Girl On Top

Chapter 31- Guilty

"And that students is why you should never mix blue, red and yellow paint together," Mr Jefferson clapped his hands together as we began packing up.

It felt strange coming back here after a week off, even though a week wasn't that long it felt as though I was starting university from scratch again.

Back to the early start on a Monday morning. I hated Monday's, if Monday had a face I would punch it.

"Have a great day Sir!" I chirped, Mr Jefferson waved as I exited the class and began heading towards the cafeteria.

The university's hallway is different today. Along the walls are balloons pinned on with cheap tacks, many of them already withering. Their colours are garish in the bold strip lights and from some dangle curled ribbons. It looks like a toddler's birthday party minus the cake and gifts.

Raising my eyebrows, I squint at the poster trying to read it. Support your local community by offering a helping hand call 079-

"Shit! Shit! Shit!" A high pitched voice cursed as my face slammed against the poster. The weight of the girl lifted from my back and I turned around in agony.

"I'm so sorry, I'm just having a really bad day...or week...more like month," the girl chatted to herself. When I opened my eyes and fixed my gaze I was frozen, unable to move...it was Emma.

It was hard to tell behind the thick rimed glasses and fluffy jumper but it was definitely Emma. Her usually beautiful blonde styled hair was thrown up into a messy bun that looked like she hasn't brushed it in days.

Emma pushed her glasses up against her nose, "Andy?" I gulped as I bobbed my head up and down in reply.

"I haven't seen in you in weeks, you haven't been avoiding me have you?" She laughed, my eyes widened as I pretended to laugh.

"I better get to my class," bowing my head I began to walk away but not before Emma grabbed my arm.

"But it's lunch time," Emma frowned between fits of awkward giggles.

Crap!

I forced a smile, "it is? Silly me must of got the times mixed up." Emma grinned as I slapped my thigh, this was one awkward situation.

"Come eat lunch with me? Canteen like on your first day?" She asked, her posture still slump. How could I say no? I felt bad, really bad.

"Sure, I'd love to!" I lied and followed her to the canteen trying to think of any excuse to leave this situation...but I had nothing.

The cafeteria is a cacophony of loud chatter, each table a cosseted huddle of people raising their voices to be heard above the din. The food is secondary to the information that is exchanged here. Over the over-salted fries alliances are formed and gossip traded like poker chips. As I sit on the table beside Emma the only feeling I feel is grief. Does she know about Phoenix and I?

"And then he just broke up with me randomly out of nowhere," Emma continued rambling and I realised she'd started this rant about five minutes ago and I'd zoned out three minutes ago.

The sound of her voice stopping meant she was finished, rant over. "But like I thought we were doing so good you know?" I sighed and turned to face her.

Her body was slumped and her eyes shifted to the side again and became glazed with a glassy layer of tears. As she blinked, they dripped from her eyelids and slid down her cheeks. She bit her lip tightly in attempt to hide any sound that wanted to escape from her mouth; my heart sank.

The guilt sat not on my chest but inside my brain. What I had done I could not un-do. I could make amends in subtle ways, but confession was out of the question, even to Emma.

Apart of me knew I should tell her but the other part thought it would only hurt her more.

"What do you think about this all?" Emma asked the question I'd been avoiding answering since the start.

"If you love something let it go, if it comes back to you it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was, and it's not meant to be."

• I don't know what to say so please enjoy this gif of Queen Lizzy •