{A Wattpad Featured Story & Wattys 2018 Long List Book}
Highest Rank // #22 in Teen Fiction
Lennon Reese has always been quiet but after being sexually assaulted she has shut herself off from the world. She finds solace in writing all of her evasi...
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The girl in my dreams had a face now, Lennon. I woke up drenched in sweat hearing her ear piercing scream still ringing in my ears as she called out "help me". It was there every time I closed my eyes.
My bed was going to have a permanent butt mark if I sat on it any longer, but I couldn't make myself get up. My eyes were glued to the journal in my hands, Lennon's journal. There was one more entry left, written the day before I found it. Knowing who it belonged to, made me feel that much more guilty. This was her life. I knew that now. There was a real person, struggling, sad, who was raped. I couldn't bring myself to open it, I just studied the cover, tracing each inch with my fingers.
I took a deep breath, overwhelmed. I felt stupid for thinking that, after everything Lennon had gone through. I was worried about how to tell her, how to make the words come out of my mouth. I felt like I needed help, some advice. But she needed help too.
Each time I'd find a reason to open it, I'd find another reason not to. I was avoiding her. The more I held off, the longer I could tell myself, it wasn't time.
"Screw it..." I muttered to myself and threw the journal open to the last entry. "She needs someone."
March 24th
Why can't people see through my smile? Can't they see that I'm screaming on the inside? Can't they see the pain in my eyes? Not even my family sees. I'm not a master of disguise because I see it. My pain is like a beacon I see every time I look in the mirror, it's all I see.
I don't want to have to fake being happy anymore. I don't want smiling to take so much effort that it takes everything out of me. I just want to be happy. But I can't, because he's everywhere.
Throwing myself into school doesn't help anymore. It feels like everything takes effort, everything feels worthless. I feel worthless.
I just want someone to be there for me. I know I should be able to put myself back together again, bit by bit, piece by piece, but it's too hard. All I see is what he took from me.
There must be something wrong with me. I know it wasn't my fault, so why am I feeling this way? I see him in the halls, a smug grin on his face, exhuming confidence. How can he be okay with himself, knowing what he did to me?
I want to scream at him, YOU RAPED ME!
Maybe then I'll finally feel at peace with it all, or maybe I won't until the day I die.
I wanted to be that someone she was talking about, I wanted to be there for her and put her back together piece by piece if I had to. She deserved to be happy. She was the most deserving person, I'd ever met.
I decided even if she was mad at me for reading her journal, I was still going to be there for her. I was still going to get justice. Somehow.
