My Ocean (GirlxGirl)

Oceans - Seafret

I want you,
And I always will.
I wish I was worth,
But I know you deserve.
You know I'd rather drown,
Than to go in without you,
But you're pulling me down.

You're back to ignoring me. It's been three days since the last time I texted you and I still haven't heard back from you. Honestly I should be used to it by now, I should've seen it coming and it shouldn't hurt so much anymore, but it still does. I don't want to feel this way anymore, I wish I could just escape this endless circle somehow. I know I should just let you go, because this way I just let you keep pulling me down and I keep drowning. But I just can't let go yet. At least not for one more week, not until I see you at the reunion. After that, hopefully I will be ready.

It feels like there's oceans,
Between me and you,
Once again.
We hide our emotions,
Under the surface,
And try to pretend.
But it feels like there's oceans,
Between you and me.

I just hate how much everything has changed. I can't keep doing this, I don't want to hide my emotions anymore, I simply can't. I need to tell you, and you need to know, and I also need to know. No matter the outcome, I need to know what changed and I need to know how you feel.

I'm not sure how much longer I can keep my head above the water. Every time I think I've made it, another wave hits, pulling me down again. It's wearing me out and I'm tired of holding my breath, exhausted by the constant fight. I'm drowning in my thoughts, in my love, in you.

I haven't figured out a plan for the reunion yet. I don't know what to do. I have a few options.

Plan A: I act like everything is fine, which is probably what you're gonna do. I just have fun with you and everyone else, act as if you're just another friend I haven't seen for a while. I pretend we haven't had all these conversations that made me fall hopelessly in love with you. I'll probably have a great time and then when I leave I realize I still have no answers. I'm left to keep wondering, to keep doubting and to keep drowning.

Plan B: To make sure I leave with some sort of closure, I don't act as if everything is fine. Of course I'll be happy to see you and I'm not going to pretend I'm not. But at some point I'll get you alone to talk about what the hell happened that made you change so much, or us change so much. This way I might get my heart broken but at least then I'll know.

Plan C: I give up on you, and on knowing what happened, before even going. My goal will be to just have fun, and not worry about you. I'll hang out with my friends, and sure, I'll spend some time with you too but I'm not going to focus on you, which could result in us spending little time together.

Seven more days. What do I do?