shame s.m

twenty six

friday 7:00 p.m

two weeks had passed since shawn last spoke to amalie. they haven't been together for a long time, just two, almost three months, but for some reason, this really hurt shawn. he didn't think that amalie was the type to cheat.

but she didn't cheat. amalie sent seven voicemails and twenty texts trying to convince him that nick took advantage of her. call her desperate, but she was completely miserable. on top of not knowing if she was raped, her boyfriend thinks she's a liar.

"hey, there's this party tonight, do you want to come with us?" pia asked peeking her head through amalie's bedroom door.

"no i'll just stay here." amalie replied glumly refreshing her twitter timeline for the third time in a minute.

"come on amalie, you can't mope around forever!" pia exclaimed feeling very concerned for her best friend. "we don't even have to go to the party. we can just go around the city."

"i really don't feel like it." amalie said turning her back to pia.

pia sighed, "the girls and i think you should go outside. you haven't been anywhere except school and work."

"i'm fine." amalie mumbled.

pia walked into her room and sat on the bed where amalie laid, "fine then i'm staying here."

"you don't have to do that," amalie said as she turned to face pia. "go out, i swear i'm fine."

"i don't care if you don't want me here," pia said. "amalie you're scaring me. this isn't healthy. he's an ass-"

"it's not about him!" amalie raised her voice. pia's eyes went wide, startled at her friend's reaction. amalie quickly realized what she had done and apologized. "i'm sorry, its- it's not about him. i'm just confused. i don't know what to feel, p. i have no idea what to do."

"i think you should talk to her." pia said referring to hayley. "yeah she was drunk, but who knows? she might have remembered something. and you know that it wasn't her who spiked your drink. she could have all your answers."

"yeah, i think i'll talk to her tomorrow morning." amalie said feeling slightly hopeful. "and i'm sorry for holding you back and being so miserable all the time."

"i understand, don't worry, am. and you're not holding me back, i like talking to you." pia reassured her.

"have you heard from shawn?" amalie asked.

"we don't have to talk about him." pia started.

"to be completely honest with you, i'm not over him. i want to fight for him. i sound so stupid right now, but i really like him. like a lot." amalie said.

"sis..." pia warned. everyone on campus knew that shawn wasn't one to settle. in fact, amalie was his longest relationship. "i really want to support you, but he's a real dick. he believed his brother, a complete psychopath, without hearing your side of the story. plus he hates his brother which says a lot, doesn't it?"

amalie processed everything and realized that pia was right. but she still wanted to justify herself, even if that meant losing shawn.

saturday 10:00 a.m

amalie and pia spent the rest of their night talking and watching reruns of friends. it was what amalie needed. ranting to her best friend made it feel like a weight was lifted off her shoulders. she was less confused and was on the path to finding her old self.

so here she was, at central park, waiting for hayley to come and explain everything that went down that night.

"hey amalie." the blonde girl said as she took a seat beside amalie on the bench.

"hi hayley," amalie greeted back. "how are you?"

"sober." she joked receiving a chuckled from amalie. "no, i'm great! how are you?"

"i'm okay, i just wanted to ask you if you remembered anything from the party."

"you really think i'm a lightweight?" hayley laughed.

"i really hope you're not." amalie laughed along. when their laughs died down, amalie asked, "what happened after you gave me the drink? and who spiked it?"

"it was already spiked. nick always puts vodka in apple juice. i think it's disgusting but it's pretty light so i gave it to you." she explained.

"then why can't i remember anything?"

"do you drink often?" hayley asked. amalie shook her head. she didn't like to drink because she liked to be in control of her body. "well it's 'cause you're a lightweight and you popped some molly later that night."

amalie took a deep breath as memories from that night flashed in her mind.

"woah cool stickers!" amalie said looking at the cute pills.

"you know what's even cooler?" nick said as he popped one onto his tongue. "it has cool flavours!"

"woah!" amalie said sticking out her tongue. nick popped one onto her tongue as the two of them laughed.

"after that i think i remember us dancing and then going into shawn's room with nick and this guy named liam." hayley reminisced.

liam seemed to trigger something in amalie's memories. her breath hitched as she remembered.

"instead of taking a shot," liam hiccuped. "how about we strip!"

amalie giggled wildly as she took off her pants.

"he didn't do it." amalie whispered.

"do what?" hayley asked.

"nick didn't rape me, i was never raped. we were playing strip poker." amalie realized.

"wait what?!" hayley exclaimed a bit too loudly.

"i found this picture on nicks phone of me naked on his bed so i thought he, you know.." amalie said referring to rape. "but now i remember everything. he didn't rape me, no one did."

"i fell asleep after strip poker, so i'm not sure. did you feel sore when you woke up?" hayley asked.

"no, i don't think so."

"did you ask him about it?"

"yeah, i made sure to tell him that if he sends my nudes to anybody, i'll put him in jail."

"are you okay?"

"much better now that i know, but shawn's mad at me. he thinks i cheated on him." amalie sighed.

"look, i don't know if it'll help, but i've known shawn since forever, i can try to talk to him if you want. after all, i was with you." hayley said.

"thanks, hayley. seriously, for everything, but i think this should be between him and i." amalie said. "i led myself into this mess, so i should get myself out of it."

-

this book is ending soon, so i'm trying to make these chapters longer. sorry for the long wait, i can't promise weekly updates, but i'll try my best to update more often than once a month. have a great day y'all!