17: Grey Space

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Grey's POV

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I spent a lot of time to myself after that night. Thankfully it was the weekend so I didn't need to worry about anyone in school. Yet.

The Sunday after homecoming, I have yet to leave my room. Stuck in a depressed state, not too unfamiliar, similar to after Ella and Patrick's death. I'm thinking about them both more and more lately. I get out of my bed, only wearing undies and one of Patrick's hoodies. Depression really overcomes your will to do anything productive what so ever. But now I really should. 

I go to my dresser and pull out an old pair of ripped (not store bought ripped, I mean ripped because I am a klutz). I put them on lazily and grab my phone. I have multiple unread messages. I think I hit 40s earlier this morning. 

Yesterday, when everyone was awake, I had them leave convincing them I would call them. I haven't. I don't know why they wouldn't be surprised. My parents also haven't noticed my change. I mean, I did stay in my room all weekend mainly doing homework. But it did still sting that they never notice anything that isn't work related. I remember yesterdays conversation but I doubt that they do.

"Hey, Grey. How was school yesterday?" my mom kissed my forehead quickly before grabbing herself a snack for work.

"Fine.." I paused waiting for a response.

"Do you have much homework?"

"The usual."

"Oh nice."

"Yeah," I drift off and look at my breakfast, mixing my oatmeal lazily. She isn't even paying attention. How shocking.

"Grades are their usual?"

"Yeah, killed the teacher and hacked into the computer to give everyone an A."

"That's great sweetie."

"I also kidnapped the principal."

"Mhm, nice job, Grey." Fucking oblivious.

I am so fed up with them not even acknowledging my presence. I know I am used to it but now... ugh! I growl to myself as I put on an old pair of sneakers and put my hair into a beanie. I look in the mirror. I. Look. Like. Shit.

My eyes are red and glazed over from crying and worry. Underneath, I already was getting bags under them. I looked dead. My oversized hoodie hung on me like a dress and the ripped jeans, sneakers with a few holes in them, and a beanie really pulled it all together for a homeless lady affect. I turn away ashamed at my appearance but at the moment, I really don't want to maintain anything. 

I walk out of my room, to silent house, to a lonely and empty house. I go to grab my keys then pause heading to the kitchen and grabbing a gift.

I then grab my truck keys leaving the house and start it up. I sit in the driveway, with the engine running, my hands gripping the steering wheel, and me just staring into oblivion. I realized after 3 minutes that I was just wasting gas, I shift into gear and drive out slowly, knowing where I wanted to go. 

My drive is short and quiet. But my thoughts were loud and rampaging. Until I entered a familiar road, a road most people shouldn't be familiar with.

To each side of me, there were endless rows of green and stone. Stone new and old. Some forgotten some cared for. I drive into a side path and park the truck, walking to my destination. 

A beautiful piece of black granite with small designs around the name.

PATRICK JACKSON CARSON
BELOVED SON AND BROTHER
DECEMBER 25TH, 1997-
MAY 13TH, 2016

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