After Wrong Number

I'll be needing stitches

Stitches
Shawn Mendes

Matthew Gray

Here I was, standing in the middle of the busy hallway. There were so many people around me, yet I felt so alone. People were passing by, some of them even bumping into me which made me feel like going crazy since I certainly didn't like physical contact unless it was from someone I knew. I suddenly felt more nervous by the second and my hands were uncontrollably shaking.

Yesterday I spend the night at Justin's and this morning he told me that he would go to school a bit later since his teacher was sick so I had to do this on my own now. I knew he felt guilty though. He even insisted on going with me, but I refused. I couldn't just do that to him plus I'm a man, I didn't need anyone.

Somehow though I felt like a lost puppy, someone who was new to all of this and had no idea what was coming. I let out a shaky breath and walked towards my next class. Lucky for me Ryan and I are in two complete different years, just like him and I. I couldn't and didn't want to deal with all these problems right now especially not when Justin took me away from all of it.

''Matty wait!'' I heard the familiar, soft voice that I have tried to avoid for so many days.

So much for a day without problems.

My head said to walk further, but my heart told me told stop and for once I actually listened to what my heart said. I turned around to meet eye to eye with the small look-a-like of someone who used to be my lover.

''H-hey- Wow.. Are you-? Y-you look like a massive panda with huge bags! I- S-sorry for saying that! A-Are you okay?!'' He rambled on while his eyes widened as he looked at me with a soft expression.

''If you seriously don't have anything important to say I'll just leave'' I said with a serious and low tone in my voice, not looking at him.

If I would look at him I knew I'd be desperate to talk to him. After all I didn't had anyone else besides Ryan and the rest of our group. They were his friends, not mine. Mine weren't even worth it and if I'd ever decide to go back to them, they wouldn't even let me back in.

"I- Come on Matty, p-please. Just look at me" I heard his small voice.

He grabbed my hand which made me look at our hands and then at his face which I immediately regret. I would forget in a minute what happened just by looking at his soft features.

His brown eyes were wide, watery and he looked tired as if he'd been awake just thinking about all of this. The thing was that he knew that I couldn't lie when people looked at me in the eye especially when they had such a vulnerable, real expression plastered on their faces.

I haven't been looking into his soft brown eyes for days, maybe even a week by now and I missed it. I missed the friendly safe atmosphere between us. He was just like him and I needed someone like that, because he kept me sane. Ryan had been one of the best friends I ever had and I realized that I couldn't miss that, especially not now.

"W-what?" I whispered to him, barely loud enough to hear, but somehow he heard me.

"I miss you, we miss you Matty. I've been so stupid, knowing you were all alone now and I couldn't bear the thought of you dealing with this all alone and maybe even doing something stupid. Look, I've been thinking okay? I get it, I know that it's hard whether you want to admit it or not and I won't push you anymore. Just know that I'll be waiting till you're ready to talk. You won't bother me or anyone and as you know, you can trust me. It'll do some good to you once you open up about it. I'm just worried about you okay? I'm so so so sorry for pushing you and talking to you like that" He rambled and whispered the last sentence, showing me that he really meant what he said.

My mind in fact was spinning around. I didn't know if I rather wanted to crying, have a huge breakdown and cling to him or if I should thank him for just telling me that I won't be alone when it's time to let go.

I looked up at his brown eyes again and started to see the uncertainty in them so I decided to take action before he'd jump to conclusions or ran away from me, because if I were him I would've ran away a long time ago.

So instead of saying something I opened my arms, walked closer to him and took him in my arms. His body was small yet so warm against mine and I missed this. It made me think about how much I needed and missed this.

We did this before, just not in public. It was always when I was home, because of my disorder then we'd cuddle for hours on the couch or in my bed. This was actually the first time that I showed some affection in public and hell, it felt so good. At this point I didn't had any care in the world anymore.

His face was pressed against my chest and I felt his small arms snake around my torso. Sadly after a while we had to break this nice embrace.

"It's good. I get where you were coming from and I probably deserved it" I shrugged.

"N-no, no! You didn't deserve that. I shouldn't have said it like that" He sighed.

"Anyways it doesn't matter anymore, let's just enjoy our time now. What did I miss?" I started walking towards my class as Ryan followed me.

"Nothing much, I mean.. Everyone kept asking about you and what happened, but I didn't tell them" He said.

"What really?" I asked him surprised and almost didn't believe it.

So, did this mean that they might care about me too?

"Yeah" He shot me a smile and for the second time I genuinely smiled back.

"This is my class, got to go. I'll speak you in the next break!" Ryan yelled happily and rushed inside the classroom.

It felt like a huge weight that got off of my shoulders ever since I talked to Ryan. This was a huge relief and added up to how much better I've been feeling since yesterday.

After what Justin and I talked about and did, I felt nothing but safe. Last night we'd been watching movies and got to know each other better. Now I know that his favorite color is gray and he likes turtles. Also his favorite food is Italian pasta and he dislikes horror movies even though he doesn't want to admit the last fact.

I stopped in my tracks once I saw something familiar in the hallway, or should I say someone.

The familiar blue eyed boy with curly brown hair, long lashes and cute freckles I tried so hard to forget about. And I finally forgot, yet he haunted me. He was looking right back at me with a small smile at his face, but somehow I was glued on the other side of the hallway.

Run to him you idiot! Run!

I was about to take a step in his direction, but then I was shaked out of my trance.

"Hey, are you okay?" I heard Justin say breathless probably because he ran for his next class.

His voice sounded a bit faded, but I looked at him with my mouth slighty open. I bet I looked like a fool.

"Hm fine" I said still a bit dazed of what I just saw.

Was I seriously hallucinating at school?

"Are you sure? You look a bit out of it? And you look a bit pale as if you've seen a ghost or something" He said while frowning.

Tell me about it.

I looked for a while into his deep forest eyes and instantly forgot about what just happened. I shot another genuine smile this day.

"I'm okay thanks" I smiled at the green eyed boy.

And this time Matthew really meant what he said. For now he'd be okay even though without Rain he'd be needing stitches, because no one ever left him quite this sore.