My Ocean (GirlxGirl)

Non Believer - London Grammar

All that we are,
All that we need,
They're different things.

She's so different. In some ways, I feel we couldn't be more different. It's just, she would literally only have to call or text me to come over, and I wouldn't even hesitate one second to jump in my car and drive over. Doesn't matter that it would take me two hours to get there. I don't care. I would be happy to waste that time. Fuck that, it wouldn't be wasted. Because I'd see her. God, I want to see her. So bad.

Anyway, back to the point. That's what I would do. She wouldn't. If I wanted to see her, I'd have to reserve some of her precious time, like three weeks from now, because that would be the first moment she'd be able to make time for me. And in the end she would probably cancel last minute. Plus, she would take about three days to even answer my text in the first place.

At least, that's how I imagine it would go. Truth is, by now I'm too scared to ask her to hang out. I don't want to scare her away. I want to give her space. I want her to make an effort to see me. To talk to me even because she's not even putting any effort into texting me anymore either.

"Waiting for her to text doesn't seem like the right way to play this game," my best friend said. "Just tell her when you have time to meet up, then tell her she has time too, even if she doesn't. She better make time for you."

I wish I could have that attitude. But that's just not me. Because I know there's more stuff, I know she has shit going on and she really is busy. Let's just say I have reasons to believe that she really is trying her best, there's just not a lot of room for anything or anyone else in her life right now. Which is why I put up with everything she does, and why I forgive her every time.

Maybe she's just selfish. Or self-centered. But for the chance that she isn't, I can't be mad at her. I can't just assume she's being an asshole. I simply don't believe she is.