A Counseling Catastrophe

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Feathershine: EYYYYYYYYY IT'S LABOUR DAYYYYYYYY

Mottledleaf: Is it?

Feathershine: *flicks an ear absentmindedly towards Mottledleaf* YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE —

Nettlebounce *yells from the front desk* Then why are you here?

Feathershine: I forgot my pizza. My pizza, my beautiful pineapple-free—

Mottledleaf: STOP. RIGHT. THERE. DON'T GET ME STARTED ON—

Feathershine: WELL, I'M THE BOSS HERE SO I DECIDE, AND MY WORD IS LAW. AND I SAY THAT PINEAPPLES ARE FREAKING DISGUSTING. A DISGRACE TO THE ALREADY PERFECT ROUND FACE OF THE PIZZA.

Mottledleaf: *takes deep, calming breaths while preparing for a yelling match*

Petalpounce: *pops head around open door* Is it safe to come in?

Nettlebounce: Yes, *teasing tone* sister!

Petalpounce: *scowls* Shut up! Wait, it's labour day. I'm getting paid double for working today. Why are you lot all here?

Feathershine: I came here from home for my pizza. I order pizza daily for the office. I was hoping I'd be the only one so I could enjoy my delicious meat-lovers pineapple-free pizza in piece. HAHAHA PUN INTEN—

Mottledleaf: *just hyperventilating at this point* 

Petalpounce: Why don't we just all calm down and enjoy both a vegetarian pizza from Domino's?

Feathershine: *head snaps to Petalpounce*

Mottleleaf: *ditto*

Feather-leaf: What. Did you just say?

Petalpounce: *immensely scared but also confused as to what had been said wrong* Um, I s-said that why don't we—

Mottleleaf: *stolidly interrupts* Did you just say that we should all calm down and enjoy vegetarian pizza?

Nettlebounce: *crawls under front desk and peers anxiously from the bottom*

Petalpounce: *sweating* Y-yes! I've gone vegetarian recently. W-why don't you two just give it a little try? I-It's actually quite goo—

Feathershine: *screeches in disgust* YOU MEAN TO SAY THAT WE SHOULD ACTUALLY PHYSICALLY TOUCH THAT REVOLTING, MONSTROUS CREATION OF SATAN?

Mottleleaf: NOT JUST TOUCH, BUT EAT? INGEST IT? LET IT FLOW DOWN MY THROAT AND ESOPHAGUS? LET IT LIE IN MY STOMACH? LET IT THEN REMOVE ITSELF THROUGH—

Sandstone: *stirs from sleep just in time and mumbles groggily* It's tolerable if you swallow it down fast enough with a few leaves of catmint.

Feathershine: Why don't you fall back asleep before I make your sleep eternal?

Sandstone: *blinks rapidly before squeezing eyes shut and visibly speed-whispering a prayer to StarClan under breath*

Nettlebounce: *quiet from under the table, discreetly eating a piece of pepperoni pizza, the only pizza left aside from the one vegetarian option*

Mottleleaf: I need an explanation. A really good one, in fact, of why you think that Devil's creation is acceptable to exist?

Petalpounce: *shakily laughing from crippling anxiety and fear* W-well, t-the mushrooms are pretty good... you know. Fungi. Feet and all that. You like eating feet, d-don't you? I saw y-you order a couple a' moose—I MEAN MOUSE—feet at that restaurant Catmint a-a- while a-ago.

Feathershine: You're hopeless. I shall talk to your manager after this and make sure you'll never get to deliver pizza again. Or speech. Or cognitive ability. Or bodily functions.

Nettlebounce: *slowly chews last bite of pepperoni*

Petalpounce: *nearly pees himself in fright*

Mottledleaf: *screams at Petalpounce* NOW WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? LEAVE NOW AND NEVER COME BACK! DON'T LET ME CATCH YOU AND YOUR VEGETARIAN FIDDLE FADDLE AGAIN! NEVER DEFY THE LAWS OF NATURE! WE ARE WILD CATS! FREE AND PROUD! NONE OF THAT *throws vegetarian pizza at Petalpounce's face* BLASPHEMY IS ALLOWED! GO ELSEWHERE TO GATHER YOUR CULT MEMBERS!

Petalpounce: *leaves a trail of cat piss as he dashes off, a mushroom remnant lying precariously on the tip of his nose*

Written by Saph! 🍩✨