And my emotional state was the only thing that mattered. A world fit for a narcissist. That was okay for now. I'm by myself there's no need to think of the rest of the world.
I peeked my head out of the water, rubbing the chlorine from my eyes. They stung for a second before my vision cleared. I sat on a ledge in the pool to let my breathing regulate. My shoulders and face were out of the water, exposed to the cold night air, freezing in the temperature change.
Then I tried, tried as hard as I could to return to the haven made just for me. I was pulled from my thoughts by a loud splash. My eyes shot open to analyze the situation.
A mess of raven hair popped out of the water. "Oh my god Y/N! This water is freezing. What are you even doing in here?!"
A smug grin spread across my face," I think I could say the same."
"Fair enough," he sighed,"I got a notification that the backdoor had opened, so I came out here to see what was happening."
"...oh... sorry if I woke you."
"No it's okay. I don't sleep much... haha," the conversation we shared was painfully tense and uncomfortable.
My teeth chattered, still not used to being in the air.
"...It's cold..."
"Yeah," I nodded.
... ... ... ...
A void of silence rested between us. Screw this. I'm too tired for awkward tension.

"Fuck you dude..." Though my remark was rude, my tone wasn't angry. I was relaxed...
My words were paired with a splash of water, hitting his face. He wiped the chlorine from his eyes before returning my actions.
Our problems evaporated like this water would, and a splashing war had begun. I knew that we'd have to talk everything out eventually, but I was okay with this for now. Actually right now, I wanted to act like a child again. I didn't want to be burdened by the truth, I wanted to live in the moment. We splashed around, laughing with a few screeches thrown in every now and then.
It was back. My beating heart had returned to Lawliet's hands. I smiled at him, ignoring the chlorine that burned my eyes. I love Lawliet.
We both ducked underwater letting the outside noise cut away. I opened my eyes to see a mix of bubbles, blurry lights, and dark, round eyes. We stared into each other's irises, in love with just the thought of the other being's blurred image.
He broke eye contact first, resurfacing for air. I shortly followed after.
"What are we doing? It's freezing."
I laughed. We hoisted ourselves over the pool's edge, escaping the pit of water. I shivered, not totally enjoy being blasted with cold wind while also being drenched in water.
We snuck into the backdoor, leaving two trails of wet footprints through to slick marbled floors. My steps were slow and careful, cautious not to trip.
"Now what?" I stood in the middle of his kitchen, a small puddle already beginning to form at my feet.
"Let's get some food..." he offered.
"Sounds good," I laughed, remembering our first date: drenched in water then headed to dinner.
Too lazy to change, I grabbed my large green coat and threw it over my wet pajamas. Lawliet did the same with a black jacket of his own. He snatched his wallet from the kitchen counter, and we slipped through the front door.
We walked in the icy weather. Flirtatious small talk was thrown around to distract from the freezing temperature.
Manchester was about 7°C (44°F) cooler than Japan. I ducked half my face into the top of my jacket then pulled my hood over my head. I exhaled and smiled at my visible breath, disappearing into the night sky.
Our conversation darkened along my eye bags as we continued walking down the sidewalk.
Our words paused briefly as we listened to leaves being blown. I sighed," Why did you leave?"
We stopped walking and stared into each others eyes. "I had to..."
"That's not a reason! Why did you just dissapear like that?"
He looked away, searching for words in the stars. "I- figured it out. Solved the case," he eyes focused on the ground, and we began walking again, slower this time. "But Kira figured me out too. So I faked my death, hid from the world. I did it so I wouldn't die for real."
"You could've told me though..."
"I couldn't tell anyone. I didn't tell anyone!"
"Well your L' s in training seemed to know the entire situation!" I retorted.
"That's different!" He raised his voice. We both did. My hands had been squeezed into fists, and my breathing was uneven. I looked away and tried controlling myself. I need an explanation not more yelling. I returned to our eye contact.
"I had to tell them so they could 'be me." They had to take my place... look. I tried to tell you in subtle way. I didn't want- well... I wanted you to know but I wasn't allowed to tell you."
He made sense. He didn't make an excuse he gave me an explanation. His reason was rational and real. So why was I so upset with his answer? Maybe I'm just insane.
"I really want to forgive you. Everything you said was reasonable and understandable, but everything inside still hurts. I think I just need-"
He cut me off, pulling my forward to connect lips. I didn't want this. I really didn't want to be a young love story cliché, but it was so comforting to feel his mouth against mine again.
I broke the kiss in a fit of giggles, unable to contain how I felt.
I smiled," Damn, I love you." My tone of voice wasn't very fitting to my facial expression.
"Is that a bad thing?" He asked, unsure of what was to come out of my mouth.
"I didn't want this to end like some Disney TV movie where a kiss can solve everything."
"So what you're saying is my kiss solved everything?"
"Unfortunately," I laughed. My face turned more solemn,"But you can't do shit like that anymore. You can't leave me in the dark because that hurt like hell. I- just promise me you won't do something dumb. Promise me through thick and thin that you will love me and trust me and hold my hand. Because... because I promise the same to you." I looked at him with tear filled eyes, waiting for a response.
He held me closer," I promise."
I wrapped my arms around him half because I loved him, but half because I was extremely cold.
We walk down the sidewalk hand in hand, talking only about light topics.

•••••
We sat in a booth at McDonald's. The employees stared daggers, probably not happy that they're working at 5 am. It didn't matter though. Nothing mattered except him, two strawberry milkshakes, and me.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
I hope we never stop saying those words.

So ummm that's where my overly dramatic love story ends. Listen, it's not over and done. I haven't forgiven him yet. I will... I don't know when or how long it will take, but I will. I want to forgive him and shift everything back to normal, but I can't. I'm holding myself back. Because forgiveness kinda like giving up. It's like I'm forgetting all the fighting I did alone. Maybe that's what love is giving everything up for one person. The person you love.
I don't know, I guess I'm still figuring it out.

~the end