The Final Countdown - Season I

Episode 4: Part 4: Why Do We Even Have That Shaft?

Previously on The Final Countdown...

Things got hairy last time. 

Sort of hairy. A robot cat saved the day.

That and Ronnie. Who finally got to change her pants.

Thank God for that. If she hadn't...we're talking ruptures in the space-time continuum.

Are there any other kinds of continuums? Or just the one for space-time?

Deep thoughts for your Friday enjoyment.

"Really, guys, I'm not making this up!" Ronnie hadn't shut up since they left the yurt. "Seriously, I'm talking End of Days ruination over here!"

T'Iguidou strode ahead, not even once taking her attention off the tiny robotic cat clutched in her arms.

"Who's a good...what shall I call you...we don't have anything like you back on Myanus..."

Ronnie burst out laughing. "Myanus? I thought Uranus was bad..."

"Ronnie, your anus is bad. Bad doesn't even begin to describe what's going on down there. And I'm upwind from you!" Venti stifled a gag, and picked up her speed.

"Can we not talk about Ronnie's Vesuvian bowels for three seconds?" Fancypants cast a glance at the guards flanked on either side of the three remaining Earthlings. "We're not dead yet, but I don't think we're being escorted to Sunday tea."

"Yeah. I don't even like tea." Ronnie nodded as if she'd just said the most important thing in the history of things being said.

"I say we just keep her distracted with Java, and figure out what we can." Venti smiled at the guard on her right. It glared at her for a moment, did a weird thing with its face as it tried to figure out just what the hell Venti had done, and gave her a smile back. "Besides, they might not be all bad."

Fancypants peeked over Venti's shoulder and gave the grinning idiot guard the hairy eyeball. "What do you mean, not all bad?"

"Easy, Captain, easy." Venti laughed. "I'm just saying we don't need to meet this whole 'alien encounter for the first time' with total hostility. Where else are we going to go?"

Ronnie took this moment of enlightenment to promptly slip and fall down a shaft that everyone else had managed to avoid. A long, echoing 'FFFFFFFFuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu....' filled the ship, and finally T'Iguidou stopped to see what the hell was going on.

"Shit." T'Iguidou passed Java over to Venti, and clapped her handish appendages. "Why do we even have that shaft?"

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