After Wrong Number

I act like I don't fucking care

Idfc
Blackbear

Matthew Gray

My eyes met the sun the moment I started to open my eyes, which made me hiss and close them immediately. Damn that burns like a bitch.

I let out a long yawn and continued to lay in bed since I was sleep deprived. My eyes got wide when I didn't feel my usual pillow under my head, but instead I felt someone's chest and my arms being wrapped around a small frame.

Before I knew it I panicked and immediately looked up, but I sighed in relieve when I saw that it was just Ryan. He's sleeping in peace with his mouth a little bit open where soft snores came from.

It made me chuckle when I saw him like this, he looked so innocent and I was so glad to have him as my best friend. I felt way better since he came by yesterday. I'm just too stubborn to admit it.

I sighed and leaned my head on his chest again, wrapping my arms around him.

Whenever he knew that I was going through a depression episode, he always spontaneously decided to come over with my favorite things and watch a movie or something with me. He always knew what to do and we always ended up, cuddling each other in bed.

Well it was mostly me, cuddling him like a baby. It made me feel like I wasn't alone anymore and it didn't make me think about him anymore. With my arms around him he couldn't let go of me and I would be reminded that I wasn't alone in that moment. I forgot about him.

Okay well, at least I forgot a little bit.

"Mhm, Matt?" I heard Ryan groan.

"Yeah?" I said, still leaning on his small chest.

The boy was even smaller than he ever was. Ryan is fragile and young, so innocent.
He was older, could be playful and was so strong.

"D-Do you.. Want to talk about yesterday?" He asked me which made my heart skip a beat for a second.

Way to start the morning..

"N-no" I stuttered but still said it firmly.

"Matthew, you know you have to talk about it eventually. Hell, you haven't even been crying ever since he passed away! You can't keep this bottling up Matt, you'll explode! I hate seeing you like this. He was my best friend too you know? I'm dealing with it too! Don't be such a stubborn idiot and talk about it! I'm your best friend now, shouldn't you trust me?" He suddenly began to get upset and took me by surprise with yelling at me like this.

I don't know what it was, but I suddenly started to get angry at him. He from all people should understand me! Understand this. How could he say all those things to me?! It made me feel this burning feeling inside me.

"Are you even fucking serious Ryan?! He was my first true love! How could you say that? And how can you force me into talking about something like that! Yes, you are- no were my best friend! But that doesn't mean I should tell you fucking everything! You from all people should have known this" I spat back at him and broke out of our embrace, taking a good distance from him.

"What do you mean were?" He asked me with visible tears in his eyes.

Almost making me feel guilty about yelling back. Almost.

"It means that I don't want to talk to you for now. Can you- Please just leave me alone okay?" I asked him and didn't dare to look at him.

"What?! Are you kidding Matthew? Please just let me e-"

"No! I just need to be alone for now Ryan! I'll see you at school" I softly whispered the last sentence and didn't even dare to look up for once as I saw him getting dressed and leaving my house.

I sighed and closed my eyes once I realized how stupid that fight was. My bipolar disorder made me react even worse at pretty much everything whenever I was having an episode. I felt the need to cry again, but I held it back. I won't cry over all of this. I refused to cry ever since my one and only soulmate passed away.

I wasn't weak.

I got up from my bed and walked towards my closet, too lazy to actually shower so I just changed my clothes and went downstairs to find my mom.

"Hey honey, how are you feeling?" She asked me.

"I'm feeling okay" I lied.

"Are you sure? And why are you dressed?" She asked again while frowning.

"I'm totally sure and I'm going to school?" I said confused.

"Are you sure about that Matt? The last time we did that it didn't go that well.." She asked me overprotective and caressed my cheek.

"I'm really sure mom, you don't have to ask me all these things twice! I'm an adult mom stop acting like I'm not!" I started to fume with anger.

"Okay, calm down honey. Just call me if there's something okay?" She asked me and I nodded in response.

I was about to walk away when she called me back again. I got my bag and walked back to my mom.

"Matt?"

"Yeah?"

"I saw Ryan leaving earlier. He looked pretty much upset and angry. Is everything alright?" She asked me.

"Yeah" I said and hurried outside before she would bombard me with more questions, I didn't felt the need to eat breakfast anyways.

When I arrived at school all I did was just daydreaming and wandering like an idiot in the hallways all day long.

Ryan and I didn't dare to speak to each other and I most likely tried to avoid him even through all of the lunch breaks.

The only odd thing that happened was Justin, who has been shooting me so many different looks and I couldn't quite pinpoint what those meant which annoyed the hell out of me.

Who the hell does this fucker think he is?

I didn't try to pay attention though, I didn't look back and I acted as if he never existed while I knew he was practically staring at me for some weird reason.

It made me feel so angry especially towards him. What the hell is his problem? One time he is actually okay with me and then another time he is acting like the same dick I used to know. It reminded me of why I never liked him and I actually started to dislike him again once I felt this burning feeling inside of me. I wanted to throw daggers through his head, but I had to act as if he wasn't there.

He has been telling me pretty lies and looking at me in the face, but

I don't fucking care. At all.